Tuesday, July 31, 2007

Condition: Temperate A/C'd Office

Life is sort of dreary without Penelope. I'm almost done reading lady chatterly- which i had no idea was sort of what it must be like to watch HBO and skinemax. Pretty racy i must admit. But other than that life seems to be a bit dull (i mean, i'm not even near to getting what lady chatterly is getting) what with the working and the more working and then the thinking about suddenly not working. I feel that there's a big empty space where thoughts used to be and desires and passions. There's a faint apprehension about money and spending $171 on a new dress for a wedding. Despite the budget i just made myself. But my options were low i'm telling you! And who has evening weddings on a friday at 8pm? Silly people. That's who. So who am i to argue with a teal chiffon dress from nordstroms?

My friend and i have made $78.81 after expenses selling 12 vhs tapes. Pretty extrodinary but again not that interesting. Unless it inspires you to sell your stuff on Amazon. Which it totally should- because who knew. Or better yet your parents stuff. Because why not. Maybe spend the money on newyorksuperfudgechunk or chocolate bundt cake, maybe mcmuffin breakfasts or another 32oz diet coke, or a $6 car wash. Possibly a tank of gas... it's down to $2.95. Go see sunshine for the effects and hot guy chris evans but not much else bcs the script sucks.

And then after all that who knows. It's all a blur.

Monday, July 30, 2007

wedding quandry

it's in jacksonhole, wyoming.
i really want to go.
i haven't seen my friend in 7 years.
it'd be a nice weekend.
i'd get to wear my teal dress again.

it's in jacksonhole, wyoming.
it's going to cost $467 +hotel and car...
i have no one to go with.

Thursday, July 26, 2007

Current: 81 degrees

Things done outside:

Watched 'Catch+Release', played with dogs, got them wet, dryed them off, ate popcorn, ate chocolate icecream, picked flowers, sat, watched the sky, talked about the temperature, the movie, work, cross-country, manicures, bounced checks, trial by declaration forms, money made so far, read aloud, watched the cats, the dogs, for crawling things, for hummingbirds, and the sound of crickets, drag-racing, the setting sun, featured characters, the rotting beams, the chipped paint, the ferns flopping lush and that was all there was to say, as mom read, as we sat, noted the broken chair, checked off things to do for saturday, and went inside.

Wednesday, July 25, 2007

This is Trip

our EP brings this little whipper snapper into the office once or twice a week. we've taught him to sit, laydown and he's learning roll over. i think dog friendly offices rock. sure there are hassles but i think fundamentally it's habitat enrichment. we have something to distract us happily- pet, talk to, converse about, harass and love.
this presence seemingly insignifanct makes me smile. because work while i'm glad to have it and i don't want it to go can be a bit of a grind. even if i have time to blog and watch netflix now or whatever else... having pets is just one of the very coolest things ever.

Tuesday, July 24, 2007

this moment in time brought to you by mendacious.

It's 75 degrees but it feels warmer. Slightly humid for LA. I look at my email to see if anyone has bought any more VHS tapes. They haven't. I'm thirsty. Every morning i wake up really thirsty. I used to think this was hunger, that empty nawingish feeling. But no. I flex my left foot to stretch out the soreness. I hunch my shoulders and stretch my neck. Crack my fingers. Work is rapidly approaching.

I dress. I think about reading HP7 with 2oo pages to go. I listen to sirius? something radio on dish- 6021. Smashing pumpkins sings 'i don't want to be alone...' A dream i had is swimming around out of reach but i can't shake that anxious feeling about debt being an incurable disease or plans for summer or how i feel i have nothing to say. Pen's on vacation. But i've gotta go. There was something else, but... there's no time.

Sunday, July 22, 2007


It does take friends. (this does NOT contain spoilers)

They come in handy for all sorts of things. Picking up slack exactly where you find yourself utterly lacking. For instance my dad decided to unload all his videos that he's ignored ever since DVD's hit the land of the layman. Our favorite resell place has stopped carrying VHS and dad was ready to get rid of them. I looked at the some 300 videos but couldn't bring myself to give them away- most anything i'm pretty callous about good-willing. Because who cares. Why bother trying to sell it? I just think, ugh?! get rid of it. Free yourself!

