Sunday, April 29, 2012

um, ok... sorry man.

i feel like there are deep spiritual metaphors in my dish soap purchases. do i need to expound or is the correlation obvious? i didn't even do it on purpose but it's my entire journey.
 oh also here- look at me go... curtains, making giraffes. i can't be stopped.
i love you man.
and if i weren't really distracted from a disturbing 30r/ck and being super tired and talked out from 2 weekends of deep chitter chatter and taking too many taxis back and forth on the island i'd say more. i'm at the point where i'm like what $10? worthIT along with my $4 lattes. i've gone mad with moneypower. and an hour reduced to 20minutes. once i decide to download some audible i'll go back to normal but right now i'm overwhelmed with the download potential and tanning. and starting listening groups and turning in assessments. ive promised i have to turn 2 of them by the morning and finish the rest tomorrow night for their tuesday due date. nevermind the other one i didn't create the template for. oh and i found out today how much weight i lost. 40lbs in 3 1/2 months. what the what?! who knows- next more postcards, cats getting spayed... maybe even a phone purchase! look out world! oh and yes, i got sunglasses. photoshoot forthcoming. allright i'm going to try and stay conscious for another hour at least- i dont even want to talk about staying up till 11 lastnight and then the skype date falling through- i was drooping down tired. tonight i make up for it.

adieu my love,
will write more anon- also questions... would... help... so i can talk more about "here" wherever it is.

Monday, April 16, 2012


So camping was grand. There were a few moments. One in which I muttered, “Please do not let this be the FUBAR trip.” Because we forgot the chairs – a virtual dealbreaker for J.Lo. My directions there were crap, inefficient and ultimately landing me on a gravel road in the middle of the woods with a lot of signs that said No Trespassing. Thanks, idiot map utility. We forgot butter. Ran dangerously low on propane. The camp fees were slightly higher than anticipated. One of the air mattress valves broke off in my hand. We were short two tent stakes (luckily could borrow). And totally had to MacGyver one of the tent poles, which J.Lo offhandedly mentioned the night before – oh yeah, one is broken. But it will be fine. Um. It was, sort of. Think wayward splint made of painters tape and two tent stakes.

But otherwise – hooray! We love camping. The first night was wicked cold, but not as cold as last time, so can we complain? Only a little. We didn’t sleep well, either night really, between air mattress issues and the unsettled children. But mainly everyone stayed upbeat. The hiking trails were off the hook with their inclines and twists and turns and random delights like wildflowers and pretend tracker jacker nests and beaver-eaten trees. Also, scrambled eggs and swiss cheese? Brilliant. Marshmallow fluff-flavored vodka, over ice? GENIUS. S’mores with Kit Kats? Yes please.


Those handwarmers were made by almost anonymous!


We did not find any legendary fairystones. Better luck next time? Would not even know where to start looking, really. Must ask ranger. One of the trails that everyone but L and I opted out on was killer, allegedly culminating in a waterfall. But really, this was the better part:


Because here was the waterfall -


- which was idyllic, sure, but may as well have been:


Also, our dogs are getting old. It’s true. The revelation sort of washes over us in bittersweet waves. Bender and her wincingly gimpy leg. Bailey steamrolled by a 4-mile hike. Sigh. But we love them so.




While the children played on the playground, J.Lo and I amused ourselves with flowers and a magnifying glass.


Other idyllic instances:


In other non-news, I’m up to my ears in camping and non-camping laundry today. The lawn needs mowing – if it weren’t for that patch of grass that actually looks like grass, we could totally ignore mowing for days more. Am completely satisfied with the scraggly weed-scaping that comprises most of the yard. The garden looks lovely – I should take a picture. Although the cucumber that we didn’t cover didn’t make it. Sad cucumber. Also the neighbor boy killed a snake in our yard with a shovel and J.Lo yelled at him. Which even a year ago I might have been sincerely perplexed by, but this sort’s sole function is to eat mice. And while terrifying in appearance (wicked long, jet black), they’re non-poisonous. So I kind of yelled at the neighbor boy too. Which wasn’t un-fun… Oh, teenagers. Amusing.

