Thursday, May 31, 2007


things done from the car:

  • buffed and trimmed nails
  • flossed
  • eaten sausage biscuit
  • drank my diet coke
  • drove with knee
  • channel surfed
  • handsfree phone calling
  • non specified thinking: (stream of conscience)
  • counted change
  • ascertained annoying rattle- contained it.

love you, pie

I'm really sad in writing this post, and though supposedly a writer, I'm terrible with tributes, both happy and sad. I'm bad about telling people I love them, and why. I suck at good-byes. I leave cards blank except for "love" and "penelope." I can't ever seem to find the right words, so I just don't say much of anything, which is probably bad. I just try to Be There, and hope that people know that I care, and how I care, and that they can count on me.


If you live or have ever lived in ILM, chances are you know The Pie. Moonpie, that is, of Laura and Moonpie. Everyone thinks that their pet is the greatest, but you have to admit that The Pie is pretty hard to beat. When I think of Pie, so many things come to mind:



eerily person-like


hates Bender

lost for days, but returned

hit by a car, but survived


high jumper, like she's on springs

loyal friend



party dog

knows how to whisper

makes you laugh

Bailey's best pal

Worley's best pal

sleeps at your feet, under the sheets

scares K.Lo, but mainly due to enthusiasm

car chaser

can't catch her

out for squirrels

will beg for junk food, i.e. Bender-food

once ate a plate of shrimp

she just knows, The Pie does

can wear any hat


can tell you what she wants

never backs down


(though whimpers at fireworks)

grumpy, even crotchety

yet undeniably sweet

The Pie, Moon-pig, Moonie, Moonpie, Piggety-Pie

At not even 7 years old, Moonpie has become randomly, terribly, and unconquerably ill. She has to be put down tonight, there really is no other choice. It makes me cry just thinking about it, though I know what I feel is nothing compared to what her family feels, and will feel. I just want to say, we'll miss you, Pie, all of us. You're the best, and even though you hate my dog (which, by the way--totally understandable, she's a mess), I love ya, you are irreplacable.

To Pie.

Wednesday, May 30, 2007

lists of


  • donated to someone i knew once who is doing the avon walk for breastcancer. we met in a random history class in college and stayed very sporadically in touch but i'm on the 'friends of her' list, and by god i'm going to respect that, even if I barely remember anything about her except that i remember a. i liked her b. i was seriously bummed she was leaving and i had barely gotten to know her.
  • ordered gift card for one and only goddaughter, zophia- sort of lame, sort of cool i guess. i mean how do i know what she needs but supposedly everyone loves target. i don't really but i'm buying her one anyway. she's 2 you know? and in oklahoma... i feel like a deadbeat parent.
  • expecting another pair of shoes. sure it seems excessive but you know the boots are an "issue" right now.
  • checked $ balance. uh, whoops. shit. man, what the fuck was i thinking buying all that. uh, turns out "deposited" and "available" really aren't the same thing. regrets: $14 movie, $16 lunch.
  • boxed sandals that are defective, but man working 9-6 is really putting a hamper on the shipping of said rainbow sandals. and i miss them already.
  • ellipticalled, cycled, crunched. made me happy for the rest of the day. gym, lunch, rocks.
  • rolled eyes- throughout the day
  • decided anger actually wasn't worth it. horror.
  • exasperated over email. i haven't even learned french and yet.
  • exasperated over phone gone wonky- just drops calls but not a bar, battery issue
  • single (yah, uh huh)
  • ate entire box of strawberries. phew.
  • watching wonderfalls
  • showering- soon
  • chin hairs- still there
  • nails long
  • cats curled up on bed: two

Tuesday, May 29, 2007

results revealed: wahoo!!!

More soon, clearly. Must go shopping for blue clothes!

Monday, May 28, 2007


dear me, i regret to inform you that these are too much shoe for you. you had lusted after them for a few months- watching the price drop from $150 to an awesome $60 and it seemed just right to forgo all your usual cautionary lessons about 3" heels. i mean just look at that leather. and that hot, hot heel. you couldn't resist. i know. but you know what, you can't handle it. sure you feel like a supermodel and it rockets you up to a bangin' 6'... but be realistic- where are you going to wear them. sure they look good with your frayed jeans or a loose aline or flowly skirt that just grazes the middle of the boot... but lets be honest, walking around on the ball of your foot, working to rest on your heel like a graceful art is something you're too lazy to do right now. just because you can rock the 2" doesn't mean that you should be arrogant enough to assume the great responsibility and pain of a 3". just you know maybe give it time, think about it... try it again... take them back to nordstrom and eat the $5 shipping fee for lesson learned. and continue to bite your lip and shake your head at your cowardice. . . like somehow you just didn't try enough to make the relationship fit. like, maybe, your heart was too hard for the sacrifice no matter how much you tried to make it work.

ciao, bella. you sexy linea paolo boots. till next time.

last day to vote!