But since friend Amber's come back into town I told her what the project was and she said, okay no problem- we'll search amazon and see if they come up, cross promote thru craigslist and ... i can do that while you read harrypotter. And then i thought as we got going, what else can we sell! Why is it when she's around i find things like these totally plausible. I'm on board and i'm ready to go- but without i'm totally not having it. Eyes roll, give up, go home.

I confess I am a reluctant HP fan. Mainly bcs my mom enjoys the fact I read it aloud in a british accent and amber i make snarky comments about the character choices, sometimes the writing, and we're not unwilling to give JK props for good turns. I don't bash to bash i promise. It's like i'm a walking talking audio book with commentary tracks. We're on page 387. Plus with all you HP maniacs i couldn't very well NOT read it. Am i right?! So i read aloud for 7 hours with breaks and occasional verbal summations as amber ended up putting up 96 items for sale. And sorting another 200 at least for further review.

By the end of the night I was enjoying HP7 and we'd already had 2 people purchase our items. Insane! But somebody out there was searching for citizen cane and the magnificent ambersons so... sure we've only made like $8- but it's a start. And to see synchronicity really work btw friends is priceless. And if you've read what i just read, you'd totally agree.

Friday, July 20, 2007


Nursery: done!

Added: two chocolate brown stripe borders, and the blue bottom half.

Pictured: cross-section of polka-dotted wall by Bug-Bed (where she, knock on wood, now sleeps!); K.Lo selects a video.

8 Things You Didn't Know About Pen

Man, these are hard, after so many tags and just posts in general. But, I do enjoy them so. Thanks, grainofsand, for the tag!

1. Some people never really change. Me, I feel like I've changed, or at the very least evolved quite a bit, from who I used to be. I used to be way more uptight, impatient, and very much more reticent than I am now. In college, I stayed home on weekend nights to study and felt like I would fail out of school--or, omg, get a B--if I didn't. I was also quite volatile, at least on the inside, for a period of several years. Time and life fly by so fast, but I look back at who I was or considered myself to be just 5 years ago, and the difference astonishes me, much less 5 years before that. Who was that girl? I feel much more even-keel now. But then, who you are at each point in your life contributes to who you are now, so even if you're embarassed, it's probably not wise to completely disown that former self (poor, pitiful, clueless little bunny that s/he was).

2. I've only been to two other countries: England and France. I don't speak French, but spent 4 days in Paris and loved it to the point of feeling on fire. I was also drunk nearly the whole time.

3. In my life I want to visit: England again, France again, Greece, Italy, Spain, Germany, Holland, Scotland, Ireland, maybe Russia, China if it's not going to be too scary, Japan, Argentina, Mexico, and Canada. At least. I love Epcot Center, but traveling around the world there just doesn't cut it. I'd like at least one of those trips to be a cruise, although possible seasickness/claustrophobia leaves me filled with trepidation. I want to see the cheesy tourist attractions in each place, but also stray off the beaten path. I need to go back and visit Chicago, and also see the Southwest. I would one day like to travel across the US in an RV with my husband, babies, and the dogs.

4. And I also have to visit mendacious in cali again because good grief, we haven't actually seen each other in nearly 3 years.

5. Straightening up the house, particularly putting away the toys and washing the dishes, makes me feel calmer, like I am systematically restoring order. I feel like this might be a little OCD, but not in an unhealthy way, because as previously discussed somewhere on this blog, I think we all need to feel in control, a little bit. It's just that some people try too hard, or channel that energy into the wrong things.

6. I've learned after so many years that because I lack a certain level of charisma, fundamentally, I am not or will not be particularly favored by any person or creature, like I won't ever be sought out and loved in that rockstar way. I don't mean that negatively, it just is what it is. So whenever K.Lo does seek me out specifically, I am genuinely surprised. Though I appreciate the moment, I try to hold back from feeling that flattered, because like everything else with kids, it will change. Someday she'll hate me, and the next she'll change her mind again, that's a certainty.

7. I like surprises, but in my mind I can't help guessing. And sometimes I just Need to Know before I can move on, so I can prepare myself, or maybe just motivate myself to continue, i.e. in the case of reading books. I also love giving gifts, part of which is the fun of surprising someone else--but I don't like when they guess about the present out loud. Because I'm such a bad liar, I know my face would give away any right answer, and then what's the fun in that. I feel foiled.