Yawn. Okay. On with the day.

love to you,


Sunday, April 15, 2012


Ive had a pretty full weekend. Made some curtains, tacked up the awesome goldones. They rock, i'm not going to lie... worth every penny. Now if i can make my comforter look less like crap i'm golden. Because they're a hot conflicting mess considering the radtastic decor of my apt. A foldaway couch chair concoction would bring this place to perfection. But otherwise I'm pretty happy. Duvet cover purchase seems extravagent since they dont have them here, but i wonder how long i'll be able to take the illmatching bedding? Maybe a mom project- sewing sheets together? I dont know. I did buy a made in korea frying pan bcs the other one was shit and i just couldn't tolerate stuck egg on the pan and in the sink anymore. It's enough the cats in heat right? Fuck. Also i realized today that if i only stay a year, and well even if i stayed two- the cat couldn't fly back with me when the contract is over- I think they have a time limit animals can be in cabins and then it has to go as cargo... and only when temperature permits, i'm pretty sure. (equals not in the dead of winter) We'll see. It's possible i can get someone to fly into LA to do a little handover. But I dont know. I'm curious now to see.

Otherwise the mongolian horseriding show stressed me out. It was all too much bus and quiet and movement with loud, dark and the animals and the contortionist kid types-- i really hate circuses. The whole thing. I dont know. I was that person. I hate being that person. And i was just thinking, crap, it's too much. Anyway went grocery shopping. Failed to get cat food. Sorry cat, tuna for you. Had McD's even though i can feel my stomach going- good god woman what are you doing to me. Then the going to the middle of nowhere for the random horsething. Then dinner and evening in. Followed by church, a random old dude at the folkart museum, who was awe-some. Then beach lovely complete with old guy who let us see his shell collection. And carved animals. I may have to go back. Good dinner, hang curtains and scene. Seriously so nice.

The cat is storing up energy i can tell to torment me in the middle of the night like she did around 430 last night. As well as these random loudspeaker torture devices that went off around 8am and carried on intermittently well past 9am... of a woman singing in korean of course... out of nowhere and obviously without explanation. Joy.

Besides i'm trying to live presently and not dread school.  One class has a candy ban because they were stealing my candy. Greed over took a couple of them and then just lying to me and disappointed in humanity phase, not to mention the little shits i teach privately at the end of the day, i mean kids who need God's love, saying teacher, book no, game yes. And the boy at the end, rather brilliantly saying, teacher, english---- ANGRY. As he grows horns with his fingers. It was a moment. I sympathized. The whole thing. And then i think, i have to try right? But then do i? Where's the line. I get it kid. I get IT. Sigh. ANyway i need to go bcs all of agathachristie missmarple just downloaded and i have to go watch an episode before bed.

Love you,
(ps look out for pics of me and an old dude who insisted i pose next to the male models . loved. and wondered why we werent with boys.)

Thursday, April 12, 2012

4 u

for you i stay up past my bedtime bc it is pre-camping day and by the time i get back Easter week and its recounting will be all but gone. and we can't have that. so some images, all out of order as per usual. it's spring break. we went to a museum with mom. i painted. i ate and drank things. the children played. i read. i missed you. i was hormonal. we're going to the park with the fairystones - it's very good luck to find them. love to you on your island! pls update anon. 


colin firth in the original fever pitch
#netflixstreaming #amazingdiscoveries
daisies, for K.Lo from Grandma
huge scary bug
with a HORN
sideways waterfall
the dovekeepers ~
add it to your list
distant bears
a homemade stuffed burger
w/ mushrooms and swiss
if i drink the word...
new/used plasma cars
purchased from a friend
k.lo's room: purple with
pink/brown polka dots, and butterflies;
pictures do not really do justice
box turtle
4-leaf clover found by Mom 

Thursday, April 5, 2012

hello love,

I know what you mean about narrative threads. I’d ask the universe to strive toward telepathic communication, but I’m quite sure it’s zooming toward that sort of microchip technology regardless, and lets-not-rush-things. Mainly I’m too lazy and ma-laisey to communicate with anyone, via email, social networking, spoken word… Like it was all I could do to tell J.Lo I bought a basic sweatshirt jacket at Target. Must. Force. Self. To. Share More. But then sometimes I get caught up in this internal debate between Speaking and Not Speaking. From the deep to the mundane. Should I, shouldn’t I? What are the merits? Silence is golden. But no man is an island. And so forth.