Tomorrow is the all-telling sonogram, which will reveal the true nature of this pregnancy: boy, girl, tapeworm, alien invasion? Place your bets in the sidebar now. Here's what we know so far; old wives think what you will:

  • I've already had one girl, which supposedly increases one's odds to have another girl next.
  • This baby will be the fourth grandchild on my side of the family, all three so far are girls.
  • When dangling my wedding ring by a thread over both the belly and the wrist, it swings back and forth, rather than in a circle. This supposedly means: boy.
  • I can't tell whether I'm carrying high or low yet, too early.
  • Also couldn't tell you what side the baby's kicking on the most, s/he's too little.
  • Is the belly shaped like a watermelon, or a basketball. I don't know, it's just a belly. Depends on how much I've eaten, I guess.
  • I'm craving things like hard-boiled eggs and fruit, but I also can't stay away from chocolate, because I never have before in my life--though notably, I don't seem to need it as badly on a daily basis.
  • The sciatica's about to kill me. Does that mean anything?
  • According to one Chinese Gender Prediction chart, I'm having a boy. According to another, it's a girl. Some consistency would be nice, people.
  • I refuse to pee in a cup of Drano. Who came up with that test, anyway? Someone really desperate to know and/or someone incredibly bored.
  • My skin isn't as broken out as it was with K.Lo. Fewer female hormones, so: boy?
  • I'm growing copious amounts of new hair on my head. Boy?
  • I'm gaining weight all over, rather than just the belly. Someone told me this means girl.
  • The polls are ahead currently for boy, but I also know there's been some ballot box stuffing.
  • It would be nice to have a boy after having a girl, but I will be delighted either way.

Sunday, May 27, 2007


As requested, here are pics of Bug's new reversible bunk bed from IKEA. Obviously since she's only 16 months old and very much needs to be behind bars when sleeping (or not sleeping, as is usually the case), she won't be crashing here at night anytime in the near future. But in the meantime, how about the world's coolest fort? I put her little chair under there, along with her duck "boat," and so far it's a big hit.

Note to all readers having a preemptive stroke, bless your little hearts: no, she won't be immediately graduating from the crib to the top bunk. Bottom bunk, which as you can see, rests on the floor (sweet). Then I imagine someday she'll share the bed with her new sib, and/or sleepover pals.

Many props and thanks to J.Lo for assembling the bed and also the closet drawers, on what was supposed to be a relaxing Saturday afternoon.

lack vs. un-lack

what I'm not so good at:
  • making funny faces first
  • reading stories with all the voices
  • improv in the land of make-believe
  • pointing out the obvious, to teach about the world
  • conveying seriousness (i.e. HOT stove) and truly arresting her attention
  • releasing inhibitions outside of home, in adult company
  • entertaining other people's children--to me they're not "just kids," they're strangers, how would I know what they like

what I'm better at:

  • releasing inhibitions inside of home, in our own private company
  • breaking spontaneously into song, whether logical or no
  • improv, sometimes shameless, in the realm of problem-solving
  • dancing like a fool with her, and to make her laugh
  • exercising patience, much of the time
  • cookie-sharing
  • arts and crafts
  • letting her go, letting Bug be Bug

Friday, May 25, 2007

new word learned today

source: Tabatha, "Shear Genius," re: Tyson



Thursday, May 24, 2007


boy crazy pics, boots (oh and t-shirts- the fun never ends does it.)

This Just In

Stood next to: Avid,Day Asslehof,Hay. Can you fucking believe it! Saw him at a local chicken eatery getting takeout... I could not stop a. singing, come in get in my car.... etc. that youtube was priceless! b. and thinking abou the alcholic report/recording that his daughter/did/didnot make c. hello, OMG, that's avid,day asslehof,hay! FUCK!

I ordered a chinese chicken salad- they forgot the chicken but i was able to amend the situation later.... and hello... that was totally avid,day asslehof,hay!

Wednesday, May 23, 2007

not much going on here. move along.

1. blog coma
2. waiting for weekend
3. need to do laundry
4. stack of "to read": 18 deep
5. stack of clothing repairs: 10 deep
6. burgers and fries still comprise a lot of my diet
7. i miss salad
8. do i really need a new phone?
9. i love my new linen skirt
10. taking lunch doesn't mean i'm not devoted to my job. it means i have healthy boundaries.
11. boy cliques are LAME
12. when everyone else is angry it's hard to stay happy
13. laughter is totally necessary, even if we laugh too much in the office- decreasing stress, relieving anxiety, increasing bloodflow, helping my heart- i can not say i regret how much i laugh at the office.
14. my AP and i are attention whores. the guys are too busy to play along. this makes us feel: annoyed, shamed, and desirous of escalating said behavior.
15. watched 'wings of desire'- began weeping at the scene with the old man and the umbrella. further, more weeping where the same man appears. he's just talking about being a storyteller. more weeping.
16. sunflowers are reaching over 7ft tall...
17. anytime, god, you know, that thing we talked about? that would be great.
18. no more strawberries witnessed. though no one is eating the apples i bought either.
19. in the last 2 wks i've had some really good drinks. top 3: long island at the smoke house, strawberry dacquri @ mucho mas, cape cod @ beckhams grill.

Tuesday, May 22, 2007

i dropped an iron on my neck

Today I dropped an iron on my neck. In an effort to minimize craziness while ironing with K.Lo around, I chose to use the pint-sized ironing board, balanced precariously on the back of the living room chair. This board would be a lot harder for her to knock over should we get in a battle about it, even if the ironing itself would be a little more annoying to manage. Instead of going around to the front side of the chair to plug in the iron, like any normal person would, I tried to plug in the iron while kneeling in back of the chair and fumbling blindly through the two inches of space between the chair and the wall. Of course one cannot really see the outlet from this vantage, particularly when one is holding up the iron on the precariously-balanced board with her other hand. Why the iron even needed to be high up on the board in the first place instead of on a more manageable plane such as, I don't know, the floor next to me, is another mystery entirely. Anyway, I couldn't find the outlet properly and became frustrated, I let go of the iron for a second, and it fell onto my spine. And it spilled all its water on me. Also, while ironing, to add injury to insult, I burned one of my knuckles. I hate having stupid brain.

el sucko

Today J.Lo and I went out to lunch, something we don't get to do very often. As prego, it was my call, and though Schlotsky's was calling my name, I opted for us to go to Roudabush's cafe, which is a sandwich shop downtown. J.Lo had never been, and I'd been about 3 times, enjoying it every time. They have a buffet, but I've always gone with the sandwiches, because they really are very unique and good. It was what I was in the mood for.