8. I love the show House Hunters on HGTV and can't stop watching it. My DVRroll would be currently empty if it weren't for these reruns. It's been on for a few years, and in the beginning, it was uber-cheesy, because the people looking at properties clearly had seen the places before and couldn't act their way out of a paper bag to pretend otherwise. And they always made the most mundane observations, like, "Wow, this is a nice, big room," endlessly. At the end of the show they staged a call between the realtor and the client to say whether their offer was accepted on the house, which (duh) it always was. So fantastic. Now the show is more polished, but just as fun. The best part is guessing which property they'll choose, for which I have an almost freakish talent. Although watching the show this frequently has adversely affected my record, it does make me feel better about my lack of luck in guessing boy or girl with new babies.

Thursday, July 19, 2007


K.Lo: playing with empty beer bottle. Vaguely alarming.

House: torn temporarily to pieces this morning by 8 toddlers. Repaired.

Leftovers: so many good ones, feel there is not enough time or belly room to consume.

Mind: preoccupied with annoyingly, disturbingly realistic Harry Potter spoilers that I felt important at the moment to peruse.

Even though I knew it was wrong: did it anyway.

Trip: next week, Tuesday, to PA and NYC.

Will return: following Tuesday.

Packed? not at all.

Emails, blogging, commenting: desperately behind.

Hope you still love me? yes.

World Series of Pop Culture: makes me laugh. Feel like I could be a contender, until they get to music questions.

N.Lo: Growing, kicking, prenatal camping (as coined by Kim).

Outside: Too hot for trip to mailbox.

Amazon: better deliver. SATURDAY.

Wednesday, July 18, 2007

There are so many things

Lay them at your feet. All the wares, small worries. Hum-drum piled upon. Odd objects; Sort and Thrown. Hit your toes, Upon the steps. Clatter down. Rest, slowly spin. Teetering and edge worn. But you don’t mind them. You ask, am I happy. Lonely sighs, Finds some occupations. Reflections, ripples, The molecules of her hands. Vibrations. The rotation of time. You. Causes contentment. Momentary still and quiet. Beyond brow furrowed. Shoulder tensed sensations. Beyond mouth curled glee. Breaking moments to collect more apprehensions. For rain, for cracked earth to mend. Concerns. Notebooks. Compendiums of. Floods. One after another. An infinite number progress. Upon my fingers, hairs upon my head. Slumped, sleeping. Waiting. Patiently watching. Till tomorrow.

Tuesday, July 17, 2007

i'll just be... here.

rusted: hips, back (sciatica)
pulled: groin muscle, from lifting Bug into tub
on fire: belly, up through to throat

But I love you, Baby N.Lo, I really really do.

Monday, July 16, 2007

did you know?

weird 8 by m. (as we were tagged by grainofsand, and we love talking about ourselves, here you go)

1. injuries: i broke my leg in 1st grade snow skiing down a difficult run. my binders didn't come off. i badly sprained my ankle in 9th grade bcs coming down on a block playing volleyball a girls foot was under the net. i went down for a spike in 11th grade, i bricked like an idiot and tore some muscle fibers in my bicep when i stopped my fall with my hand in practice. when i passed out after playing volleyball in college my front tooth snapped in half bcs one of the hardest things to hit the ground was my chin- i had a bruise run up my face.

2. i've been stung by wasps and bees but i'm not afraid of them. i used to paint with some wasps building a nest over my head- it was a guarded truce but for some reason i didn't want to knock the nest down. we also inadvertantly made a carpenter bee home out of some cut logs but once we found out they like to burrow into wood to have their babies we totally kept it- so every season we have heaps of sawdust on the ground where they make their home and build new tunnels.

3. bing cherries are my favorite fruit currently, followed by stawberries, plums, oranges, tangerines and pineapples then mangos, peaches, nectarines, kiwis, blackberries, blueberries, raspberries, bananas, apples...

4. my must visit list includes: central america, new alreans, southeast asia, japan, china, europe

5. i am oddly a very goal oriented person. underneath this casual exterior lies a planner and a doer. it may take me a while but when somebody suggests we do something i take it as done and done. usually i don't speak idly- "wouldn't it be great if we..." unless i really think we should try to make it happen you won't catch me 'dreaming' and then of course if it makes it on a list- that's a whole nother level of devotion.

