Friday, August 17, 2012

OK, weekend at Cafe Ti-amo.

Here I am. Obligatory beach rest. Lunch out. Coffee in. And coming up some more conveyor belt sushi, home and then to see what's on tv... of which maybe 3 channels are applicable. Ive had a grande latte so it should keep me going through any zoning out and time future lags that i'm experiencing here ahead of you.

I skyped with matt this afternoon and am reminded of being on the downward slope of my time here . Not to say there won't be another one- but by the time he gets here i'll have a volleyball tournament to look forward to, and then the dread of winter, then home? my current thoughts on that trend are percipitated by? influenced by a couple categories:

- Work!? Where do i find it!? Where do I look!? Where do I go!? When!? Ahhhh!
-LA is an X factor. You would not think so, and yet what if i am mired in the same bullshit i was for the three years proceeding this one? Will i regress? Will I gain back all the debt and weight? Will i slide back into the stupor before i decided on this adventure? (see above)
-Am i really fooling myself into thinking I can sustain something like teaching when i most likely am only being kept afloat because i have a sadistic need to challenge myself... ultimately i think there is some truth to this. I am most comfortable being around artists, being in art and working toward that end no matter how peripherally. I also like downtime. I need it. This go go go of teaching at this level is exhausting. Can i find a teaching/art/downtime gig?

-Here teaching jobs are a plenty.
-I would like to try teaching at the university level for the 2nd year. I hear it's possible. I don't know how and yet i think maybe? I ponder travel, then home, then trying again for a job at this level with a home stay of 6months to a year before i go out again... living on what? i don't know. Or do i just job search about now and see what comes up? (wouldn't hurt? i guess?) (+more time off, + more pay)
-I would even consider another hagwon try...
-Did i mention consistent regular pay?

Questions to God:
-Tell me where to hunt. (statement and yet still)
-Where is my provision? (more figurative and geographical)
-When will i inherit the land of my forefathers? (a little biblical but still-i'm a CA girl. and the question has everything to do with land and sustainability and the concept of being cast out and not being able to LIVE where i am HOME most.)
-Can I go home? (aka will there be work for me there or must i wander a bit more? or is this like perpetual? see:panic)
-Will the answer be as desisively displayed and executed like last time...? (pretty please). Ps: WHEN?!

Ok there was little to no zoning out. This coffee thing is working. I'm going to even blog one more time. Also- did you see... lists! m.

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