Except that, they no longer serve sandwiches. You don't even get a menu. The options are: buffet of the day (today: country cooking) or soup, sandwich, and salad buffet. Now, I love a good country buffet, I do. But note that a) I was in the mood for a yummy sandwich, not country cooking, and b) I love a good country buffet. After discovering the new lack of choices at Roudabush's, everything about the lunch was pretty much el sucko. We paid $20 and some change for mediocre fare, including a stale, unspectacular ham and turkey sandwich, garlic mashed potatoes with Heinz gravy, lukewarm mac and cheese, and a few strawberries. They didn't even have chicken and pastry, which may have redeemed the experience, but no.

Live and learn, but next time I'm going for tried-and-true hot dogs at the Trolley Stop.

Monday, May 21, 2007

8 by pen

Even though we weren't tagged by Megs to do our Weird 8, mendacious and I, after sobbing a little, have decided to tag ourselves. Because the lists of weirdnesses between us are, I'm quite sure, endless.

1. I get really annoyed at J.Lo for picking at his nails instead of using a clipper, but then I do the same thing. And what's worse is, I will be the one to pick off a nail badly, causing pain, bleeding, and (one horrible time), infection. The infection, by the way, hurt worse than labor.

2. I'm going through a phase where I just want to paint one wall of a given room. Okay, so I've only done that once so far, in the den, but I really feel like an accent wall can transform the whole room without the time, effort, or expense of a complete repaint. Plus, you can pick bolder colors than you would for all 4 walls. Someday I'm also going to do the living room, and for K.Lo's room, I plan on keeping the top half the way it is (purple with polka dots) and painting the bottom green. That just sounded like a circus when I wrote it down. But it's going to be fabulous.

3. My cravings this pregnancy are: fruit, esp strawberries, blueberries, raspberries, peaches, apples, kiwi and watermelon. Sometimes I wonder if I really crave the fruit, or if I'm just thirsty? I still have a hard time drinking enough water. I also crave eggs, hard-boiled especially. All the other things I've mentioned eating excessively in recent history, i.e. hot dogs, pasta, pizza, and cheese, I eat all the time, even when not pregnant, so I don't feel like they count.

4. I am not a hobnobber. And name-dropping is such a huge pet peeve. I'm really not interested in who you know (unless they're like, a TV star, heh), where you or they went to school, what exactly is on your or their resume(s), and what kinds of things you or they own. I mean, I care, because it's you, and these things make up who you are, including who you spend time with. But if that's all you care about? I clam up. I back off. I find better things to do. Because clearly I am not interesting enough to be your friend. And that I am anti-networking, anti-status, anti-ass-kissing, and anti-materialism? That is exactly what will keep me from being successful in the money-earning world, in my so-called writing career, sure. I'm aware. I wish sometimes that I were more charismatic and inherently charming as a person, and that none of this hobnob deficiency or disdain would matter, but I am who I am, it is what it is, and so. I am okay with that.

5. I don't get invited many places, and not just because I don't hobnob. (Or maybe it is. Perhaps it's the lack of charisma.) I used to get really upset about this fact, like until a few years ago? Then I realized that, duh, I don't invite anyone else anywhere, either. Even though I am continually trying to be better about this particular social retardation, I still depend on others too much to do the inviting. On the other hand, I am a homebody, and don't really desire to go too many places, as it sucks the energy right out of me. I need lots of downtime, time spent watering the plants and watching the fish. Which is yet another thing that makes me boring, I think, but again, yeah, I'm all right with that.

6. I'm a sl o o o w reader. I always have been, and then the problem became worse with classes in English and creative writing. It took me nearly 2 1/2 years out of school (and it's only been 3, total) to not think so much about the story's elements and to just enjoy the ride, but I'm still slow. I just need to soak up every word and understand exactly what is happening and how and why. It takes time. This habit or quality frustrates me, though, and I so wish I could just breeze through book after book like so many of my friends do.

7. I love horseradish. I'm not so much a fan of typically "spicy" or "hot" food, at least once it's to the point of obscuring taste and/or inducing tears. But the heat of horseradish, wasabi and the like? It's thrilling, the way it kind of creeps up behind your sinuses to set your mind on fire. I could eat horseradish plain out of the jar, I think. When I stayed in England, most days I would go to this local sandwich shop for lunch and order a turkey sandwich with mustard, and this mustard, as is apparently standard in England, was laced with horseradish. It was so fantastic, and I've spent the past 8 years, with no success, trying to find mustard that will compare.

8. I don't like red radishes. Don't they have a similar bite? Can't really stand them, never could, despite that they're much prettier than horseradish. Radishes are one of the few foods that I avoided as a kid, but didn't pass on the Second Chance Test as an adult. Potato salad, coleslaw, asparagus, and pierogies all made it into the edible category, but radishes, not so much.

I tag Ashley and Johann.

off my list

So, Summer Movie Season 2007 has begun, and in addition to written EW descriptions of upcoming features, we now have the commercials. And because of the commercials, I have to revise my list. It's just too embarassing, leaving it out there like that, after getting more of the real flavor of what's in store. Dunzo are the following:

1. License to Wed. Sorry Jim from The Office, sorry Mandy Moore. This flick looks bad. And it's not even just that Robin Williams once again seems to cross that line of what's really funny over into what's really stupid, playing the high-pitched, hyped-up priest who is running the couple's marriage prep class. The stuff they're supposed to do looks dumb, the plot in general seems plain retarded, and though I laughed a tiny bit at the MC Hammer ref... no. Just, no.

