on this my last thursday of employment, hopes were riding high of soon to be employed again. however when my favorite EP's bread and butter are pessimistic about when that might be i became a deflated balloon drifting and limping against the wall, colored vaguely in bad flourescent lighting. And i hate dealing in a world of what ifs. what if the hole was patched, what if i got new helium infusions. what if we came back in november, but more likely it might be january. what if a miracle occured. what if bread and butter got another gig and let us run away with them. we've dropped enough hints and okay, overt statements to that effect. i will send my usual round of emails.
the concrete world of what IS : my job ends tomorrow. i do not know what the future holds. i have bills. it's really hot in the valley right now with my mostly non a/c'd assage. blah. in the world of what usually happens: i make lists, make art, panic, then find something eventually ... this is nothing new. but as usual i wish it'd turned out just a little bit different.
8 comments:
thanks for endorsing our shaky souls!
been totally racking my brain for something useful and not trite and stupid to say in response to this post, but i got only that i feel like i'm constantly there. and it blows. and it starts to get lame when people say, Oh it'll work out. because you want it to BE worked out. NOW. a week ago. so, i won't say it, but just wish you job choices galore and cool weather and ponies. xoxo.
Maybe you should cover some more desks with foil! That rocked.
Perhaps this will be the time it's different? And if not, well, the waiting place is crowded with all the rest of us, so come on in.
Do deflated balloons drift, or do they fall?
Oh, I hear you -- living in the land of "What If" isn't so comfortable for me, either. But then I think about all the times I thought I was in control, or knew what was going to happen next, and really... I never did. So, I'm getting comfortable with this not-knowing. Or at least, I'm attempting to make friends with it. I offer it wine, a little cheese, an encouraging pat on the back. We'll see what comes.
And I want to say very publically that I am very disappointed with you.
And you know why.
yes, yes... i'm getting there bruckner i promise!
thx q,ash and H.M...
i think the balloons that are deflating drift. then they sink. it happens together.
But you wrote 'deflated' not 'deflating.'
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