FIRED-

THE PRICK AND THE WANKER RULE THE DAY.

We'll call them that but their real names are Tim and Craig and they're horrible people. Oh wait, maybe they're just "mis-understood." They work for Backhill Productions which is a subsidey of Burton Snowboards. Granted, given my history with difficult people who don't like me, and there have been quite a few-these guys are a blip, especially since it's not about a grade, my salvation or whether an actor will perform that night without a box of his own kleenex. Can I talk them down?

Now to preface this you know that it hasn't been about love from the beginning. And I felt like a total tool until today for debating whether or not to continue bcs it's a job and it's money- and as we all know life is about those 2 basic things- and nothing else. My last day was suppose to be Wednesday- Wanker was surprised. But as you know I have mad loyalty to my director and the chance of working with him far outweighed the opportunity, but I decided to not leave them in the lurch and to keep going into next week at least.

But here is what they did... I told the wanker yesterday that I could continue and he said ending on Friday was fine. So today- I wave to the prick who seems to be in a bad mood, and I say Hi to the wanker as he opens his office- he mumbles hello. Nothing new here- this is standard operating procedure. They have treated me this way from the beginning!! But let's cut to the chase. The prick comes by my desk and says, I need these 3 things, I need to know where they are on the desktop. He proceeds to pick up a briefcase and slams it down to the right of me, searching for something, invading as they say- MY circle of trust. I say, slightly confused, okay, do you want me to forward these files to Uma- who is the prick's assistant, and is apparently taking over our job in addition to her own, bcs she doesn't have enough to do. Right.

Then the prick says, NO! It's so I can SIT HERE AND DO THE JOB YOU WERE SUPPOSE TO BE DOING FROM THE BEGINNING! SO YOU CAN LEAVE!" (ooo ouch!)

I say, "What? When?"

"RIGHT THIS MINUTE! I DON'T WANT YOU HERE. I WANT YOU GONE. I WANTED YOU GONE ON TUESDAY, BUT THE WANKER SAYS HE NEEDED YOU"(Keep In Mind my last day was suppose to be Wednesday, and he told me to talk to the wanker- he could've just said, okay that's fine. But let's continue...)"THIS HAS BEEN THEE MOST HORRIBLE EXPERIENCE IN ALL my 20 YEARS IN THE ENTERTAINMENT INDUSTRY. YOU JUST WALK IN LIKE YOU DON'T CARE. LIKE YOU DON'T GIVE A DAMN AND YOU LEAVE WHEN YOU WANT AND THE WANKER AND I ARE LEFT TILL 10 AT NIGHT."

At this point I interject very calm things like: Are you serious? If this was so much of a problem from the beginning I think you should've told me. Why am I just hearing about this now? You have my cell...?

He then continues the tyraid: AND YOU KEPT TALKING TO JULIE (the girl who placed the job post and who interviewed me and told me i was hired and who i thought was coming back to replace me. they ended up firing her passive aggressively on wednesday. the day before she was coming back to work) AND YOU KEPT TALKING TO JULIE! THAT'S THE MOST OUTRAGEOUS THING! THAT YOU'D HAVE THE NERVE TO TALK TO JULIE. SHE'S NOT YOUR BOSS. THE WANKER IS YOUR BOSS. THE WANKER HIRED YOU. NOT JULIE. (Apparently we conspired to ruin his life.)
YOU TAKE FOREVER TO DO THINGS- IT TOOK YOU 4 DAYS TO GET THE CALENDAR DONE AND IT STILL WASN'T RIGHT. YOU TOOK FOREVER TO GET THE CONTACT SHEETS...(Um, no. I'd expound to defend my honor, but let's keep going.)

At this point my hands are trembling. My face isn't flushed with rage or even in embarassment or any of the things that tie to being verbly assulted. But this is an odd thing that happens to me when I get ambushed. Usually though it's accompanied with outrage. I kept clenching them and shaking them off bcs clearly they had a mind of their own. And then I say the thing that I'm most proud of: "You do know that you have to pay me for today. Do you have a timecard?" As if nothing happened. Yes! I nailed it. CALM. Now true, I would've liked to say a lot more. I could've gotten abrasive and nasty. And as my friends who got "the phone call" will attest there was a litany of curse words attached to the incident, but I digress.

I said, "Well Prick, I have to say I think this is a communication problem. If it was such an unmitigated disaster and you were THAT unhappy-"

The prick backpeddles suddenly and says, well no, not an unmitigated disaster... he however picks up momentum again- blathers on about how he wants me to GET UP NOW, RIGHT NOW, GET UP AND LEAVE, I WANT YOU GONE!!! (I refuse to leave. You, never EVER, give up the higher ground. EVER! I stayed firmly put. I say, "You'll have to give me a minute. And I sat there and stared at him.) He stalks off and leaves.(I become very tempted with wiping out the harddrive. I delete some files. I stare longingly at the master contact list and calendar- I think I am not that evil... I can't. I won't. I've already won. I don't need a slaughter.

Then I went to get my timecard from the wanker and he says, what? why? I say, "Well Prick just fired me so i'm leaving." "Oh" he says. OH. That's it. I say, "I'll put this in the accountants office." "The office is open?" "Yes it's open." I take the timecard back to my desk, fill it out- put it in the office and shut the door. It's not open anymore you wanker. I turn off my lamp in a final gesture and walk briskly out of the office thru the side door. I wonder what it would've been like if the whole office had been there. Witnesses perhaps would've been best... but then again. So I drove off, shaking my head and smiling. Then I was at the gym beginning the phone calls of friends who can take it or at least the ones i know who can- and then guess who calls me- the wanker. And this is what he says, in the most matteroffact way, as if the prick hadn't just made a scene and fired me like an idiot- (No I didn't answer- this is just the message that I can now play over and over) "Hey, M, this is the wanker. Yah, Um, we need to get those files. So we can go ahead and send them out by the end of the day. So if you could call me. Lucky you- to have the day off." (WTF- are you serious?) I'll let it go. I can't believe it, but I'll let it go.

The whirl of thoughts going on in my head is one of bewilderment and yes, wry amusement. I drove this dramatic fuck to his worst moment in the industry in 20 years. Oh, Prick, Is that what you say to all the girls?

I mean think about it- most horrible experience in 20years... and all on my last day.

I bow with a flourish, quietly incline my head to the history of my life, where such incidents are already sketched and recorded upon the wall- and exit to my destiny.