2. Hot Rod. Why do films featuring SNL cast members tend to be mega-stupid? It's like, all that comedic talent, and it goes to waste once they hit the big screen. How do these scripts get greenlit? I despise "stupid" comedy... comedy reserved for fifth-grade boys, with absolutely no intelligence behind it. A fart joke thrown in here and there, a vomiting walrus--whatever. If you must, you must. But a whole film with such a brainless, slapstick-only vibe? Maybe I'm misjudging this movie, and it will turn out to be a Ferrell- or Sandler-esque exception to the SNL rule. But, I really don't think so. Boo.

That's all for now, but I have a feeling I might be adding amendments to this list as reviews and additional ads are released.


clean: bathroom, living room, hallway, bedrooms (yay!)

still to go: other bathroom, dining room

magic: 50/50 water-to-bleach spray-bottle solution, which does, as noted by some HGTV show I can't remember, obliterate mildew spots on painted walls

veggies: kind of fantastic-looking, have high hopes for tomatoes, cukes, eggplants, and magic beanstalk later this summer

marigolds, oddly: half-eaten? Could be Bender.

baby: 8 days till we know

season finales watched: Ugly Betty (thumbs up!), Grey's Anatomy (thumbs down), The Office (thumbs way up!)

season finales to go: Heroes, Lost

movies attended: Spiderman 3

K.Lo: cute

roof: patched (whew)

collage photos in hallway: yup

mendacious: uncanny knack for calling me twenty seconds before lunch ;)

camping trip: in the works

mood: not half-bad

lists: probably overdone at this point, but what can you do. It's been a here, there, little bit of this and that couple of weeks. Hopefully a good story to report soon.

Friday, May 18, 2007

double entendre

:a word or expression capable of two interpretations with one usually risqué

hypothetically speaking a conversation btw 3 people went something like this: a girl, let's call her mary, walks with a handful of strawberries. her friend, raquel, walks by her side. she offers the strawberries to 3 different boys. the first 2 boys decline. upon reaching the third boy the friend says, oh you don't want those, they're full of mary's juices.

boy: what?

mary: ignore her.

raquel: what... they're full of mary's jucies. (she means cooties)

boy: oh really? (he and mary both know it means something else)

(he takes a strawberry. puts it to his mouth and starts moving it around and playfully, seductively licking it with his tongue)

boy: mmm, yes, so good. mmm...

(mary has turned the color of her strawberry. she rolls her eyes and shakes her head. raquel is confused.)

boy: (he eats it) so so good.

mary: it's sweet isn't it. (under her breath, just like the ...)

boy: (seriously) yes it was good. sweet, just like the person who gave it to me.

mary: you see raquel, he knows how to charm all the girls.

happy little porch

herbacious corner: basil, lemon thyme,

on the wagon: gerber daisies,
lovely minis found at Fresh

left side, the long view

pretty flowers: dianthus, hydrangea,

philodendron: finally a spot where it will feel

Wednesday, May 16, 2007

i don't even know

What to blog about. I feel like lists are popular these days. I could blog about TV, but I wouldn't want to frighten anyone. I could ponder the crazed Survivor jury, the box of tissues I went through during Gilmore's finale, or the fact that of course Jaslene won, in the end it was obvious. Natasha and Rene will still have modeling careers, it's fine. Anyway, in a few weeks, TV watching will be a veritable dessert, with an occasional sip of water here and there in the form of, say, Last Comic Standing. I have lots of reading planned, which I should be doing anyway, as well as working on my afghan. I wish Patron Saint of Liars was going faster, but that's just my slow brain, and the overwhelming desire for an afternoon nap.

K.Lo is cuter than ever, but not much new to say, except, why don't stores carry decent collections of reasonably-priced sundresses for women, too. She wore a dress today that, summer-wise, was about brilliant. Color, cut, comfiness? I want one.

I'm still behind on emailing, to which I apologize to everyone. I was very busy making deviled eggs today, and wondering why, if I boiled a dozen eggs, how come only about half that turned out deviled? I must have eaten more than I realized. It's that baby, it's a food fiend. Speaking of which, I had an extremely vivid dream last night regarding the ultrasound, which revealed the baby to be a girl, with dark hair. Clearly this was one amazing ultrasound, to indicate hair color. And does it mean anything? A few weeks ago, I had an equally vivid dream that the ultrasound showed it was a boy, so I'm banking very little on the psychic potential of dreams, or at least my dreams. They're all beyond vivid during pregnancy, and very weird. I'm sort of in the process of applying for an at-home, few-hours-a-week job? But I don't want to talk about that with anyone, as it may jinx it, and anyway, do I really need a job on top of the one I already have. It seems a little nuts, but maybe. In the meantime, the plants are growing, and for some reason, I really love watering them this year. Maybe it's just a phase, and they'll all die soon. But I think it's my front porch, and how much I love it this year with all its greenery. I should take a picture. Really, as far as porches go, I suppose it's not that spectacular, but compared to the past two summers, which featured a completely empty, blank sad porch that no one ever visited? It's just fantastic. Tomorrow, or the next day if it decides to rain, pictures will be taken and posted. Which--just on an aside? What is with Blogger's space limit for photos? It's making me nervous. We're not even close yet, but still. Yahoo mail is on the verge of doing away with their space limits, and I feel Blogger should follow suit.

