Saturday, May 29, 2010
Friday, May 28, 2010
The only thing I was combating while i was there, was the sinking realization that this temp job i had agreed to interview was thee worst possible thing for me. It was like, at the time i swallowed the pill not realizing its disastrous effects until it was already traveling down my esophagus. The temp woman who wants me to retool my resume, offered me an interview with a 3month assignment- pretty nice of her, considering the competitive field of even temp offices. Until I crunched the #'s and the horrific realization that I make as much on unemployment, and it would be for something I'm not remotely interested in. And an equal realization i need to be way more grateful if my 3rd ext. comes through. And i wont know that until next week. But anyway faced up against that, I'll take anything, do anything- suddenly seemed really wrong. Like I was trying to walk away from a place that God deliberately had me in. And that to walk away just to walk away seemed flawed if not perilously ridiculous. Though I'm sure it would've been fine either way. I was bound up with anxiety in between beautiful strains of stringed instruments, though I think one of the pieces was geared for that- the need to deep breathe. So anyway I called her at 830 which was as long as I can wait, in between the sinking feeling that i was getting a cold, but I'll continue to blame allergies, and she was perfectly nice about it as I rattled on about needing to get ready and blahblahblah, its not right, yadda, yadda, inner voice, screeching No! in the dark all night, etc,etc,etc.
Thursday, May 27, 2010
Yawn. I’m too old to stay out until 1 AM, particularly on a school night, but at the time it seemed the thing to do. Henna, the dice game called Bunco, ice cream pie and a bottle of Cupcake wine might have been involved. Also a full moon, as well as some twinkle lights.
Three days after kickboxing, I no longer feel 152 years old, so that’s progress. Everything except for my feet and my face hurt, and then I kinked my neck, on top of it all. So maybe yoga helped yesterday, or maybe it was just time and sleep. Which I didn’t get enough of last night, but I think I already mentioned that. Anyway, out of all the harder-core classes at the gym, kickboxing seems the most feasible, and least boring, and least likely to kill me off but still provide a challenge. It’s definitely a challenge, especially since it’s been over 5 years since my last attempts, and even those weren’t so breakneck (kink-necked?) paced. But you know I enjoy kicking and punching the shit out of imaginary targets; it feels productive somehow. As opposed to cycling into an imaginary distance or jumping around for the thrill of fallen arches.
When’s the last time I challenged myself physically, I wonder? Am I as strong physically as I am mentally (no) and do I care? Should I devote energy to this cause just to explore what it means? These are some of my ponderings this week. And in yoga, our intent was to hear our inner music, and mine was the ocean, which sort of surprised me.
I’ll pick up our book again for sure. I was waiting for your go. In the meantime, I finished my YA novel and picked up another one about almost-dying, and the jacket copy is so cheesy I nearly slapped the book out of J.Lo’s hands when he picked it up off the counter. Because if I weren’t me, I’d definitely make fun of me for reading it. But I love a good YA book, I really do.
I’ve got chocolate-chip cookies to eat and must figure out what on earth to do with all those green onions.
Wednesday, May 26, 2010
I need to take a shower but that's currently impossible and brush my teeth but I don't feel like it. I think maybe after I plant all the baby plants I'll shower outside. It's more possible than it would seem like doing other things outside, which really I don't mind doing because I'm that sort of person. As a side note the only worry i have about the bathroom is the shittylooking tub that we're keeping and i'm worried that the vanity which I think we're also keeping needs some massive overhaul before it looks anywhere decent... oh and the 80's industrial window my parents are refusing to replace. I know all of these things will look like crap against shiny new tile and a sparkly new mirror and more bathroom lighting, is all I'm saying. And it just means that I have to stare at something when i go in there and huff and think SOMEDAY. And by that I mean some mythical day when I have money? or a husband? or what? to be able to replace a shittywindow and buy a new vanity. ? Never. Anyway.
