Thursday, August 30, 2012


What can I say about this week really, except that I haven’t yet left the OTA meeting. Straggler. The cookies are stale, we’re going to have to work on that. And occasionally someone brews the coffee without grounds, or sets the machine to percolate without water. (Recurrent personal nightmares, truestory.) Again and again I fall into the trap of “What I am NOT” as opposed to being all “I AM – “ #intuitive #merciful #perceptive #clever #introvert #winning #awesomesauce #etc. The goal isn’t vanity or self-adoration, it’s merely acknowledging in myself what I acknowledge in others. It’s like my golden rule should be, “Do unto yourself as you do to others.” Or “value fantastic qualities in yourself as you do others,” really, because let’s be honest I’m not perfect when it comes to things like patience. (Wait, I just put myself down again, didn’t I. Damn.)

Sidenote: I love Australian TV and British TV too really, because there’s a general air of, Yes, life is shit in a lot of ways, but we accept this and we banter wittily about it and sometimes it gets us down for sure, but mostly we don’t dwell. Whereas our culture is all, WE MUST FIX EVERYSINGLEONE OF OUR TINY LITTLE PROBLEMS SO THAT OUR LIVES CAN BE ABSOLUTELY PERFECT. And thereby attain some nonexistent level of happy and shiny so we can brag to all our friends.

I do feel a little bit more in gear at this point over camping, acknowledging that I was always going to get it done, because I always do, and those extra days of stressing about it probably weren’t necessary. And then I tried to quit my leadership position yesterday because it was feeling like an albatross, but the response was bafflingly supportive and let’s talk about this some more and not at all what I presumed it to be. (Or still presume it to be, untrustingly?) And I realized that possibly the albatross was/is the aforementioned trap of self-sabotage...

Basically, it is time to camp.

I have discovered at least that one of my buoys is humor and I ought never to let it go. Also there are, as always, beautiful things. Like that tomato of purply gorgeousness, OMG SO TASTY. Colorful peppers. Surreptitious Netflix marathons. And the delight of perusing both old and new books for my library. Illustrations from the 40s and 50s ROCK, as do Lego reenactments of Bible stories. Among other things.

love to you and now BLOGalready ;) …


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