Oh, and also, I can't wait for blueberry season. They're kind of expensive now, but they're at least as good as candy, and I can't help myself. That is all.

Tuesday, May 15, 2007

things missed

  1. gifts. i'm horrible at this intense pressure cookered environ. my best bet is to always get the gift late, because it gives me time to clear my head and focus on all the considerations of person meets taste meets disposition. but then consequently as i was reminded yesterday sometimes forethoughtfulness and the element of surprise is really just beautiful. whether in a bag, containing a thoughtful book or a helium balloon, and confetti all over my desk... things like that. points out my total failing on this point. and i must reflect on how to correct such an intimidating failing. failing. failing.
  2. grandma: not knowing her better... not to mention not knowing all the dead ones better. and her soon to be dead and all the people who are going to die and the things i'm missing in everyones lives.
  3. perilously behind on lists...
  4. close to going money crazy with the having of the money. mental noted: leave as little as possible in the acct so you can't possibly spend it.
  5. brush cats now, or pay for it in flying fur later.
  6. enjoy garden more even if you leave at 8am and get home at 7pm. things are blooming forgodskake.
  7. life. and possibly, going a little boy crazy.

Monday, May 14, 2007

aptly named

On a fairly regular basis, it strikes me how aptly named our blog is. (Mis)Adventures. Exactly. I wouldn't expect anything else. On Saturday, as part of Road Trip 3, I drove from H-borough to Chapel Hill for J's MSW graduation, to be held at the Dean Smith Center. When I found out it was at the Dean Smith Center, I was like, fabulous! I know exactly where that is, I've been there before, there's a big parking lot, it's away from downtown CH and main campus... except that it is not. What I was really thinking of was the Friday Center. Which, incidentally did house some department's graduation around the same time, but what in the world would be the point of going to that one, other than the chance to mock the undergraduates' tragic Smurf blue robes? I thought also that the MSW graduation began at 1:30, and I arrived at Friday approximately 15 minutes before. Maybe I would have time to try again? I called my parents, got directions, pondered, internally mocked the Smurf robes, all of which brought me t0 1:28, and still sitting in the Friday Center lot. No time. So I headed back. Just as I was pulling off onto my parents' exit, J's husband called with a life-check, and also vague directions should I try again, because actually, the ceremony started at 2:00. I had about 12 minutes. Why not go for it. Why not indeed. Because when you are a directionally-challenged, IQ-sapped prego with only 12 minutes to find a building in downtown Chapel Hill, park, etc, you should really just cash in your chips and forget it. You will not make it. In fact, what will probably happen is that you will take yet another wrong turn, a good 20-minute segue, and by the time you find yourself tooling down Franklin Street, it will be 2:30, and you will be wondering where the last hour and a half of your life went, and would it be possible to get it back please.

Anyway, I made it to the after-party, a lovely family party with the promise of prime rib. And I would have actually have loved to stay for the whole party, but only on the condition that I could be zapped home instantly. I had K.Lo, the next day included Mother's Day plans with J.Lo, and it was just time. One more problem though: rain. It is one of worst-nightmare situations to drive a) in the rain on I-40, and b) in the dark and rain on I-40. Wherever possible, I avoid it. I'll stay an extra day if I have to. Unfortunately though, I had hit the Road Trip Wall. I was done. I needed home. I would brave the rain.

Which is all well and good to say before you set out, confident that everything will be fine, and you will live. It drizzled for about an hour around dusk before I hit the storm, which lit up the black sky with blinding intensity. Forty-five minutes, two hydroplane incidents, two long stretches using hazard lights, twelve mental beatings over choosing a car without ABS, fifteen pleas to God that I wouldn't kill myself and/or the baby, and one minor stroke later, I broke through to the other side. Twenty miles outside of ILM, it was like a line had been drawn in the rain sand. I told J.Lo, it's coming, and you'll see. Except that it never did--which kind of sucks for the garden, because we really could have used the rain.

Dave and Buster Fun Had by Few

So I dragged two friend to D&B... for some drinks and games (again). AirHockey was a drunken highlight as well as a gunner game called Air Raid, and of course the ever popular Daytona Speedway. Sadly the skiball machine was out and there were not many exciting things in the prize store. But we still found ways to compete with one another. Hurray.

Other weekend highlights were: calls from friends, prime rib, almost breaking even at the art fair- thankfully due to some low-low priced seaweed pressings, a 4 song serenade, a birthday bouquet and chocolate, and more chocolate and possibly my dangly new earrings, and my friends calling me to wish me happy birthday.

Questions asked: Goals? To stay employed, to go to nicaragua before 32, and put a sign on that says: I know you wanna. Just cuz. Oh also my year goals include: kayaking, weightloss, exercise, debt-reduction and art production. Highlights of the year include: getting this current job, and all the aquatic nature related activities i've done so far. Lowlights: not having the current job i have now. Any other questions? Oh and also that thing i asked for with vodka and cranberry is called a 'capecod'... whatev'

Sunday, May 13, 2007

and many more...

A toast to our fair mendacious today, on her 31st birthday. A best friend, a master of wit, observation and snark, a true artiste, a rocker of Ren bodices--may 2007 into 2008 be a prosperous and memorable year filled with good luck, love, travel, friends, the job, humor, inspiration, and of course, more (mis)adventuring. Cheers to you!

