[The interview took place in the back room of an inauspicious LA restaurant. Penelope conferenced in. The reporter, one Johann of Ulm, took the time to tell you the truth.]
1)If you could have any three people, living or dead, comment on your blog, who would they be (and why)?
PENELOPE: Donald Trump, just so I can go around imitating in a gruff, bad-haircut voice the cheesy one-liner he would come up with.
-Tom Cruise, so I can write back and tell him to free Katie, and that as a rule, he should not spawn.
-Jack Handey, for a classic Deep Thought.
MENDACIOUS: St. Augustine, only in hopes that he would quote me in his religious writings.
-Richard Feynman, I heard for a genius-physicist he was a really good story teller.
-Cathy Lantz, she doesn't read my blog and I want her to.
2)How much time would you say you two have collectively invested in blogging?
PENELOPE:On the average, mendacious would be maybe 2 hours weekly, and penelope would be like, 20 minutes. Penelope sucks.
MENDACIOUS: I'm not good at statistics.
3)Is there any subject that is ‘unbloggable?’
PENELOPE: I don't really like to touch politics, simply because I don't know enough about them. Which is sad, considering the only time I did write about politics was to say I voted. Also, generally speaking, politics just seem to make people really, really heated. That stresses me out.
MENDACIOUS: My real feelings. I keed. I keed. That, and about specific events, salacious commentary (I have a conscience), and perhaps x-rated dreams.
4)How much money have you made off your blog advertisements?
PENELOPE:Approximately...nothing. I'm not even sure why we have them sometimes, other than the dream that we will someday make a nickel and then be faced with, between us, the dilemma of who get three cents and who gets two. Also, it's entertaining to watch the ads change based on our topics. It makes me feel powerful.
MENDACIOUS: Pen, we have adverts? I wonder if there's a way you could determine which advert got you the revenue. Then we could see if people were drawn to our talk about spiders or bunt cake.
5)Why blog?
PENELOPE:Obviously not for the money made from advertising. Whenever I write, particularly non-fiction, I like to spout off some umbrella reason for it like, "I write to present what is both unique and common about myself. People can relate to what they have in common, and be entertained or intrigued or whatever, by what is unique. Because we are all alike, yet different, like snowflakes."
MENDACIOUS: Grad school taught us that we actually had to have an answer when people ask us this question. Why? I don't know. I will say though my primary interest is to convey that life is never about the big things- your life is comprised of small steps, seemingly meaningless, but when observed from a far reveals an extraordinary different-ness. I'm invested in minutae, that and I'm a narcissist.
6)Penelope, you’re pregnant, what’s that like?
PENELOPE: Exciting, terrifying, suprising, tiring, and amusing. Also, clumsy. I drop things a lot, and sometimes almost fall when doing simple things like sitting down on the couch. Of course, how this is different from my usual existence, I can't really say, except that now I have an excuse. It's exciting, obviously, because it's a little human in there and who knows how it will turn out? It's terrifying, because it's a human in there and who knows how it will turn out. Also, historically I have very little experience with children, much less babies. My main goal will be to not injure the baby. I'm doing a lot of reading on the subject of care and feeding, so hopefully that will help. I'm a little worried, too, about my tweaky black labrador and that she might eat the baby--that would be bad.
It's surprising because sometimes I forget, and then I catch a glance of my reflection at almost six months pregnant, and I'm like, whoa. Who is that? Surreal.It's tiring for obvious reasons, but I imagine actually raising the baby will be way more tiring, so I'm not complaining because at least now I get to sleep a lot. And it's amusing because of all the dumber and flakier than usual things I do, and also watching the belly move. That part is very cute.
7) If I was thinking about starting up my own blog, what advice would you give me?
PENELOPE:Make sure it's either about something that you'll be able to write about for a really long time and not get bored, or that it's about absolutely nothing, which will ensure you'll never get bored. Because nothing is sadder than starting a blog and then leaving it to fester in cyberspace, unwanted and unloved. I did that once, and I still feel guilty about it.