6. burts beeswax is my preferred chapstick

7. when my nails get dirty i like cleaning them with a straw- gentle and totally effective.

8. i can't keep my hands off my face. orally fixated as i do frequently pick at my teeth? yes. cause for many a breakout? yes. scratch, pick, wander, rest, slouch, face slumped, rubbing temples... why do pores have to get blocked in the first place? that's my question.

Sunday, July 15, 2007

Things Enjoyed

  • friends parents meets my parents. worlds converge successfully!
  • smelly mulch spread: 1 ton
  • bing cherries: right here right now.
  • new car meets new insurance
  • new ideas: dance class? trip to san diego? novel?
  • nights below 84
  • flowers
  • finches filching seeds
  • netflix "watch now" feature
  • sleep

Friday, July 13, 2007

Current Conditions

I'm in editbay 8 on the 9th floor of the Unical building in downtown los angeles. The climate is temperate. Hum of air-conditioner present. Barefoot and eyeing an unknown entitity's glass of water. Consider drinking it regardless. Time I have left trapped in here: at least 2 hours. What i'm doing: copying files. I am truth be told, a glorified file clerk, though just yesterday andraSay UllockBay and I and her two dogs and her very large sunglasses shared the elevator. It was for all round a transcendent moment up 3 flights.

I transfer information from server to drive to editor... the frustrating part, to ponder, as i sit here in dimly lit quarters is that - i can put it this way- someone is banging on the door. they are very busy banging on the door. i come up behind them and say, "oh here, this is the key you asked for." they say, "leave it there," and they continue to bang on the door. this is the most frustrating part of the job- no amount of verbal or written confirmation satisfies them: are the files on the drive? did you put them on the drive? where are the files? do we have them? are they there? when are they going to get there?

the words: they are there. do not satisfy them. and that is when i want to start weilding maybe a tazer gun or possibly find some way to give them shock collars. it is all in all a pointless exercise, maybe one i shouldn't take so personally but then again- that boy that cried wolf got eaten in the end didn't he? so maybe i'm the fed up townspeople? i can't be sure.

all i know is that it's friday. thank god. and i better find some way to find me outside of this dark room in the span of 2 days... or i'll just be here again, in a matter of no time, asking the same thing. why does it matter? what am i doing? paying for 'the edge'... for school... for ? something outside of right this minute.

Thursday, July 12, 2007

what do you do?

Right now, I'm reading, or trying to read, The Post-Birthday World. I've been wanting to read this book for awhile, and finally took it out from the library. The general plot reminds me a lot of the movie Sliding Doors, where the main character's future is thoroughly imagined two ways, as the result of two different decisions, i.e. how life would be with two different men. To cheat or not to cheat. Intriguing, right? Even better is that the writer of this book delves pretty deep into each outcome, touching on a lot of the philosophical aspects of relationships, infidelity, etc. I like the characters, I like the location (London), I think about the book when I'm away from it. All of these are good signs, but... ugh, the reading is so tedious. Clearly, I'm not playing with a full deck these days, being preggo and all, but I've always had this problem with books where I have to read sentences three times to fully digest what is being said: I hate reading them. I had an editing professor in college who insisted that if you have to read the sentence more than once, the sentence is not well-written. So, too bad for you, Faulkner, Shakespeare, Foster Wallace...? I agree and disagree with the statement. In the case of TPBW, I don't know what's blocking the suspension of disbelief, that narrative dream you fall into when reading a good story. It is a good story, and not badly written--maybe it's too well-written? Maybe I'm hung up because I know in order to fully absorb the gravity of what's being said, I would have to stop and think, and I don't want to stop and think right now. I just want to read, to know what happens next, to go go go.

Anyway, my usual policy is, if it's taking too long, there's a reason, so stop. Life's ticking by, no one's making you read it, so move on, find something else. I don't need to know the end. But usually, the second I make that decision to chuck the book, I feel better. I've already put down TPBW a number of times now, thought about what else I could cram in before the release of Deathly Hallows, and only feel better, i.e. de-antsified, when I pick TPBW back up again. It's odd. I've got a little over 8 days and 400 or so pages to go... I don't know, man, I don't know. What's your book m.o.?