Saturday, May 12, 2007

Rock the Bodice

So the bodice: I got this bodice at a ren fair store on site called "Hearts Delight". You can find them online but it's not the best site ever. And you'll probably want to find one to try on first. Their bodices are made with flexible boning and you'll eventually maybe want to replace it with something stronger like steel- It's also fancily reversable, as most are. This one cost me $80. The rest of the outfit was bought on a wild creditcard expedition back in 1999 by the same clothier.... which i think cost me around $120. But you can get cheaper non-linen get ups too. And then build the outfit from there with a leather belt, a pouch, a flagon to drink from...

Early i tried to find one online. It's possible but the websites are all pretty janky but if you really want one they're out there. and don't call them corsets. they get angry.

And if you do get one, i demand pics!

Friday, May 11, 2007

Ah, the fair.

Breasts Breasts Breasts
--not my breasts

Having not been harassed, nearly enough, on my first visit I was determined to bodice up on the 2nd. Upon my visit to Hearts Delight I selected a bodice and my breasts were then manhandled into position. I told her I had far set breasts but she didn’t quite believe me when I told her I would never have that bodice squished crack, where many a women stick roses and other accouterments to taunt many a male. She was thusly defeated when no amount of ratcheting up and pulling-in worked. We then began a conversation on how she had a breast reduction, which by the way, you could not tell! And that I could get surgery to correct my uneven breast issue. As one apparently folds differently than another, it has nothing to do with size but the way it forms. I stood fascinated. I said, I thank thee, glancing downward. You see she said, and she showed me- Wow, hazah I said hazah, wow.
Afterward my friend kerry began her unhealthy fascination with all the breasts that were spilling out, sagging, bulging, getting sun burnt. Because the Ren Faire is notoriously a place wear large women, older women, can let it all hang out... or at least for the rest, or the slightly breasted, where their breasts may be on display and not looked at askance and when harassed for sexual favors, generally amused and not horrified. I had pastry flakes down my bodice, after lunch, (t’was a tasty toad-n-hole) and was fishing them out on two separate occasions while walking down a path, when I was asked by young men if I could be assisted. May I help thee with that? Nay, I thank thee… But first was the wry smile of consideration.

My friend kerry was reminded that not all the people outside of LA are beautiful people. And that in LA we have a particular concentration of them. At best i think, you have to be willing to play when at the Ren Faire. Like when you were a kid and you never thought once about the adventure you were having, you just talked in a certain way and longed to be in a different place, and made yourself there. Beautiful or Ugly. Plain or Fetching. Whether with flowers in your hair, ribbons or a sheet wrapped around you. My friend Callie wanted to be carried off by a knight, slightly dreaded the prospect, but slightly sad when it never happened. Since of course I’m sure they have rules for those sorts of things... I would say both my friends are very carry-off-able and i would've done my best to smack the villain on the head with my basket and say, Nay, nay, hold off! And then i'd start screaming for my 'father' or the sheriff. And then you note when not in LA that no matter, you’re desirable, you’re flesh and blood, and there are men and women, and beer and turkey legs, and maypole dancing and it seems so much more authentic than the chimera that I work in.

Either way attending the RenFaire makes you face your judgmental attitude towards those living the fantasy or makes you long for it. The occasional shirtless, well-built and tan, Scotsman with the sword helps too. Or the knights and swords and merry flags, trumpets and the queens processional, or hearing Greensleeves a’cappella, and knife jugglers or comedians on tightropes, and the irish dancers and the bagpipes, and the dusty road, and the cute children, and the cry of ‘GodSaveTheQueen’… and plenty of breasts.

love a good episode

Last night's episode of The Office was so exciting for me, I could barely stand it. It contained references to:

1. Harry Potter! Dwight's Beach Day Tribe was Gryffindor, and in response, Jim's team was Voldemort. Loved the way they taunted Dwight by chanting "Vol-de-mort," because he is, after all, "He Who Must Not be Named."

2. Survivor! Michael divided the workers into four tribes, and threw in random, totally out-of-context references to Tribal Council throughout the competition. It was fantastic.

3. Amanda Bynes. Kelly, in all her vapidity, referenced Amanda Bynes as a comedian (just like Bob Hope?). Then Michael said very seriously, "I love that movie, 'What a Girl Wants.'"

4. Willy Wonka. A few months ago, Andy confessionalled that the 5 Stamford branch newcomers were being picked off at the Scranton branch just like in "Charlie and the Chocolate Factory." I about lost it when he plopped into the water wearing his Sumo outfit and floated away, a la Augustus Gloop.

Then, to make it all even more worth it, Pam, jacked up on adrenaline after her coal walk, was brazenly honest to Jim about her feelings. She said everything she should have re: the wedding, Roy, their friendship, their relationship now. It was stunning. I cannot wait for next week's ep--except then it will be over for the summer. I predict Karen will get the NYC job and leave (effectively making her Charlie Bucket, winner of the grand prize, work-wise), and Jim, probably in a cliffhanger, will approach Pam so they can then live happily every after. Happy Vapid Kelly Sigh.

Thursday, May 10, 2007


Today's smooth move: opening the front door for K.Lo and I, overseeing her step down onto the porch with a pitcher of water in my hand, watching her tumble forward in a sort of somersault, and then in an effort to save her, dumping water all over her head. Sorry, Bug.

Tomorrow: Road Trip 3, hopefully the last for a little while. It's not that I mind traveling, I don't. When I actually reach my destination and can settle in for a day or two or three, I tend to have a great time. It's just the prep that goes into it, like for days before and after, I feel like I'm sort of on pause until the trip is over and everything's cleaned up from it. I stop reading, blogging, emailing, etc. It's like Travel Purgatory.