I'm a tad cranky. And everytime I sigh the muscles around my ribs hurt because of yoga. Whatever I'll sign off. I'm going to start reading our book again and I'll pick another alternate so i don't get too far ahead. What with the no power coming my way in a minute. Sure I could meditate but thats only for an hour and I'm boycotting that right now. I did however give myself a really kick ass looking pedicure and manicure. And there's a chance my benefits might get extended again. So there's that. And tanning. And I don't know what else. Oh and yah, what a weird season finale for the office. I almost liked that there was no really big cliff hanger. House was good though it seemed a bit rushed. Maybe I'll bump up my netflix to 2 at a time now. Though I only have 30 things on my que... so then what? Nevermind.
Monday, May 24, 2010
I’ve taken a book hiatus for the sake of one, short book that I just picked up from a weeks-long waitlist. It’s a YA. It’s good. Not much else really exists outside of the book. I should push myself to get more accomplished during the day, like writing for work or laundry or whatever. I do what I do. Summer seems to be hovering in the wings. I haven’t been to church for one reason or another for like 3 weeks or a month. We had turnips in our produce box last week and I made some carrot/turnip/cheese thing that J.Lo hated, which somehow offended me deeply. I can’t even explain. All’s forgiven now, but still. I’m wary of next week’s beets. The caterpillars continue to eat the cabbage, and a fine feast they’re having. The regular super-hardware-store doesn’t carry BT, so we have to find it elsewhere. In the meantime, we pick them off, but they’re like silent, green whack-a-moles, they just keep appearing. I’ve thought about reigniting our writing group, moving it to a platform like tumblr or something, since ning’s now charging, but then that would mean I’d actually have to write. Which I have ideas for, but I don’t know if I’m ready for. If that makes sense. Am I rambling? Totally. I watched Greys on Thursday and then Precious on Friday, which was decidedly a traumatic combo that I’m still recovering from, but I can’t say they weren’t well-told stories. I’ve managed to find a way to semi-wean (hate that word, wean, it’s like weenies) myself off FB, I delete maybe 75% of my emails without even reading them (all the non-personal ones), I refuse to read comments on any sort of news story or professional blog post anymore because people are stupid and mean and make me sick. And I’ve remained peripherally informed of the oil spill disaster, but mostly it makes me lightheaded so I can’t think about it too much because what are we supposed to do. Chicken stirfry tonight. Thunderstorms all week and an almost-full moon. Kickboxing this morning for the first time in years. I did okay in that I lived, but we’ll see how I recover and if I return. That’s all I’ve got, for now.
Friday, May 21, 2010
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
So… We all knew Teyon—oops, Krista,would win, right? And I do notice that in the last episode the editors work extra hard to make sure both girls are likeable enough to be a Cover Girl. (But do they ever air those commercials outside of the competition??) I did like both girls more by the end of the episode, Krista and her cute family – and her last picture (ugly/pretty) did kick ass, for sure. And Rainna and her geeky pictures of yore, and her complete, genuine confusion that her optimism seems to piss some people off. I kind of love her optimism, even though she half needs a smack. I just always wonder how hard people have to work at that perpetual upbeatness, or does it come as naturally to them as my prickliness comes to me? I mean, I am an optimistic individual much of the time, but not peppy. I guess that’s the difference.
So anyway, I think Krista probably did deserve to win, though at one point, and I’ll only say this in a whisper… she looked really old! It was one of the closeups, and I’m sure she didn’t have the proper amount spackle on her face to fight off the evil forces of HD filming. The fashion show was kind of fun! It could have been a major cheese-fest with the fun-flirty-fabulous thing, but I liked the oddness of the circus, somehow.