When I don't like the book I'm reading, I...
chuck it, move on.
push on through till the bitter end.
peek at the end, see whether it's bitter, then decide.
I don't like books, this question doesn't apply to me.
Free polls from Pollhost.com

Wednesday, July 11, 2007

Arkansas River: Royal Gorge Tour

Have you been there? Done that? I think you should. Because it's gorgeous if nothing else. The rapids were not a thrill every minute but on the other hand I'm not in shape for that. 2 hours on the river was enough manual labor for one day. Enough to make my side ache and the cramp to work out of my leg, which by the way happened after a day of walking in chicago. Before me like a mirror of what is to come i hobbled out of the car like an old injured woman in need of a cane, everytime we got out of the car... A class V, a couple 4's, a few 3's and mellow mellow mellow was all i needed to make it totally and completely worth it. Gorgeous rocks vaulted into the sky, sprayed in lichen and red walls. A fawn. 2 herons, and melodic rushing water.

Before I figured out how to ride side saddle every difficult rapid i found myself hurtling into the center of the boat. Drenched. With a big chip in my paddle from the rock my side of the boat hit. After that i was leaning back and engaging my abs and saying obnoxious things like, can i work the left side? my right obliques are tired... Amber and i quickly diagnosed the weak links in the boat but since we were guided we didn't have to hurl anyone overboard or yell at Charlie in the front to be a better pace'man. It was fun hearing about a newlywed named Tiffany complain about Lousiana and her husbands plot to move her out west. Her fear of getting clobbered by the rapids. And two guy BF's bonding on their adventurous adventure.

Half way thru they moored us at a narrow point of the river, fairly deep and calm. They said, just swim across the current to the eddy and then from there, climb up and you can jump off the rock. If you miss the eddy just keep swimming to the right, make your way to the shore and climb back upstream. If you miss that, keep going and we'll pick you up downstream. But not too far. I mean what if we hit rapid by then? Don't try and stand up. That's how you get pinned under a rock and drown. And you probably can't breathe underwater for the 30minutes it'll take to get you unstuck. Got it? Got it.

I watch a few people make the swim across. I think, ohfuckit, I'll do it. Then I hit the water. Louisiana girl follows. Paddle with arms. Feel current. The current is strong. Adrenaline kicks in. Read, swift. I will notfuckingbewasheddownstreamAHHHHHHH. Swim Mendacious Swim! Kick those legs. (Thank god i took up swimming). I make it. I see out of my periphery louisiana girl getting swept down stream, panic and confusion in her eyes, like how can i not be making it right now. I arrive at the ledge in shaky breaths. Two guys try to help me and I feel bad. It doesn't work. I eventually shimmy up on the side and lay there for a minute. Get up still heaving breaths, and thinking oh fuck. Fucking altitude. Fucking river. But I made it. I think, this is enough exersion for one day. I will not jump off the rock. I lean. I pant. I catch my sorry ass breath. I see Louisiana girl bedraggled appearing up the ridge. She says, some guy wouldn't let me on his boat. He said, I was on my own! We laugh. She's not jumping off the rock either. I glance across the river to our boat. The wheels turn. Hmm.

Wait, how am i getting back there? OH, that's right. Huh, I guess I am going to have to jump off a rock. We go 10ft upstream to the end of a class 2/3 rapid and I jump in first. My logic here was a. i don't want to go in feet first. Read, sink like a rock. The stream will already be carrying me the minute i hit the water, making it harder for me to return to the boat. b. dive? hmm. dive? no. c. sort of jump flail combo. yes. yes. That sounds perfect. So for comedic amusement (ahem, apparently) I bear tackle the arkansas river. Essentially one might call it a belly flop but i was up and swimming and not in pain pretty quickly. The guide watches me make my way and i hold onto the boat, making my way around. I say, I'm going to go ahead and beach myself right here. He laughs. I smile and look up into the big blue colorado sky.

Then after, we became part of the amusement ride. Royal Gorge trains with cartfull camera toting tourists. We are in somebody's camera, somebody's trip memory. We pose. We say, you should be down here! We are waved at from there and from lookoutpoints. We crane our necks up to the suspension bridge. We watch a tour chopper go vertical on a cliff wall. Then we hear silence and rushing water then still, then trees dipping into the glossy liqued, then ducks and quiet and occassional forward 2, forward 1... then like the cool kids we are the last on the bus- in squishy water shoes and dripping hair- figuring how far we have yet to go till home, and by god, where are we stopping for food?! I tip the tourguide, look at pictures of us going down the rapid like a true amusement park experience and grin and walk on out into the hot afternoon, the sun still warm on my face and the motion of the rapids just to the right of the road.