So, next week: I'm just going to Stay Home and Be. I'd like to clean several rooms, and sort through the mountains of pictures I just ordered. I hadn't ordered any pics since September, the sheer volume of this shipment is frightening. And I'm planning new nursery colors, and trying to decide whether my current consensus is too busy. But it's a kid's room--lots of color and action, within reason, is a good thing, no? I think it will work. Also, Bug should be getting a new bed soon. It's the greatest bed on earth, I feel. A reversible bunk bed where the bottom mattress actually rests on the floor, so it's like a little cave to play in during the day. And then if you don't want to use it as a bunk bed anymore, you can flip it over and it's a single twin bed. Fantastico!

Secret I'll take to the grave: shipping & handling charges from IKEA. I won't even tell J.Lo. It's... shocking. Literally, when the rep read me the amount over the phone, I stopped breathing for a moment.

But, moving on: didn't Dionne totally deserve to go home on ANTM? She's been lagging for weeks, but flying under the radar. Natasha had a bad, bad day, and I wish she could have stepped it up through her sickness. But it was her first "second chance." Jaslene only has one look that's fierce, and so I want her to go home, leaving Natasha and NeNe (omg, stop it with the "personas" already), to battle it out on the catwalk. In spite of what the other girls say regarding Natasha's elusiveness, I'm intrigued and amused that she keeps her cards close to her chest, and I kind of hope she takes it all. Who cares if her husband's 40+ and she practically makes out with the phone while they're talking. I like her.

And then what will happen?: We're coming up on my most dreaded time of year, summer. Most particularly because all the good TV goes away and we're left with crappy knockoffs, i.e. Pirate Master. What is that all about? Survivor, it won't be. And Johann, I just don't know about Earl, or about any of these Survivors left. I was so Team Alex, now I don't know who to root for. Possibly I'll be cheering on Yau-Man, and yeah, if Earl wins I won't be too disappointed. But Stacy? Or Cassandra? Or even Boo? BLEGH. Maybe I'll root for Dreamz. He is an ILM-er, even if he is, at least in the world of Survivor Strategy, a few fries short of a Happy Meal. (ANTM: Best line ever!)

Anyway, as I was saying: Summer. It's so goddamn hot, is the thing. Must think about fresh, in-season vegetables, flip-flops, and sitting on the porch. Cookouts and camping trips. And in the absence of good TV, more reading, and more movies! Or, for the moment, maybe I won't think about it at all.

Wednesday, May 9, 2007

Retroactive Breakup

So, due to the many curses of myspace i found out that the show i worked on before the NBSC was getting ready to premiere. I thought, the hell?! Curiously i never received a call about the show starting back up and had always thought i'd receive one in june. With the job I'd honestly forgotten about it until the fated moment i clicked on my homepage and saw the bullitien announcement. I called a friend i worked with and she told me she didn't know until she'd gotten there but she and another guy who i know, felt so bad about it, they didn't want to tell me. Apparently that story asst, whom i gather is probably shagging the producer, got her friend hired over me. which you know, really bums me the fuck out. i know i shouldn't feel bad about it bcs i love the job i've got now, but come on! it's just LAME. and those smiling waving faces, that are lying and saying, we'll give you a call! we promise! you were great! we love you! are just you know disappointingly human and disloyal. and no harm no foul... right? i have another gig, a better, nirvana inspiring one. but even after all... it still smarts, ouch. retroactive rejection blows.

Tuesday, May 8, 2007


Location: home again, after a whirlwind trip to DC and MD. Visited the Smithsonian, saw among other things Abe Lincoln's hat from the day he was shot, Kermit the Frog from 1970, an outfit that George Washington wore, and Dorothy's ruby red slippers, all live and in person, even if behind glass. Also many space exhibits and the Hope Diamond, for a nanosecond. Saw the Washington Monument, the Capitol Building, and the White House for the first time ever. Bought Bug some animals. Decided we must venture back for more than a few hours, definitely a few days. Want to see the zoo, and the monuments in further detail, as well as the museums, and go on on the boat-mobile that drives directly into the river. Sunday, a lovely visit with fam, held a sweet little new baby. Monday, a trip to IKEA!, hours and hours on the road and then HOME. Pizza. Sleep.

[caption: OMG, it's Carrie Bradshaw's computer, Seinfeld's Puffy Shirt, and Mr. Rogers' sweater! Glorious artifacts from my 80s, 90s, and 00s TV experiences, all in one case!]

Bug: precocious. Give the child a few bites of brownie and if she decides that's not enough, she's off to the kitchen, stretching and waving and whining up at the brownie container on the shelf. Sheesh! Also though, a good traveler. Couldn't be more pleased.

Headaches: went away, but now returned. Pondering fall travel, very pregnant travel, to up North. Plane, train, automobile? Money, rental cars, and gasoline. It's all too much.

Trips: another this week, back to RDU, to celebrate an MSW graduation--go Sebs, woohoo!

IKEA: I'm all over the catalog.

Floors: freshly vacuumed.

Suitcase, bags: all unpacked.

TV: lots to see this week, but then soon all the good stuff will be over, no?

Miffed: Missed the Australia's Next Top Model Marathon on VH1 this past Sunday.

Dustin Diamond on CFC: like a traffic accident. A rude, loud-mouthed, un-self-aware traffic accident.

Amazing Race conflusion: eh.

Brain cells: fizzling.

Green: not so much?

Scale: lies.

Smooth Move of the Weekend: forgetting camera not only in DC, but also for Sunday family gathering. Nearly murdered by J.Lo.

Emails, blog posts/comments (by me): soon!

Monday, May 7, 2007


My poem got published in a random canadian mag and i got $25. Awesome. Internationally published? Yes.