And I loved that – oh wait, have you watched the first hour yet? – in the airplane runway challenge, the Jays were like, um… none of y’all have any personality…? Soo, yeah. Because it’s true. I really did not love Alexandra’s attempt at “funky” during both that challenge and the runway. Angelea was a trainwreck as usual, but I do have to say I found myself a little teary at her goodbye, like even though she was a tool for the most part this season, she really has come a long way in her life, the little bunny. And I do hope she continues modeling, because she did book all those freaking go-sees. What was up with Krista practically gobbling up her jewelry win? I mean, I guess she had in mind to give duplicates to her friends at home, or something? It just painted her as unnecessarily greedy, but then again, I think that was exactly the purpose of that scene – let’s see what she does with the extras! Kind of like making sure those kids on MTV have plenty of alcohol while living in homes with no television or books or anything else to do.
Editing at panel –- totally disjointed for sure, but I would argue no more so than past seasons? Because they intentionally amp up the drama of the unknown. Surely there were more comments about Rainna and her linebacker walk, more snark about her lack of emotional depth, or something. Her lack of versatility in a worldwide market, which by the way I don’t agree with. I see her as versatile as Nicole from Cycle 6 or Kartarzyna, who is now a pretty badass model. Regardless—I think it came down that comment from both Tyra and Krista about her win being bigger than her? for her dark-dark skin. Which I can appreciate, to some extent, except that it disregards all past contestants/winners of color and pretends it’s something new. I’m just saying. It all goes back to the lack of personality overall in this entire Cycle (except for maybe the cult girl), and not having anything more interesting to say. Get a better *spiel,* girls – if you must. :)
on to the next season,
Monday, May 17, 2010
It’s raining and is supposed to rain for a few days. Kind of lovely and matching my mood. The garden looks happy, though.
Caaaabbage! And orange roses. They’re here.
A peek into the leaves reveals squash and their ginormous flowers, and a green Roma.
Eggplant flower. BASIL.
I do love my garden.
Saturday, May 15, 2010
When do I get to hear about your b-day celebrations? I mean other than the tantalizing picture of the mud. And the Korean BBQ. Your present is in my mind, promises to be a concrete reality sometime in the near future. I do wish that I could have been there, and speaking of that, we really need to square up our plans to create and patent a transcontinental teletransporter. We could call it the trans-transporter.
I was in a BAD, BAD mood all week. Completely self-absorbed, I admit. I think I’m over it now, for the most part and for the moment. Strangely, going to beach, which I was initially so resistant to for its pain-in-the-assness, worked magic. Ah, ocean, sand, salty air.
This weekend I’m starting my project for church preschool, which is to make a Last Supper scene out of Sculpey. The concept goes along with Catechesis of the Good Shepherd (specifically the Atrium), some I’m Google-imaging for ideas. My shelf/platform is on the smaller side, so I have to decide on sizing, and I think I might go with flatter figures. In addition to beigey Sculpey, I found a sample pack of “granite” colors? that I want to use for garments.
Also on tap for le weekend: baking muffins, possibly dusting the ceilings to get rid of those annoying hangy dustballs, a mother’s blessing for a newly-pregnant mama at Indochine and SURVIVOR FINALE! in which I’m rooting for anyone but Parvati. I’d really love to see the little Russell troll win, since he may in fact be the best player of all time in spite of his ego, but as we all know, the final few have a lot to do with who wins those last challenges. And Parvati’s got her stupid boxer arms. Should have got rid of her weeks ago, people, I’mjustsaying. Oh, and ANTM I’ll watch today and we’ll discuss.
Thursday, May 13, 2010
Tuesday, May 11, 2010
Oh, my dear. I grieve that you grieve. Not that it’s not a necessary step, whichever order you choose to do it in. You’ll find the next step when you are ready. It’s there.
I forgot to mention my highly awesome Mother’s Day, which began with sleeping in until 10AM and ended with a chiminea fire outside followed by Betty White SNL. In-between there were charming children, a sweet bracelet, a new spa showerhead, pad Thai and the movie Date Night, which is way more hilarious than I had imagined. Michael Scott can do anything. (So why won’t he stick around for The Office’s last year? I’m just saying, I think they should pull the plug after season 7 if that’s the case.)