Tuesday, July 10, 2007

little roller coaster

Typical day in the life of Pen & Bug:

Morning: wake up early with sweet little body of K.Lo stretched perpendicular to my face. Feet are bad because of kicking, head is bad because of weight, i.e. when she shifts positions she is prone to flopping head down last, a hard smash to the cheek, nose, forehead. None of it feels good. Besides the fact that she should be in her crib but didn't make it past 1:30 am due to teething, night terrors, loneliness, or whatever Great Night Mystery plagues the Bug.

Bug wakes, sits up, smiles, says, "HI!" Leans over, gives hug and a big "MUH!" (kiss). Entirely charming.

K.Lo patters to bathroom, where J.Lo gets ready for work. Uses toothbrush to brush hair, tap the shower door, the toilet lid, anything but its proper purpose. Is chided especially for the shower door/toilet lid contact (YUCK), doesn't really listen. Or listens, but chooses to ignore. Toothbrush confiscated.

Mimes daddy while he shaves, flosses, fixes hair. Downright adorable.

Walks J.Lo to door when he leaves, waves and says, "BYE!"

Eats breakfast, i.e. cereal, waffle, or egg, at coffee table while Pen catches up with Today Show. Presents various gifts of doll-baby, all 26 letter books, and ELMO.

Time for Sesame Street. Pen absconds to shower, check email, etc. Prays that walls won't end up crayoned, or child won't knock self unconscious in brief period of partial (ears only) supervision. Bug visits periodically, to check in and say, "HI," maybe bring one or both of her little plastic chairs into the bathroom, because moving furniture in the morning is the thing to do. If events unfold badly, she will also unfurl entire roll of toilet paper while mommy is powerless to stop process. If they unfold well, K.Lo will appear after shower, "wearing" all of Pen's clothes on her head, around her neck, giggling at her own cleverness.

Pen does a chore or two or three (Queen of the Multi-Task, it's in her blood). K.Lo may entertain herself with coloring, or building Legos, or dancing to music on the iHome. Or she may decide it's time to throw herself at Pen's legs, whining dramatically because clearly the world is at its bitter end. Pen's blood pressure rises as she prepares milk, fixes snack, changes diaper, and otherwise exhausts list of Whatever Could Be Wrong, while the Bug continues to whine. She is tragic. Tired. Tragically tired. Time for a nap.

Or is it too early to play the uber-valuable Nap Card, hmmm. Pen and Bug lounge on the couch to read books and see what happens. Bug loves sitting on the couch, being up high. Snuggling with mommy... yawning, rubbing eyes next to mommy... Wiggling around a little, and then there, that's it. Bug is down for the count.

Pen eats lunch, maybe blogs a bit (heh). After awhile hears tiny footsteps and looks up to see a lone, just awoken K.Lo pattering down the hall, hugging two dolls and wondering if anyone's still around. Awww.

K.Lo eats lunch in her high chair. Or maybe she throws lunch, decides the dogs need to eat her hot dog or macaroni more than she does. So then we color, or K.Lo colors while Mommy reviews bills. Bug's really getting the hang of this crayon thing, although the jury is still out on whether she'll be left- or right-handed. Curious. But maybe it'll be awhile before we find out for sure, since she likes to throw crayons more than anything. She responds well to Pen's, "Hey. No ma'am. We don't throw our crayons," with a defiant look and another handful thrown. Game over. Bug returns to the floor and helps toss the fallen colors into their lunchbox with a winning smile. High five.

Pen could use a nap now, and badly. Baby N.Lo is sucking the life/energy/brain cells from her. Possible to nap in the presence of 17-month-old? Not so much. Kind of like napping in same room as Tasmanian Devil. The child is on a "flopping" kick, and the pregnant belly is a magnet for 25 solid lbs of toddler. Probably she thinks Pen's got a pillow stuffed under her shirt. And that Pen's face in pseudo-repose is as malleable as a doll's, there for the purpose of poking, prodding, and general hilarity. Child might actually be devil, not just Tasmanian.

