Penolin,

happy friday. i made it... oh wait, its' only ... omg no its friday! it's really friday! what! week 2. down. how is that possible! lets just quietly ponder. slipping into a rhythm. becoming sick of breakfast food but knowing its essential to start the day. anticipating good traffic days. wearying of newsradio and finally getting the I.T guy to fix that etflixnay roblempay and upgrade your browser, to having a name plaque. oh and meeting the icecube guy. he has great flowing super curly red hair. he's totally nice. says hi to me even before i knew what i know now. and then when i saw him with the ice cubes and he's like, i haven't been able to keep up with demand. i added another tray but now they're taking longer to freeze- it was almost exactly like meeting your kindred spirit. amazing. made my day. and that monkey from clockwatchers that toni's character accuses parkers character of taking but she didn't was yes just waiting for me at my desk. i think it was my AP's. so she gets points. and on a sidenote we have random wall posters everywhere advertising the awesomeness of us. so the mysterious one that you want to know about is that pic of that opaypay ingersay we all love to watch. right now i'm burning cd's for possible soundtrack potential. from the fficeopay soundtrack to the aterwayboy soundtracks. you've got to just love a good soundtrack. we need like a list of best soundtracks. which as i type it i'm sure exists somewhere. people who i credit with infusing me with good music is steve via danica, and scott. i love a good music infusion also and you can't get that on the internet but only on random mix cds and friends who own, for instance, an entire cache of opera, or strange bands called the lackbay eyskay...

also yesterday i made it to swimming. and it was one of those blissful, no one there, the lanes quiet sort of moments and i thought to myself i need to try to bring my mind to a peaceful place like how quiet and lovely it is here, and then sometime around length 20 some 8 guys all barged into the pool area. and the 5 that could come into the lanes all began to swim furiously. boys! honestly! so annoying. and the water churned and hit the sides from the wakes they were creating and i tossed now, suddenly at sea, amped up my usual pace and got out of there as fast as i could. lest i get sucked under. all the while exclaiming in my head, uhhumph! boys!

which brings me to my cousin who was like talking on the phone for 2+hours in my room, which i know all the things he said, it was like, 'i could be saying to you right now, so just listen', and i get that, bcs i'm sure i've done it before to people, as i've chattered on in whatever self-absorbed convo i've been in. sorry mom. but still. it included making sure his exGF didN't know about the funeral, telling his dads bestman that his dad had died, and talking to his mom (my aunt/remarried) about arrangements. and i can only roll my eyes and do very little rebuttal. it's like tie my hands why don't you. anyway he gave me a hard time for not wanting to come to his dads funeral. (whom i didn't know). and sort of implied that he'd spend the day giving me a hard time if i wasn't there. (which might be good distraction for him) and that i should come around. its sort of like what he was doing in my room. wanting me to be there but not engaging with me. which i also get, but mom and i don't particularly like being props unless we're useful. and it is hard to tell him i view the entire family as a din of evil. or secretly in addition i am a classist snob who cannot take a room full of mechanics, h*rley riders, and ill-educated nerdowells. or that i would be the old school person who hired mourners to wail for me, though perhaps i might write a poem.

and if this girl doesn't attend holidays it's questionable if she attends funerals. i'm still debating in my mind whether or not to go to my grandparents funerals and they haven't even died yet. or if i went to one, does that mean i can get out of going to the other? or not going will that just cut me out of the will? or do they get that i love them but patently disagree with how they live their lives? which has caused an irreparable rift only able to mend by the work of God himself? so its not out of the question. just impossible right now. i have boundaries. and theyre tall and wide. and its not like jesus is the common ground. i take much more seriously the admonition that i should get along with that community much more than the tie that allegedly binds. and all of this is a lot to confront at a funeral of someone you don't know, for a cousin who doesn't really plan on leaning on you. is all i'm saying.

alright i totally need to hit send now.
the day is 1/2 folded over.
m.