Mainly I am pollen-coated penelope. It’s a little better this week, with either the non-expired zyrtec kicking in, working its magic, or lower pollen counts. Or different pollen counts. Who knows. My sinuses/scratchy throat/wasted energy reserves all shrug their shoulders and sigh. J.Lo threw out his back on Sunday, so I’ve been rallying wherever possible, like purchasing mulch for the garden and planting more plants and mowing the lawn and other literal and metaphorical instances of heavy lifting. The garden! now contains: 3 lettuce types, broccoli, cauliflower, cabbage, spinach, onions that I keep stepping on, green beans, cucumbers, peas, zucchini, squash, alleged peas and sweet peas (still burrowed beneath the earth? on the brink of emergence?), one tomato plant for now (grape roma), jalapeno peppers, and a yellow pepper. And other than a few war-torn leaves on the broccoli/caul, they all seem happy... Although I’m a little skeptical of the soil, like will it be good enough. So I’m supplementing with foods and fertilizers of sorts along the way.

Yesterday it poured rained in the sunshine, but I spied no rainbows.

I finished the book on the terrible kidnapping/stolen life. I kind of wish she had written it and stuck in a drawer for 10 or 15 years, maybe dropped in a few post-it notes along the way and then revisited it all. Because it was just – so very raw. Coupled with a 5th grade education. But yet had the potential to be earth-shattering? It still does. Maybe she’ll write a sequel after some time in the world.

Oh, and the mouse thing. My essential problem with your delightful fairytale mouse living in my car is that in my mind, he looks like this:

Although I grant that he could just as easily look like this:

Man that mouse is cute. So will you be seeing Hunger Games in English with subtitles, or? In the theater or on a computer. Either way I’m glad you’ll be seeing it and celebrating a girl and may the odds be ever in your favor when it comes to viewing it in the absence of snarky, guffawing teenaged boys who completely throw you out of the moment when Rue dies. Because that happened. Granted it was during my second viewing, so their lives were spared. But they were within inches. #truth

Sidenote: saw the phrase “beard technician” in reference to whomever styled Seneca Crane. I can’t even count all the ways I love that job title.

Oh, slogging through the fields of teaching. There will always be the complacent and the rude. Although I could never follow my own advice on this matter, I’d say it’s best not to ponder the origins of their undesirable behavior… Play the game (without being a piece of course) so you can shed it like an outfit at the end of the day and move on to your real life on on the island. Dispensing sage words to new friends and soaking up the winds and sunshine.

love to you,



How are you? I miss you. I feel there's all sorts of dangling narratives we're missing of each other. I mean i know it's impossible to get them all and yet...

I survived today but it wiped me out. I tend to go to school with the attitude of laboring in the fields, and both j and k were like, yes, today- so tired.. such a labor. It does confirm for me that this sort of work is probably not a long term plan at least at this point, but lets see what God does in the next 8 or so, and sg is on me about my grading and it's um not being strict which i know is just the next phase of learning like how to use rewards, and since ive only been doing this for what? maybe 2 months? i suppose it's understandable. But still emotionally exhausting- the classes the kids the meltdowns the arguments the not understanding. There's a couple kids too who are just not nice. It's not even that they're being kids but there's something about them. Not quite you know kids without souls but still. Or is it just that they don't like me? Hum. Also my chi class is gone- so the kid who draws and smells his shoes is gone. Kind of sad. Kind of a relief?  Now, I have to teach catch up classes one/one to kids this round who are fidgets with an air of I don't care. Which is a bummer. Ah the in/outs of hagwans- students just come and go here way too much. And also having to block out sg's comment that since i took this one class over they're going "down"... sigh.

Unrelated news, finished the box of lucky charms even though for the rest i'm waiting for easter to open. And am mostly out of groceries- good thing we order chinese food on fridays. Anyway, the cherry blossoms are blooming- big epic trees along walkways, so lovely. And i guess we're getting the hungergames? so i'll see that for this girls birthday saturday and the day is forecasting sun and shine so i'm hoping for some concetrated out in the elements time. And thus ends week 11 on the island if you can believe it.

Tell me of your world.