Trust and Fast

Day 5 of the FAST.
I have come to feel the apple flaxseed muffins are cheating. Though they are delicious. I need to lower their sugar content and try again. Maybe in half? But can you believe i haven't had a piece of meat/fish/cheese or latte for 5 days. The eggs in the morning are providing some necessary stability (is that wrong? should i not have stability?hmm.) and I'll try switching it up to oatmeal later. But otherwise I'm doing pretty good. The first night I had a slight headache but haven't since. Mainly eating quinoa, rice and beans, rice noodles, fruit fruit fruit and someeee nuts? I need more nuts. I'm waiting to revolt or really I need to vary it and try new things... i wanted to try adding egg to grated squash or sweet potato and making a sort of hash thing. Hmm what else... Maybe a stirfry. I'm craving bacon for some reason and everytime i see a sign for coffee i'm mocked. But those we'll have to wait. It's a struggle btw the letter and the spirit of the law here in terms of what to deny myself and what to let myself have. A little green tea and juice... white rice? Is that too far? gf bread... hmm.

It's a pretty bigdeal to see how far i've come in my life and my eating habits and the hypoglycemia and the allergies to let myself feel safe in cutting things out in the first place. And the lack of withdrawl symptoms for the most part is a testament too. Though obviously i love meat and i won't be giving it up anytime soon it's good to know the sustainability of grains and beans... It would be good to take this basic knowledge and carry it into the future no? I'm not praying enough though... or not once yet a concentrated time unless before sleep. The great secret and torment of someone who is chair of a prayer council.

Otherwise what else... here i am blogging. It's high summer and who knows what will come. Hopefully enough money for my bills this month and a job for September. My mantra?or truth? the word i have? besides is: The Lord sustain me. Trust.Fast. I'll have to remember this as i cut down my netflix this coming month.

8 by pen

Even though we weren't tagged by Megs to do our Weird 8, mendacious and I, after sobbing a little, have decided to tag ourselves. Because the lists of weirdnesses between us are, I'm quite sure, endless.


1. I get really annoyed at J.Lo for picking at his nails instead of using a clipper, but then I do the same thing. And what's worse is, I will be the one to pick off a nail badly, causing pain, bleeding, and (one horrible time), infection. The infection, by the way, hurt worse than labor.


2. I'm going through a phase where I just want to paint one wall of a given room. Okay, so I've only done that once so far, in the den, but I really feel like an accent wall can transform the whole room without the time, effort, or expense of a complete repaint. Plus, you can pick bolder colors than you would for all 4 walls. Someday I'm also going to do the living room, and for K.Lo's room, I plan on keeping the top half the way it is (purple with polka dots) and painting the bottom green. That just sounded like a circus when I wrote it down. But it's going to be fabulous.


3. My cravings this pregnancy are: fruit, esp strawberries, blueberries, raspberries, peaches, apples, kiwi and watermelon. Sometimes I wonder if I really crave the fruit, or if I'm just thirsty? I still have a hard time drinking enough water. I also crave eggs, hard-boiled especially. All the other things I've mentioned eating excessively in recent history, i.e. hot dogs, pasta, pizza, and cheese, I eat all the time, even when not pregnant, so I don't feel like they count.


4. I am not a hobnobber. And name-dropping is such a huge pet peeve. I'm really not interested in who you know (unless they're like, a TV star, heh), where you or they went to school, what exactly is on your or their resume(s), and what kinds of things you or they own. I mean, I care, because it's you, and these things make up who you are, including who you spend time with. But if that's all you care about? I clam up. I back off. I find better things to do. Because clearly I am not interesting enough to be your friend. And that I am anti-networking, anti-status, anti-ass-kissing, and anti-materialism? That is exactly what will keep me from being successful in the money-earning world, in my so-called writing career, sure. I'm aware. I wish sometimes that I were more charismatic and inherently charming as a person, and that none of this hobnob deficiency or disdain would matter, but I am who I am, it is what it is, and so. I am okay with that.


5. I don't get invited many places, and not just because I don't hobnob. (Or maybe it is. Perhaps it's the lack of charisma.) I used to get really upset about this fact, like until a few years ago? Then I realized that, duh, I don't invite anyone else anywhere, either. Even though I am continually trying to be better about this particular social retardation, I still depend on others too much to do the inviting. On the other hand, I am a homebody, and don't really desire to go too many places, as it sucks the energy right out of me. I need lots of downtime, time spent watering the plants and watching the fish. Which is yet another thing that makes me boring, I think, but again, yeah, I'm all right with that.


6. I'm a sl o o o w reader. I always have been, and then the problem became worse with classes in English and creative writing. It took me nearly 2 1/2 years out of school (and it's only been 3, total) to not think so much about the story's elements and to just enjoy the ride, but I'm still slow. I just need to soak up every word and understand exactly what is happening and how and why. It takes time. This habit or quality frustrates me, though, and I so wish I could just breeze through book after book like so many of my friends do.


7. I love horseradish. I'm not so much a fan of typically "spicy" or "hot" food, at least once it's to the point of obscuring taste and/or inducing tears. But the heat of horseradish, wasabi and the like? It's thrilling, the way it kind of creeps up behind your sinuses to set your mind on fire. I could eat horseradish plain out of the jar, I think. When I stayed in England, most days I would go to this local sandwich shop for lunch and order a turkey sandwich with mustard, and this mustard, as is apparently standard in England, was laced with horseradish. It was so fantastic, and I've spent the past 8 years, with no success, trying to find mustard that will compare.


8. I don't like red radishes. Don't they have a similar bite? Can't really stand them, never could, despite that they're much prettier than horseradish. Radishes are one of the few foods that I avoided as a kid, but didn't pass on the Second Chance Test as an adult. Potato salad, coleslaw, asparagus, and pierogies all made it into the edible category, but radishes, not so much.

I tag Ashley and Johann.

craving

As noted, in some ways this pregnancy is vastly different from the first one. There's the hair thing, and (should I say it? will it jinx it?) I'm not quite as Green. Last time I was sick for basically a whole summer, at least, and this time, at least I've had some breaks. (P.S. to God: thank you thank you thank you.) But craving-wise? Apparently when I'm pregnant, my brain thinks it's time to eat:

1) meals featuring ground beef, i.e. Sloppy Joes, meatballs, enchiladas, tacos, and hamburgers

2) sides featuring potato products, i.e. mashed potatoes, potato salad, and fries.

Although last night I had an overwhelming urge for brownies (still there, btw, still unsatisfied), there really hasn't been much else that stands out, aside from the ground beef and potato randomness. Is it a nostalgia thing, or is this just what my body needs? I do believe in the importance of cravings, like it means your body needs something in that food, and unless you're craving dirt or paint chips, you should listen. Last week I feasted on Sloppy Joes every day for lunch, and I can't seem to stop myself from purchasing Potato Buds. I've never bought Potato Buds outside of pregnancy, and it's not that I have anything against Potato Buds and the people who use them, but I suppose outside of pregnancy, the desire for mashed potatoes is not so pressing. I can take the time to peel, dice, cook and mash real potatoes; whereas when pregnant, must have mashed potatoes yesterday. And it only takes a few minutes with the help of the microwave.

Which, speaking of, it is actually 3 minutes past 11 EST, and therefore technically LUNCH. I'm out.