on trust

Being the person of optimistic nature that I am, I would like to believe that when two parties who love each other (or are otherwise stuck with each other) feud, there is hope of reconciliation. And should reconciliation occur, I would really love to believe that the reconciliation is true. That after the air is cleared, the air is really clear, that no little smoggy particles of distrust, latent anger and unforgiving linger and distort the skyline, pollute our lungs. The parties might agree to disagree in the future, but should they fully

disclose to each other their grievances,
explain each other's point of view,
like where you/they were coming from,
and how you/they felt in such-and-such instance(s),
and each of you
OWN YOUR ACTIONS (because it does take two to tango, always)
apologize wholeheartedly,
and thereafter work to repair said damages,

then I see no reason why true reconciliation is not possible. I have been so lucky to experience it myself. But, I have also experienced reconcilation that is not true. Like, it was sort of true, on the surface, and it seemed to be all worked out and everyone and everything was OK again, and maybe we were all stronger for it? But in actuality, bad feelings remained with both parties, like

well what about that time you--?
and can you believe what--?
and it still seems like--?
and she/he/they STILL don't think they've done anything wrong!
that their actions don't affect other people, and
it's all about THEM.

Such instances are unfortunate. Lack of trust builds, speculation/lack of communication re-ensues, walls formerly knocked down are built up again, maybe even stronger now. Old hurts never said, never resolved grow larger. Lines are drawn, wagons circled.

And all each party really wanted at the outset--one would like to think--is to be part of the other's life. Something that takes work, yes, as does any relationship, but something that really, should be so simple. It just means

keeping up with each other,
asking/offering/sharing because you care, and
not because you feel obligated,
presuming the best and not the worst,
forgiving, not dwelling,

things like that.
I wonder why it so often seems too much to ask.