Somehow time passes. Pen gives up on the nap, K.Lo more or less settles down. Some kind of dinner is prepared, with varied Bug response (see Chores, Multi-Tasking, above). And finally the hour of 6 has arrived, when the heat and sun have abated enough to accomodate the Fair and Preggo Pen, along with her fairly translucent daughter. Bug wears a swimsuit, the dogs are jumping for joy. Baby swims, dogs run, Pen zones. Life is good.

Doesn't take long for baby and dogs to hit their respective walls. Pen and Bug return indoors, dry off, change outfits, and spend the last minutes before J.Lo's homecoming on the floor playing Legos. True Colors plays on the pod, K.Lo is on the fence about whether to smile or whine, but chooses the former when she sees the game. She sits, stacks Legos with mommy, shows off her new building prowess. She is serious, intent, and proud. The soft cool skin of her little girl legs brush Pen, and Pen watches her, thinks to herself, Wow.


When your fingers swell up just like the rest of you, you have to take off your rings.

It's quite vexing.

Sizing up is a tedious option, as in a few months, you'd just have to size down again.

And you don't just want to say to the world, YES, I am married.

Mostly it's just, without the rings you're used to wearing, day in and day out for the past few years,

and you're tired,

and you don't look/feel right anyway,

and your mind's already going,

it just makes you feel like you're forgetting something all day long.

And who needs that.

Solution: a $10 cheapie, 1/2 a size up.
Peaceful preggo mind? priceless.

Road Trips: bonus late entry

My mind since I've been back has been taken up entirely with the road. Rolling by. Fields, hills, mountains, puffy clouds, the blazing sun, the occassional cow. Dairy Queen. Moving, sleeping, moving, in out, snacks, water, stop, drive, go go go. I haven't been able to focus on much else. It's an interesting absence of time. Vacant. Not a lot of musing other than how many miles taken, how many more miles to go. Mainly because of 'books on tape' and the question: who lives here and why? We did think $3,745 was a good price for 54 acres of land. Maybe raise alpaca's and burrow tunnels into the rock underneath as a way to stay cool. But living outside of the mojave desert lost its appeal considering it was no where near Vegas or the grand canyon. Not nearly near enough.

The trip started out with a late night arrival: I got to bed by 3 and woken up by an incessant car alarm at 4 and no kidding, a jackhammer at 8. I made it to greektown, had my delicious foodstuff, then went to the Taste of Chicago- yes to honey glazed chicken, no to catfish. Yes to kenny rogers circa 1977+, no to kenny now. Especially those kenny lookalikes.

While on the road I learned that books on tape are pretty awesome even if the faire is bourne ultimatum and not nearly transcendent nanny diaries. Also you can overdose on frenchfries, and that guy at the hotel hospitality was asking you if you were a lesbian. No to the queen, yes to the double. No we don't have pets. No. I said no. But i will take that free bag of popcorn and your complimentary breakfast. Also can you come over because the internet wireless isn't working... I hope those hooligens next door don't set our car on fire. Are those bedsheets damp or? Those windows are safe right? The banana is NOT going to smell up the car. I need more water. We need to stop. Yes now. Why are you torturing me? Fine drive the whole way- whatever. It's not my fault that you didn't finish packing before i got here. It's not dirty. We definitely like matt damon better. Who cares if you're a nanny and you don't leave your mark, there's bigger fish to fry. That shrimp was good. It's always chocolate icecream, chocolate dipped- nothing is better. The "I brake for aliens" work cone is perfect for Rachel. We should stop. We should see, this. No that. Probably not. We're there. We're here. Almost. Almost. Almost. Getting closer....

Being a passanger is hard. So many things to pass by but would only take rising early but the drivers sole objective is home- things missed: koolaid museum, giant ball of stamps, sante fe, albaqurque, tourquise, 1 outlet mall, 1 canvas messanger bag, sonic burgers, purchasing fireworks.

But otherwise the trip came and went. And it was pretty good.

