Goodwilltoward WHO?

Oh Christmas!?

On most days i'm not a prevayer of goodwill or peace on earth and lately my heart has felt 30x too small. The day after thanksgiving my mom was doing some sort of happy dance and said, let's get the decorations out of the attic! For christmas? I said. When did it become Christmas? I blinked. And I've continued in this vein until perhaps yesterday... and even now I'm not 100% sure I'm out of it. I've been to a few venues where X-mas dec's abound and I look around with a wonder that perhaps the poinsetta and lights have always been up and this is just a sort "of themed" house. Like at the Wendy's in NorthPole, Alaska- where it is always, I repeat, always- christmas.

Also due to a severe lack of funds, and even imaginary plastic ones with high APR's maxed, I've stayed away from "malls", stores or anywhere in fact where one might purchase items for people. I feel lame that I haven't made a list for anyone or thought about mailing cards. But part of me just doesn't get it. Last night I handmade my own garland out of treeleaves and juniper and that feels pretty good. I dec'd the mantle and once our leaning tree of piza is righted and the lights done and the ginger ornaments made- i'll take pics to show you... and yet still-

Commenting on SH's blog reminded that I've been entirely too self-interested. Wake up. This isn't about me. It's about promoting all that crap you don't think about all year. Making the room beautiful for my mom just might make me happy and taking the time to actually spend time with her watching my obligatory fav's like: Nightmare Before Christmas and the Christmas Story- which I'm holding out on... along with the Muppets Christmas and a motely mix of other musical fair... it's about that. When i think about times that make me that rare warm and fuzzy feeling it's been about creating an experience for other people- whether inviting them over and thinking to put mint garnish in their desserts or opening all the windows and lighting a fire in the fireplace- by degrees my heart warms, and it really does "feel" like Christmas. And I haven't even begun to think about the baby jesus.

I guess when you don't have money or don't want to spend it- what's required of you is effort and time- which is something rare and extra-ordinary and can really not be gotten back- you just have to remember at the end of it there is something to give besides the next and best- it's yourself.