Penatintin,

(Now this girl needs a boy, and has arrested the wandering eye upwards to this girls grey hairs. Alas. But she dreams now and then of a something-other. And galatians 5 is far away. So the girl still alone in her convent prays.)

Right now I'm considering paying my bills but don't want to say goodbye to the cash. I did just get an optimistic call for 7wks work, not with scully however. It's a may be. A we'll see if the call comes. It's the opposite of juryduty. But at least I dont have to go on tuesday, nothing whatever is known about wed-friday. And I'm slowly moving into my bathroom. I wonder at it because I've never lived in there. I've always had an alienated relationship to it, even as a kid. Certainly it was never a lovely place. So it seemed the only thing I kept in there was my toothbrush and my razor- and come to think about it I never do much of either. So not just distant relationship to the bathroom, but perhaps, downright strained and hostile? It could explain why I don't like to shower, shave or brush my teeth.... or why i let it go for so long. It always seemed a place to avoid? An unhappy chaotic space.

It was a wonder that it took me just a day to even let my hairspray in there and some bathing and camping products. They're piled in a box waiting for space. I still won't put my brush or makeup in there. I say it's because there's no room, and the place so small and yet I'm still skeptical of my excuse about vanity tables and getting ready in my bedroom. The deodorant won't go in there either. But despite, is it a step? A small one. Even as I wonder about its getting done-ness. Give it time. Give it time. Us slow movers. I've also made a bag of "mega shadow-box" project stuff. And have plans to move this and that over here and there. It takes time to do all this headsorting.

Right now i'm watching Storytellers on WatchNow, favorite most awesome ever. Last night I had nearly nothing so fun to watch, was reading, then trying to sleep but too much chocolate and green tea and was up late staring into space, imagining my possibly rad but haven't yet seen sleighbed? queen sized?! (my dad actually found free and unsolicited for me) though i can't yet afford a mattress or the space (the only thing which he said to me)- and then i finally passed out only to wake dreaming of a girl who climbed high up into a roundtower to escape the pillaging of a castle. Except it was enchanted? And the girl stayed there up until the present day, just waiting and living and undistressed or unaware of her state. And a woman found her and the girl talked about all the beauty about the place and the purple light thru some of the stained glasswindows. And the woman told her that she was trapped and wouldn't she like to come down and live like a normal person through time, to live, to die- to grow up? I think the girl might've answered yes,

But, then I woke up.

Tomorrow I might actually load stuff onto etsy. If you can believe it. I'm not sure if I do yet. That is really the only thing on my to-do. and the iron-ontransfer, to meditate, to walk dog since for-ever, paybills, eatchocolate with almonds and fruit and maybe make a new list.

m,gods greatest nation ever.
(ps. sorry about your weird ridiculous knuckle issue. it may be as bad as my i dont want to heal shoulder.)