Also, no one has yet cleaned my fish tank. I’m just saying… Fish Tank Fairies are apparently worthless.
There was something else but I can’t remember.
i think we've hit on the emotional truth of things, i mean besides the obvious serenity of vegetables delivered in boxes or the apparent separate garage sale tally? after a long season of what might be termed anger? or certainly righteous indignation and then a nebulous inbtw period of 7 or so years where there were stagnant waters and volcanos to conquer i've entered into a phase of grief. its entirely possible i'm doing this out of order. as LL suggested, that mechanical ability of mine, lacking, thinking i could tie knots after stringing beads, when in fact one must tie knots as they go or undo it all and start over. its a phase we think of addressing this particular thing. but i should like to know what the next thing might be. so i don't turn into a wooden lamenting statue, though they have always appealed to me. and though it is always me and no one else, still these others have a part to play, to what may come next. and maybe that's why lent was so particularly fruitful and active... but anyway,
its warm here and breezy. a cool in the shade kind of day. i'm on thorne watch and balancing her on my knee as i type. she is making groovy sounds with a pen in time to the sonorous sounds of rachmoninovs liturgy. the bit of cheese on her face is distracting but over all we're making due. i've had some earl grey and we played outside, of which thorne was rather bored with, but as i explained to her, i didn't bring my hiking shoes and i'd already yoga'd. she still banged at the fence, poor tenement child, begging to play in the expanse of whereever she isn't. aren't we all?
so i'm days from 34 with whatever that means. typing it feels old, thinking it feels young. tomorrow kerry is taking me a luxuriating spa experience. if muriel were here i'd ask her about the grief. it does nothing for productivity. but as it is scrubs and mudbaths?await me. and perhaps some weariness will be undone. and i can come back and take initiative with pluck and aplumb and conquer the world. i'm lucky to be in the position to do so. as i'm not permanently laboring in the fields or a spinster with a drunkard for a father living in a shack by a dreary languid river taking care of mydeadmothers 5 other starving children. you know, what have you. spinster though i may be. if only as i get older i can play up the eccentric artist role. i'll have to think of what my outfits might look like. let alone the adventures to have. i wonder if there is something else out there for me? or is it like scully said in xfiles7. always destined to make these choices? which is why she ended up giving up a brilliant career as a doctor to follow around mulder on his endless search until she no longer couldnt.... well anyway nature calls. pausing as i am on the edge of depthful pondering. i will say no more.
Gray skies, strangely cool temps, drizzly rain. And I’ve already finished a post for le anti-slavery blog, and that never happens so early in the day during the work week. I suppose that’s to make up for the post I wrote last week that took 3 full days. Re: the volatile weather, I’m going to call “hurricane” this season. Maybe we’ll get a new roof out of it, because it’s totally going to be torn to bits – although Baby Jesus, if you’re listening, make sure insurance covers that one completely, if it comes about. Please and thank you.
But I digress. Tomorrow is Wednesday, which is the day of the produce box. The magical produce box. Really, it’s everything I’ve ever dreamed of: veggies and fruits from farms around the state, delivered to your door. And for a reasonable price! Last week was sweet potatoes and new potatoes and spinach and strawberries and cabbage. This week, I picked the box whose contents will be a surprise.
The yard sale was a moderate success, with a lot of traffic (and we didn’t even put an ad in the paper this time? hmm) and a lot of things sold, except they were sold for a really low price so I maybe made $50. J.Lo made more with his giant folder of CDs. The mind boggles at what people buy and don’t buy and how you can never predict. Like last time the movies went like hotcakes, and this time they were even cheaper, but most remained. And the books! All were in awesome condition and cheap as could be, but I had few takers. Oddness.
Speaking of cleaning house, and it was lovely to clear out the piles, I’ve also cleaned up my FB friend list with the rule of: friendly? not friendly? If you’re not friendly, you’re gone. Mainly this assessment applied to high school classmates. Because seriously, why waste the time.