MENDACIOUS: Blogging about nothing is always better than blogging about something, but I find I get bored no matter what. Make sure that your primary motivation is to write for itsownsake- even if no one sees it, it doesn't make the expression any less beautiful or the content anylesstrue. Unless youre a pathalogical liar. Besides that it's tragic for a writer to lose their voice. I was terrified through grad school that once I graduated I would stop writing, this reminds me that it will never leave me.
8)As a fellow blogger, I know what it’s like to post when you’re not at your best. Yet we still post. Is there something wrong with us?
PENELOPE:Yes.
MENDACIOUS: I wish Pen had said, what exactly... is it better to attempt or to be assured success and never try?
9)How do the words, ‘blogger temporarily unavailable’ make you feel?
PENELOPE:Sad and lonely, like a gigolo.
MENDACIOUS: At first I thought you meant an actual person, like fellow blogger. Then I thought oh, maybe the site. That is sad. It reminds one that you should always back up your writing. I haven't yet, but still. We live on a fragile fabric of order, one slip into chaos and our blog is gone forever.
10) How do the words, ‘I love you’ make you feel?
PENELOPE: The opposite of how a gigolo feels.
MENDACIOUS: Like I'm dreaming- like it's a phrase I've never lived.
11) If your blog was turned into a movie, who would you want to play each other?
PENELOPE:Ooo, I put a lot of thought into this question when it came up in random conversation a few years ago, and I decided on Jenna Elfman for me. Does that make me shallow?
MENDACIOUS: Kate Winslet. (I wouldn't want her to gain weight for the role though) that or Brooke Shields. Are there any fat actresses in Hollywood besides Kristi Alley? Maybe I'll just play myself- what'd I get that damn degree for anyway.
12)Would you say you’re more ‘Blog or die’ or rather ‘Blog when I’m bored enough’?
PENELOPE:Don't blog when I'm hungry. I can't think straight.
MENDACIOUS:Currently, Blog or Die. I wish I lived the rest of my life like that, and even then I occassionally miss days.
13)Now ladies, why don’t you share with us your deepest, darkest, most randy secret?
PENELOPE:I absolutely don't want my belly button to go from an innie to an outie, and for aesthetic reasons only.
MENDACIOUS:[Laughter, followed by inaudible conversation with producer] No comment.
14)At what point do you decide to stop blogging?
PENELOPE: When the Internet is no longer in style?
MENDACIOUS: When I've given up hope or maybe started to write screenplays on a regular basis. I have a MSWord journal and cool leather bound one- They both pretty much dried up when I started blogging, and yet, the content isn't really the same. So there's a loss no matter how you look at it.
15)What is the meaning of life?
PENELOPE:Why, it's 42, of course.
[laughter, applause from Mendacious: At this point a fight erupts at the next table. A roll hits the interviewer, hopelessly blinding him for 3seconds. A person is thrown up against Mendacious, her IcedTea wooshing on her rented trend-ready outfit, "I thought we were in a backroom for a reason!!". Penelope yells, "Did you eat? Why are you screaming! Johann?!" After several minutes of chaos, Mendacious comes back and says, "Where were we? Pen, are you there?"]
16)What should readers expect for the upcoming year?
PENELOPE: Penelope's adventures in baby-raising. The lifestyle of the soon-to-be rich and famous mendacious--which totally rhymes, so it therefore is a certainty.
MENDACIOUS:I think I'll probably be jobless again. That or on a trip to Indonesia. Could be both.
17)One last thing ladies. What do you look forward to?
PENELOPE:The season premiere of Scrubs!!!
MENDACIOUS: That the fictional raft will one day escape the island.
True Love.
2 comments:
Readers, where are you? I can't wait to hear your comments!
Applause to the intrepid bloggers! (And applause to Johann for insightful questions.)
I've been waiting all day to read this since I heard it was posted...and I finally got to it at lunch. Way too late, in my opinion. It should have been first thing in the morning, except, alas, I often actually have to work at work. (Especially in the morning.)
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