Cheers to Pen & M!

WELCOME TO THE 2-YR RETROSPECTIVE OF PEN&M: A BLOGGERS LIFE.
This reporter, having felt for years the oppressive presence of Mendacious and Los Angeles, sought out gentle Penelope in the hills of North Carolina for a different perspective, only to find her full of Snark and living *indeterminately* close to the beach. (Although she did make me cookies, Mendacious would never do that). Grab a glass of wine and reflect with me on their 2 years of blog-ship success….

Johann: They’re delicious. Oh, no than- okay, one more. Ahem, Okay, Mendacious- can you hear us?

M: What’s that loud panting sound? Is that you Johann?

PEN: Bender, Bailey- sit down. Sorry, Mendacious.

Two years, ladies. How does it feel?
PEN: Hmmm...like one of those rain showers on a summer day where you can go out in the yard and spin around barefoot, and not even get bit by mosquitoes. In the distance, a rainbow. Kermit the Frog sits on a log, strums a banjo, and sings.

M: I’d say definitely a cool breeze on a summer day.

[Johann coughs]


After all this time, how do you keep it fresh, each post a new and exciting word adventure?
PEN: I can't speak for mendacious, [M: you can and do! Pen: No I don’t!] Anyway, as for myself, I always make sure to check the expiration date before posting a post. If it's just an hour past, into the trash it goes. You have to trust the Expiration Date Authorities on that one. [Johann coughs.]

Okay, truth: if it doesn't smell too un-post like, I'll post it anyway. That's the real rule of thumb, and so far, I haven't fallen ill or died from an un-fresh post.

M: Good I was worried. For me I’d say “Live It. Tell it.” That’s my motto.

[Johann: Like when “Words Attack” or “When Words Go Awry.”]
[Penelope laughs.]

M: What?


If your blog were alive, and human, it would still be a baby. What sort of things will you do to encourage it, to enhance its developmental years?
PEN: I would take the blog to Story Hour. TV rots the brain. Hee.

M: Let it watch TV, then tell it to go outside.

[Penelope applauds.]


If your blog were alive, and a wolf, it would be fully mature by now. Just something to keep in mind.
PEN: Are you saying that we should be released into the wild? Or that it was just a bad idea from the start to try and domesticate a blog.

M: Well as long as it doesn’t eat small children. I don’t mind.


The name change, it caught many of us off guard. What affect do you think this change has had on your readers? And are you afraid that there might be someone lost out there still trying to make it to the Ivy?
PEN: The word is that readers are coping. Intensive therapy, some involving shock treatments, most involving a Dr. Phil-like, in-your-face, "get a grip on reality" approach, has helped smooth the transition…
[Johann: Can I have some, uh-]
[Penelope: Oh of course, be right back]
[M: Uh, guys- I’m on lunch break. Hello?]

Ahem…If any of our readers do make it to The Ivy someday, I would hope that they would take Mendacious and I along--no matter how bad the seats, we would feel most honored.[M: Yah, being near the bathrooms wasn’t that bad.]… I'll have lobster ravioli and a tea with lemon, please. Thanks. Oh, and also if you're treating, perhaps a garden salad with House dressing, and for dessert, ummmm... crème brulee. Thanks.

M: We hope the change clarifies the dynamic, if not the purpose. Although I admit I was worried about our readership but Pen insists we only have 10 people reading our blog and we know all of them- plus she said it’d discourage the stupid ones. My lawyer was initially against the name change and it involved some heavy contract negotiations but we pushed it through.


Two authors, one blog. Does this ever create a conflict? Surely there are some examples of disagreement you can share, bickerings over blog content or template choices.
PEN: As I'm sure you're aware, Johann, Mendacious is quite the stubborn and tenacious force behind that "La la la, I'm so happy out in the California sun with my flowers and orange trees and two sweet doggies!" facade. I depend on the humidity of the East Coast to keep Mendacious at bay, particularly when I make more controversial blog choices, such as the brief but tumultuous Navy Blue Scandal of Spring 2006. And that is all I can reveal at this time.

M: It’s true. She says, go play outside and I do and whole sidebars have changed. For instance “we love you, you should blog more?”… that was all her- I would never say “I love you.” And then of course there’s the occasional anxiety about who blogs better and has more readers, like Pen’s intimidating East Coast Writers Posse. [Pen: Heh.] I can feel the shift from a pro: mendacious to a pro: pen vote all the time. That’s when I try to be less offensive and start writing posts about sunsets and bunnies. [Pen: Hey!?] See what I mean.


When you start a new job, or make a new friend/acquaintance/lover, do you ever tell them that you have a blog? If so, how long do you have to know someone before you mention it? And are you like me, the night before you're prepared to tell them, do you go home and really try to compose a masterpiece, as well as edit and rework four or five of your more recent posts?
[M: I’m not that insecure, Johann.]