Teamwork: 6/10 (i didn't drive once: blessing and a curse)
Critical Disagreement: 2 (how to pack, water-rafting)
Burgers ingested: 7? 8 maybe? uh... hurl.
Stops per day: 5-6
Hours on the road per day: 10
True relaxing moments: 3
Screaming matches: 0
Realizations: 5 (car, debt, lack of anxiety, relating, adventure)

Monday, July 9, 2007

So In brief:

I can't get my head straight.
Took 5 days to compile a list of 20items: completely taxing.
New car: Needs insurance and maybe a fancy car cleaning kit reasonably priced.
Debt: questionable.
Credit score: kicks ass
Pending blogs: The Royal Gorge... river, jesus
Novel: percolating.
Rest: completely lacking.

current K.Lo lexicon

Bender (Ben-er)
Bailey (A-ee)
milk (goh--I know, but it is milk, she says it every time w/o fail)
baby (ba-ba)
Grandma (Gamma)

also possibly:
love you
yum (mmm)

Sunday, July 8, 2007

Name my debt mobile!

It's the one on the left! It was either "fun and sporty" or you know "young professional"... and clearly i'm not that. i've always had to stay minimumly employed for the CC so i don't know why a carbill and insurance would make my chest tighten and yet... But anyway baby needs a new name. To start its life off right. Any suggestions?

Thursday, July 5, 2007


It's 7:50. I'm dressed in what I would call a cute peasant top and black skirt and sandals. Others would call it that too. Waiting for a rental car to come get me. It's 76 degrees. My roadtrip friend amber is asleep in the upstairs of the garage. The only place airconditioning is present. I don't want to wake her and make her take me. I think i'd rather be late to work. Not that late. I need overtime. Lots of overtime. 2 jobs maybe. And a new car... 90% sure. It's going to be hot today. Later there'll be some stories. Just a couple. Mostly there was just some driving and not even a whole lot of roadkill and more driving. But for now i'm waiting for a rental car to come get me. It is 7:58.

Tuesday, July 3, 2007


  • While cooking dinner today, the very tip of my toe itched for no apparent reason. It was like an eye twitch, or Restless Toe Syndrome. Very peculiar.

  • I've been in an off-and-on bad mood for the past two days, for no reason. Around the dogs in particular, I feel like Miss Hannigan. Except that I can't get drunk. I just need my space, man. Back the eff off.

  • It's taken me many, many years to properly appreciate fireworks, particularly the sudden-noise aspect. I do like them. I appreciate a good celebration. But may I say, weeklong fireworks shenanigans around the neighborhood, with a molar-teething daughter who has trouble falling asleep anyway? Not cool.

  • I've been upping my effort as of late to drink the water, eat the fruits and vegetables, and so far, pretty good. Current vice remains double-stuf oreos, but why fight it. They're way too darn tasty.

  • I have not, however, exercised one iota, unless one counts continuously picking up 25-lb baby throughout the day. Okay, that counts. I've gained 21 pounds so far, but overall I don't feel like feasting is the free-for-all it was last pregnancy. And my muscles aren't as mushy. I consider this all progress.

  • One of my tomato plants, a Roma, is producing tomatoes that are all half-formed, half-rotted. Even before they turn red, they don't look good, the bottoms are all flat, dry, and black. All the other plants are fine. Thoughts or advice from the masses?

  • I'm not sure I want to see Pirates 3 now that I've read Ashley's post. At least, maybe not in the theater. Sounds kind of lame, which is just so unfortunate. But, thanks for the warning.

  • My efforts to become a Sneaky Chef are a mixed bag. Success with the carrots and sweet potatoes in tomato sauce, couldn't tell a thing had changed. Not so much with the brownies, whose ingredients I'm slightly mortified to share. Honestly, taste-wise, you cannot tell a thing is different. Texture-wise, it's not that they're a bad texture; in fact, they cut exceptionally well, and have a lovely little sponge-like bounce to them. But the crackle-top you usually get from a box brownie mix is entirely, tragically, absent. And I just don't know if I can sacrifice it in the future. Doctored meals may have to be enough, while changing up snacks and sweets might very well be madness, crossing all sorts of sacred lines.

Happy Fourth, everyone! Since everyone around ILM is LAME (including us), and is not hosting a party, we're going to H-borough. So, bye until Thursday. Mendacious, will you be home yet???

now on J.Lo's shoulder

A bug for Bug, and a pen for Pen. I feel special.

coloring in the a.m.

Monday, July 2, 2007

from the world of mendacious

Sent to me via MMS from... somewhere in... Nebraska? It's crazy, man. Mendacious, come home soooon!