Ho, Hum (read for head thoughts only)

(so) some general musings- it's hard really to say. blogging has been awesome, but my journal writing and actual writing hasn't gone anywhere this year. but i don't know if i didn't have the blog if it would make a difference. i seem to be suffering from general- let it go and forget it syndrome. i used to be much more passionate and obsessive. no, really. much more, than i am now. so there are things this year that i think i would've been able to express thru a story or something else and for some reason i haven't... or they just aren't bugging me as much? any theories? for instance- a friend i had for over 12 years accusing me of giving me a computer virus ON PURPOSE. i'm sort of innately bothered but not enough to really articulate it. Like wow, that's what she really thought of me all along, that i could do that. Trust is important to me. Add that one into the universal fucked-up calculator. Or somehow sabatoging my work environment so BMP wouldn't hire me back after InfernoI. Adding to the long list of work related disasters. Then there was that active and yet listless period of four months of joblessness, website creations, art, more work, exercise, mensa, archery... then that period of lots of praying for others and then not and then feeling out of a job all of a sudden... what else was there? stuff, i assume. it's been a good year. but i'm definitely in that transitional artist of something something phase... work with the director seemed to be pointing me in a good direction- i even let my application to the JET program for Japan lapse. i can't wait to see what sort of resolutions i come up with in a few days.