Though really it's just um like any other day- except that I've been working at the national bookstore chain for like 5 months. I really really can't tell you how my mind is sort of hazing out like it's a prison sentence.
1. Projects Not Getting Done:): Decorate Jacket with screenprinting like designs. 4 Paintings. 2 necklaces. 1 Quilt. 1 photo project. 5 clothing repairs. Countless clothing creations. Artroom organization... i try not to think too much about how this working thing is interfering with my life...My creativity lies in the wake of this all consuming master. (I am getting better at cheating it by degrees, I guess.) Pshaw, I GUESS. Gah!
2. Lately I've been struck with the idea that I want to wake up and not want to kill myself, go back to sleep, or loathe the idea of waking up for work. It's like an instant bitter pill- and i try to shake it off but i can't seem to wake up early enough in order to feel i have some semblance of a morning. It's like I'm back in junior high and the word TORTURE regularly surfaces. Who wants to think that way about their morning. And I can't weirdly figure out when to go to sleep- 7, 8, 9...
3. I'm dry. I don't know what the hell it is but my bra feels itchy, my underwear... my lips. I feel like i'm withering. At work it's a sweltering 77degrees in my section. Everything is coated in dust. The bottle of lotion is running low. My clothes are residing on me with reluctance.
4. I've hit a wall in my organizational ferver. Like I've done enough- the idea that an element of chaos has to remain in any ordered system. To achieve a balance of both to be aesthetically pleasing. I wish i could see my day this way.
5. Tea. My friends have been into a very victorian thing like high tea. i'm breaking out the china and the linen and the crystal this sunday- and it feels good. sometimes formality feels good and luxurious. like sometimes eating off plates that aren't paper is a good idea. and going an extra step to make what you eat or how you eat and socialize a beautiful thing. it's inspiring me in other aspects of my life- how deeply yet, i don't know- but just enhances my belief that i deserve to be and dwell in beautiful things- not to be fancy or have airs but to simply admit that i find it fun, decadent and completely necessary.
4 comments:
Maybe it's that damn time change. I'm just getting over it.
"i try not to think too much about how this working thing is interfering with my life..."
Dude, EXACTLY. I think about that every single day, right after the wake-up-and-panic moment. I tend to wake up in a sea of "oh FUCK," mostly because I've a) overslept and so will not be going to the gym, which makes for yet another say of sloth, or b) because I wake up and think about all of the stupid things I'm going to have to endure in the next ten hours of work when I could be doing something else.
I'm also with Kurt re: the damn time change. That hasn't helped matters, either.
Also, re: the dry thing: Cetaphil. Although you should def read Dooce's take on that first. (hee.)
What's your plan for the jacket decorating? I've been thinking of doing a shirt, but haven't decided how to approach it as I have neither the knowledge nor materials for screenprinting.
Waking up and feeling depressed about work? Yes, I know that feeling. If I wasn't so lazy I'd make a paper chain to count down the days left. Although who knows what happens after that.
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