PEN: Heehee...
Yeah, I used to tell everyone I knew about the blog until I realized people were actually reading it? After that night in the back alley from whence I emerged beaten, balding, and sporting two black eyes as punishment for a certain knife-wielding post of mine, I realized some people a) can't handle the truth and b) just really hate Survivor. Now, if I do mention the blog, I pretend I don't know the address until the individual has proven him or herself trustworthy AND un-retarded.

M:.I need to employ that rule more- My- “The Devil May Care” attitude does get me into trouble sometimes. And also, if I told them, how else could I write about them. I mean let’s not relive the day that someone told my director about the blog… Brandon was never the same again. Although I trust he’s not reading it now so I can talk about him freely.


In the middle of writing a long post, have you ever thought, 'I could've spent this time volunteering down at the Children's Hospital?'
PEN: Are you saying that (Mis)Adventures fails to assist, enrich, and further the health of all humankind?

M: Well I could say the same of interviewers really.

[PEN: Ooo, burn!]


Right now, I just paused to clean out my belly button. What's the strangest thing you stopped in the middle of blogging to do?
[PEN: Could you not do that again please.]
[Johann: Sorry.]

PEN: I Jedi mind-tricked my Dwight K. Schrute bobblehead into bobbling his head.

M: Work.

PEN: Touche!


If you were a bottle of wine, what would be written on your label?
PEN: A quiet, mellow red wine with more than a hint of snark. May appear shallow at first, but after a few sips, you will see that there is much more to understand, know, and appreciate about this flavor. Best served with tacos, chips and dip, or cheese.

M: A dry but boisterous white wine with a sharp--though notably refreshing--bite. Open, honest, and blunt through and through, this flavor's intrigue lies also in its many hints and not-so-subtleties: sarcasm, generosity, wit, and could it be? Ah, and so it is--an unmistakable drop of romance.
Best served chilled, and in far-off lands.


If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates?
PEN: Well kid, we decided not to send you Down South after all.

M: Welcome home.

[PEN: Nice!]


Penelope, for a year and a half, some readers thought you weren't real, that you were merely a figment of Mendacious' warped, delusional mind. Then came baby. Don't you think you took things a little too far to prove your existence?
PEN: And yet on the East Coast, some readers thought that Mendacious wasn't real, that she was merely a figment of my warped, delusional mind.

[Johann erupts into a peal of laughter.]
[M: Asshat.]
[Johann/Penelope: What? We…]
[More laughing.]
[Johann/Penelope: Who was that?]
[Penelope: It’s like voices coming from my mind or something.]

But, seriously, in the immortal words of Ferris Bueller, "You can never go too far." If presented with the opportunity, always try to outwit the snooty maitre d' and get seats at Chez Quis. Or, in this case, have a baby just to prove you exist.


Mendacious, you often ride a bike. Do the recent doping scandals which have stained the cycling world have any effect on you? Have you considered a less controversial way of getting around, such as a scooter?
PEN: M, Vespas are hot. Couldn't you go in the carpool lane with one of those?

M: No comment. And my badass factor would go down by ½. What are you thinking.


I've noticed lately, the inclusion of a poll with your blog. How fun. And yet, there's no limit to how many times a person can vote. Does this at all concern you, knowing your results are scientifically invalid?
PEN: Are you telling me that people would vote more than once? Next you're going to suggest that people choose a different answer every time!!! I am appalled.
M: We have a poll? You see this is exactly what I’m talking about!

[Pen: Ohmygod, I knew she wasn’t voting!]
[Indecipherable grumbling.]
[Pen (loudly): Johann, would you like another cookie? Aren’t they fantastic? Mmmm.]
[Johann, mouth full, mumbles enthusiastic agreement.]


I know I asked this last year, but I'd be interested to see if your views have changed: Why blog?
PEN: Actually, my views have changed. I blog precisely to assist, enrich, and further the health of all humankind, particularly those people who don't yet subscribe to cable TV. The question is, and this is one I struggle with daily: Is it working? Are they listening to me?

M: When my narcissism fails me, at the end of the day, I’m just talking to Penelope, and if that fails me then at the end of the day I’m writing for its ownsake. I recognize its necessity in my life, although I know it doesn’t have to be a blog- it’s turned into something more than we expected and I appreciate that and in turn, when all else fails- I’m going to nurture it and not let it die.

PEN (more applause): Long live the blog!


Mendacious, why seaweed?
[Pen snickers, tries quickly to cover it up.]

