cluster f%ck

This morning's MISadventures included:
feeding the baby
changing the baby at least twice as often as "normal" (is there a normal after just 3 weeks?)
feeding the baby
cringing while feeding the baby, as K.Lo deliberately pulled on Bender the Tweakster's ears, wouldn't stop/change tactics when I told her to, and Bender growled
feeding the baby
hoping for a shower
feeding the baby
cleaning spit-up off the baby
bathing the baby
folding laundry, trying not to lose mind/temper as K.Lo pulled each clean article of clothing onto the dog-hairy floor
feeding the baby
saying Screw It, I am taking a shower, and I am DONE FEEDING THE BABY.
changing K.Lo's clothes and cleaning up ginormous puddle of water around dog bowl, where K.Lo has dipped a dish towel (she knows this is bad, very bad)

Presently, N.Lo is still sleeping in spite of undeniable starvation. K.Lo has randomly fallen asleep on the living room floor about half an hour before naptime. The dogs aren't staring at me, for once. I'm kind of afraid to breathe, it might destroy this moment of possible peace.

N.Lo has been "cluster feeding" over the past few days, which just means he's growing through a growth spurt and has to eat and eat and eat until mommy wants to cry. I've read it's to increase milk supply. I believe it's really nature's way of simultaneously testing your endurance with the newborn, and mocking you out for having a kid in the first place. It makes you doubt everything--that your kid has a pleasant temperament, that he likes to sleep, that you can actually handle this new life (yours and his). It makes you think irrational thoughts, like things will never ever feel right or normal ever again, that your house will forever be a sticky, dirty, hairy, dusty, unorganized mess, that your daughter may never step out of the house with clean clothes or her hair combed ever again. You'll never lose the baby weight, or look good in an outfit, or leave the house with your hair combed ever again. You think about just throwing in the dog-water-soaked towel and saying That's It, I am Done. See you all later.

I remember (vaguely) from K.Lo's early days that just about at the breaking point with the cluster f%ck, that's where everything suddenly changes, and you can breathe again. So, I'm just saying, dear universe, hi. It's me, penelope, and I am there. At the breaking point. Thank you and good night. See you in the better morning??