Channeling Freddy Mercury

It's finally happpened
happened
happened...

I am approximately 34 weeks pregnant, and in addition to swollen ankles, waddling, lack of balance, hellacious heartburn, categorical hatred of all clothes maternity, and a situation that is not hemorrhoids but is also too horrid to mention, my symptoms also include the simultaneous forgetting of all online usernames and passwords. And it is driving me f-ing batty.

How in the hell are we supposed to keep track, is what I would like to know. They're all supposed to be different when you create the accounts, and you're supposed to change them every now and then to prevent hacking--it's too much. I have to admit that for simplicity, most of my usernames and passwords are either the same or very similar--sometimes I'll just add a number here and there. But perhaps that is precisely the problem. All levels of human experience lately are blending into one another:
work days
sleepy nights
the baby's coming soon
I missed my mouth several times while eating
my weeble-wobbling brought me disastrously close to stepping on the dog's head in the middle of the night
eat a meal
avoid the spicy
get heartburn anyway
lay around with a million supportive pillows
yadda yadda
pay some bills
and that is where I am stuck.

In the past few days, I have been unable to log in to 4 separate online accounts. I have tried every possible combination under the gray sky to get into the accounts and just, for the love of all that is holy, PAY MY BILLS, and I cannot. And you know customer service, for your security, just won't help you out. And the online hints, should you correctly remember either the username and the password, well they're nuts, too. I can't remember when writing the answer to that hint, did I capitalize it? If the answer is a date, did I write it as 00/00/0000, 00/00/00, or did I get fancy and spell it all out. I want to write them down, but then that's not good. Perhaps I should mail the payment in this time, or try making a payment over the phone--but then next month, I will find myself in the same position, to be sure. And, I want to use my online accounts. Why? Well, because it's so EASY.

Ha
ha
ha
ha
ha.