And I also departed the moms’ group I joined in January, as schedule-wise and expectation-wise, it wasn’t what it cracked up to be.
So I kind of feel lighter this week.
I like our book. I loathe my fish tank when it drizzles. I anticipate buttery cabbage deliciousness with dinner. And maybe an iced coffee this afternoon.
Saturday, May 8, 2010
It wasn’t necessarily a shock, but seriously I was in this weird frame of mind the whole show because ew magazine accidentally spilled the beans on the top 2? So I sat there the whole episode thinking that they were going to axe 3 girls, and knowing who they were was just bizarre. I kept waiting for the hammer. A bomb dropped at the photo shoot, or on the TV screen at the loft, or okay – maybe a tornado’s going to rip through panel and take out the other two girls? What is happening?! But no, just one, and then next week is a two-parter w/ 2 elims in the first hour. FAIL, ew magazine!
So anyway, I did love Alexandra’s photo this week (should have been the best, no?), but her personality became all suck-o, just like the rest of ‘em. Love how Jade-alea is all anti-Krista since Krista’s winning. And Krista’s okay other than her personality and the fact that she’s Teyona and as Ash pointed out, Teyona’s already won. (And I never enjoyed Teyona.) The only person left to root for is Raina-Richards. I’d rather a girl who says MY-lanta (sigh, stop) than a girl who is just horrible. Because it’s not actually Survivor. Different rules, girls, different rules. You don’t actually have anything to lose by being nice.
Absolutely saw that Nigel leer. Wow, man. Cut that out.
No one has really endeared me. Next Cycle, please.
I’m off to eat rotisserie chicken, along with early peas and new potatoes from the produce box. I loves the produce box. It’s so magical and deserves its own post.
And I pulled myself out of almost maudlinville on wednesday and have enjoyed a more kiltered thursday and friday. But sometimes you feel so much on the brink of something that you sense that if you don't find a footing down one road you'll end up stalled by the side of the road. at 34.
But more on that later,
Tuesday, May 4, 2010
And i know people love nigel, i used to love nigel. But he's kind of an ass right? And just catching that money train like the entire rest of the panel. But I just stare at him and i just get a little creeped out for some reason at his uptightness and the nude shoots and whatever else. Lets not even talk about Tyr@s outfits. Sometimes I wish they would par the crazy back down. But its a "thing" of its own now and can't be stopped. But I agree with Ash that the sparkle or whatever is so gone. That Bcs I love the shoots themselves I sort of hangon past the crazy and the drama and go- ooo pretty picture, or uh, they're having them do what!?
I'm so glad you said that thing about msjay. I mean REALLY. shut it. talk about theee most annnnoying VO after the maybe 2nd time I heard it. And i watched the 2eps back to back. My hand began to fly to the mute button faster than those 10sec makeup challenges.
And it was a beautiful rainbow. You could see the cameraman going, yes God, yes! Thank you! And that one shot of Alasia backlit in profile against the orange glow of the setting sun? Pretty magical in itself. So despite all the facade, beauty finds a way in? Nah, nevermind. I'm out of popsicles!
We should dish about the show before the next episode. Not that I’ll be able to watch it before Saturday or Sunday, which is when the CW finally gets around to posting it. Sigh. Whatever, I’mnotbitter.
Krista did deserve to win, although I feel like someone ought to point out that at first glance, it looks like she’s standing on her sheep. I’m just saying. I like Krista, and would be all right with it if she won. Krista reminds me of someone, but I’m not sure who. So does Angelea…
Whom I do not love. Besides that I don’t find her very appealing as a model, she’s typically classless every time she opens her mouth. The less she says, the better, and it seems like either she’s not opening her mouth as much lately, or else the editors are toning down her image in preparation for her ultimate win. I kind of think she’s going to win. WhatEVer. Props on 6 out of 6 go-see bookings – has any model ever gotten to all the go-sees, much less booked them? It’s pretty impressive, I’ll give her that.