(73 degrees) (23:26pm)
(Facing East)
A pain, and now fit.
Tripping over ill-matched tracks.
Once upon the rails,
Flowed, flawless.
But some derision,
Rips past and far-a field.
This pull, this fret,
And bloodied hands.
Climb and stumble back.
But missing.
But black/ and not a sound.
No post of welcome.
Now barriers to going back.
She murmurs,
He waves-
In shadows, across
A shorn field.
We turn, we walk.
We do not speak,
Down these separate paths

Sunday, May 6, 2007


I had a dream about my friend, the director, who i used to work for. I blame the RenFair for the make-up of the dream though i find the circumstances still baffling. Like, why him... And then of course I email him the dream i had and he doesn't respond. Awkward. Thanks.

So: We are standing on the top of a very long fortified wall of a castle- aka parapet- it's a bright still day, and very quiet. There is a long row of people all sitting down along the wall, facing out to the other side of the wall and out into the distance. No one is walking around or saying anything. And i am about 20yds away from my director friend, also seated, when suddenly there is a tall man, with short cropped hair and in light chainmail i think, holding a long sword directly at my friend. I watch him for a moment and then jump up, sensing he is in danger. i start screaming for someone to help him, and as i'm running towards them, i yell at the crowd, angrily because they aren't doing anything. The man ignored me until i was close, and thinking, what the hell am i going to do? He has a sword. As my hands fly up his sword catches the palm of my left hand and cuts it deeply. He starts towards me and I run left and he follows me.

Saturday, May 5, 2007


Who cares what it is- it's a freewheeling excuse for tequila. and taquitos. but does it naturally mix with an office party? i don't know if i stepped into a time warp or something old school but my office decided we all needed to throw down with margaritas and beer. it didn't seem unusual to anyone else but i've never actually worked for a corporation that liquers up their employees from 3-6 on a friday.

i might've had one strong margarita too many (because i made it) but i got to talk to the boys i work for, their ages, their relationship status and blurt possibly too loudly how evil the post department is. then i go downstairs to maybe sober up a little before driving home only for the editor to have me do work before i left, which as you know, trying to concentrate while slightly uh, distracted, is such a downer. like, er what? gah! he gives me a side hug and says, i'm sorry for making you work. and then i thought this boy is much too familiar with me.

and he's touching me! at this point i'm possibly much too silly with all that sugary marmix. as all the boys gaze at me before we leave, i'm thinking, i don't look that drunk do i? i might possibly be inappropriately snarking and my head possibly tilting too far to the left, but still. no need for the captain morgan jokes and my AP asking me if i'm really "okay". no really, snark, laugh, really. i'm -just- fine.

i would say, lesson learned, but come on, i knew what i was getting into. let's find a couch and get real chatty. i've got the renfaire tomorrow. where's the boy to make out with in the corner?


Friday, May 4, 2007

week in review

blog posts, comments: pitifully few

smooth move: punching self in eye while sealing Downy fabric softener ball

friends moved away/newly missed: 1

dead cell phones: 1

new cell phones: 1

cookie batches baked: 3

road trips taken: 1 (to RDU)

road trips to go: 1 (to DC, MD)

need to call back: mendacious

a/c: finally repaired

floor: filthy (circulated dog hair from aforementioned a/c)

packing left to do: about half?

colds caught/not yet gone away: 1

Green: twice, once from starvation and once from cold medicine

sundries to purchase: 3--nylons, Bug shoes, and a non-hideous sweater in case it's cold this weekend

Survivor: defeated, as Alex is gone, and the remaining are smug, and I don't care who wins

The Office: weird ep to start with all the disturbing phallus mentions? but in the end freaking hilarious, as usual

Gilmore Girls: only 2 weeks left, then done forever

ANTM: Brittany, you cry too much

The Bachelor: Bevin, you cry too much

times cried: 0, but times felt like it? a few

unruly Bugs: 1

headaches: too many to count

tolerance level at present: low.

Thursday, May 3, 2007

sweet peas harvested, 2 pairs of sandals arrived, skirts tended too, almond clusters eaten, lost a fedex center, package fail send, sunflowers and roses too, burger and fries, frustration, tom jones, an email, a sad lonely feeling, strawberries, nails polished, dogs brushed, weeds plucked, stairs climbed, chairs swiveled, legs arranged, ankles rotated, forward bends, head itched, age discussed, tv watched, seeds shucked, laughed, sighed, numbed finger, and many words typed, more lists made, the snugly fit sandals.

Wednesday, May 2, 2007


skirts dyed 3
top accidentally dyed 1
strawberries eaten 3
almond clusters 3
deodorant forgotten 1
showered 1
new gel heel inserts 1
orbit mojito flavored gum 2
that guy michael from l-ost 1
grumpy people 8
dogs brushed 2
cats brushed 3
cash back $20
forward bends 5...

Tuesday, May 1, 2007

hi blog,

how's it going? me, i'm working or whatever?

I locked myself out of the house yesterday but left the window open. came home to find the .bot moored in the middle of the floor but failed to fix it... went to the ren faire, remembered what it was like to be desired, to want to be desired, watched the queen at court and washed the dust of my feet. going back on saturday. feeling young. feeling old. words like, you'll learn or you just have to, sting my adult sensibility. have some roving anxiety 12 days till 31, but unrelated to age, something forgotten, left off a list somewhere and undefined. recall that time in alaska when the expanse engulfed me in a desolate embrace. keep going to work, keep exercising, keep knocking things off the list, but can't seem to find what exactly it is, what i'm getting accomplished.