M: My obnoxious answer is: why not. My more involved answer is: My friend Danica brought my mom and I an article on the “Victorian Art of Seaweed Pressing”… which led us to several beach expeditions to see what all the fuss was about- and we found they were way more awesome and kick ass then supposed. This last photo series was just a ‘teenth of what I found when camping at Refugio- and didn’t have the means to take them home with me. I strove to capture their beauty and movement without being in a diving suit in the cold dark waters of the Pacific. Also it’s something we never experience and contextually flowers are too easily read and dismissed- hopefully you’ll take the time to reexamine them and see what I’m talking about…

[Johann: uh, Okay.]
[M: Dude! ]
[Pen: Johann, seaweed’s pretty, now. Be nice.]
[Bailey: woof.]


Penelope, you once wrote about not being listened to enough, about a need for importance. I can't remember what else you said, I sort of skimmed the rest [Pen coughs loudly], but I wanted to tell you I recently read a book, 'The Art of Creative Writing' by Lajos Egri. In it, he proposes that all writing grows from the root of the 'importance of being important.' This is a point he stresses throughout, he even concludes Chapter Ten by stating, 'the strangest phenomenon, it seems to me, is the awareness that in all strata of society there's nothing greater in a man's life than the Importance of Being Important. So does this at all provide you any comfort, knowing that yours is a universal struggle, common to all people (except for maybe the people of Dafur)?

PEN: Not really...I wanted to be the only one. Hmph.
[Johann: Could I?]
[Pen: Oh, certainly. Go nuts.]
Seriously, though, it's an interesting issue to ponder. It seems like there is that need in all of us to feel special somehow, and, especially in the time we live in, there comes with that that the need or desire to be noticed by the masses? Perhaps it could be pinpointed as the driving force behind (just as examples) musical superstars and mass murderers alike.

Remember, it's all about choices, people!


In the last year, you both turned 30. Is there anything you'd like to tell, something in the way of an insight into life, for those of us yet to begin our accent to that age plateau?

PEN: I've still got a few years until I hit 30... I did attend a 30th b-day party recently, which may have been confusing. But save that question for me on our 4th anniversary interview. It's a goodie.

M: [Ha.] I don’t know. It’s weird. But I never thought there would be a difference btw me at 30 and me at 26. But there really is. Sometimes it’s tied to age other times not. The thing is not much changes and that’s part of the problem. You still feel you. You feel young and possessed and not unlike Michael York in Logan’s Run when the chip in his hand starts blinking prematurely. I really don’t know what to do with my age. I probably never will. But I can’t help but feel an internal pressure. Usually I’m good at fighting it but I have to say sometimes the Sandman gets me.


I've noticed a recent trend in blogging where people seem to be more focused on the appliance of images and video files, while including very little in the way of words, actual manuscript. Do you think the time of the engaging story blog has passed?
PEN: Hmmm, let me ponder that.

M: Ha. Seriously. I mean if the lack of comments say anything to some of my essayistic like posts I wonder… usually people have so little patience. It’s less like surfing and more like remote control clicking. Usually I have to make myself stay on the board and ride the wave out-

PEN: Plus, sometimes the pictures amp up the funny, as well as making the post more attractive... I’d have to agree though that on the whole blog readers have little patience, myself included. Maybe it’s just reading on the screen that people get all ADD about. Because a novel or a good CNF book, that I can sit down and read and read and read.

Why do we comment? What is it that motivates readers to tack on their two cents?
PEN: I really feel it's mainly out of a selfish desire to showcase one's own brilliance and wit. At least, that's what motivates me. It's like, look at me, aren't I fancy, too!

M: Which makes me wonder, why more people wouldn’t want to hand a little snark back or funny? But really I do want to encourage dialogue- and why not a little verbal one-upmanship? That’s why I always wonder about the lack of comments. I don’t know if I blog just to hear myself speak but to sometimes gain perspective.

In one thousand years, if a multi-tentacled space person finds this blog and takes the time to read every post, what would you want their impression to be? And does that differ from what their impression will be?
PEN:Hang on, K-Lo just happens to own a multi-tentacled space person puppet, so let me consult...

[Rustling in background.]

PUPPET (talks a little like William Shatner): Greetings, Johann. I declare that should future generations of my people happen upon The (Mis)Adventures of Pen & M, they would be most astounded. They would say, It's impressively better than so many of the blogs from yester-millenium. The humor, the perception, the depth! Schlemeel, schlemazel! If only we could have known them then. Cheers (cue champagne toast) to Men and Pen!

[Johann falls into coughing fit.]
[Pen: would like some water, or--?]

M: Brilliant. That’s why I love puppets. They’re so insightful.

[K-Lo squeals happily, throws a Cheerio.]
PUPPET: Why, thank you, Mendacious. I am your biggest fan.

One last question, at any point in this interview, did you ever think, ''I could've spent this time volunteering at the Children's Hospital?"
M: During this interview? Yes.

PEN: All right, all right. I suppose I could look into candy striping at least, or maybe being a Christmas elf. You really know how to put on the pressure, Johann. But thanks for taking the time to interview us once again: from the bottom of our hearts!