I like Raina better, she might be my favorite. In spite of her ca-razy eyebrows, or maybe because of them. Also, she totally looks like Denise Richards in certain angles. And while she isn’t always exempt from un-heinous behavior, she’s pretty sweet.
Alexandra is also sweet, or else simply un-heinous, or dare I say boring. But I think she should go home soon. I’m glad she got her groove back, or whatever, but all her pictures look the same. And I don’t love her modely expression, which always involves an upturned face with slightly-open mouth. The camera angle is always straight up her nose… I just don’t get it, why she’s still in the competition. And while I found it amusing that all the go-see agencies found her choose of bootwear distasteful (Uggs? ugh! but are Uggs really out of style? why do people hate them so?), I do agree that she looked rough, rougher than the other girls anyway, even Angelea, who was dealing with some unfortunate frizz issues.
That leaves Jessica, who I sometimes love and sometimes don’t love. She is in fact very commercial and frankly, most times I don’t find her that remarkable. She’s rocked a few challenges and photo shoots. She’s young, which excuses her for most of the idiotic things she does, although I’m still not sure I can give her a pass on her mortifying display of ho-i-tude with Nigel a few episodes back. Girls! Be cool with Nigel. Be cool. We’re all still embarrassed about Caridee.
Alasia being cut? I feel like it was time. She’s cute and all, and I’m sure she’ll be successful someday, when she grows up. And by that I mean: grows out of her mouthiness. But overall she was out of her league. I totally get that decision.
And then, New Zealand… I want that rainbow over water. I want to see something like that in person, someday. Sheesh. I would also love to frolic in the pastures or whatever. It’s pretty there.
Also, CW, how many times do you have to show the New Zealand commercial voice-overed by Miss J? Yes, flights for less than $800. It’s MAJOR! Wee! I get it. Now partner yourself with hulu so we can have that shit posted faster and presented with limited commercial interruption. I’m just saying.
Monday, May 3, 2010
Time for another garden update! (Cue trumpets.)
Firstly, the lantana has gotten all poofy and vivid and whatnot. These suckers have the hardiness of rampant weeds, but does that take away their beauty? No, it does not. The pink and yellow are called ham-and-eggs.
Next, Yard Man (pictured here) was kind enough to weed and mulch the garden, among other chores, while I took the children to a birthday party Saturday morning. Now the garden looks all spiffy. And look at those roses! Which are now blooming just in time for Mother’s Day. I note this because I received the plant a year ago for Mother’s Day. I’m sure that’s in the blog archive somewhere, but I’m too lazy to look.
Speaking of pretty-to-my-eye weeds, we have a pot of Oxalis Dillenii. YelIow wood sorrell. I don’t know how it got there, but I don’t feel compelled to pull it up, especially since it’s contained.
And the strawberries! The two we (you and I) planted are doing well and have a lot of new growth. The plant from last year, in a pot near the garden, ran wild and crazy and is now a chain of several plants in the ground, flanking the garden beds. There’s at least 30 strawberries in the works there, and this morning we picked the first 4. They weren’t quite ready, but the children were excited. Except for the dirt on the strawberries, they didn’t like that. And the berries really could have used an extra day or two, flavor-wise, because as K.Lo sadly noted, “These don’t taste like the ones from Costco.” Sigh.
Oh, also not turn the subject away from me, but I'm pretty excited about all the growing things at your house. I bought peanuts but nomenclature is no where to be seen. I suppose it makes it more special in a fleeting, ships crossing in the night sort of way, but still. Also I have a nagging question about lunch and exercise. And after having watched 4 hours of netflix or so (and antm) last night I did manage to finish restringing the beads, to what end I know not, but it's done. I laid in bed for at least an hour pondering that I should've just meditated despite the lateness of the hour, but didn't. Anyway, let me know if you think of the name, because really, I want to know, I can at least add that to an explanation of me, or a whimsical anecdote, whichever.
Wish I was next door,