so Now that

Yah, it's true. After the highs and lows of mulching the world seems boring. Less interesting even. I was going to dedicate a blog to cassaroles but i might stop midway disinterested- i will say however that there should be a delicate marriage of ingredients so that the contents don't over run the glue and vice versa. balance people. balance. heaping chunks of ham are not acceptable. it seperates from the glue and you might as well have ham on the side at that point.

besides that, which i told pen, i flipped out and gave myself bangs. I can't decide if that was a self destructive enterprise or not. rash maybe, but not totally incoherent. and my hair grows fast. that's a plus.

also i had this debate over email with someone regarding various traumas and things involving craft night and church, bcs such things are always related- and it made me flash back to constructing felt banners for church when i was like 11- felt grapevines are by far the best. and they haven't counter-pointed to my counterpoint. i hate that. i mean sure i like to have the final word but it's so very final. and why, when i debate am i paranoid about hurt feelings-- i don't know. they termed their response "rebuttle" so fair play right to take the gloves off? i can't decide. i'd like to think i crushed them with brilliant argumentation which some people call "overthinking" the issue but what i call beating them down until they can't argue their way out of the paper bag they're in. so hard to say.

i will have to think more on the issue and blog further about it. sometimes for instance people say- hey, there mendacious are you going over to XandY. and i say no. and they say, why? that's so unlike you. because dammit they know you. and somehow whatever flimsy excuse you had no longer holds, like i'm tired. I hate crafts, or any art related homage. and they blink at you. but it's not just them it's like 3 other people who have asked you the very same thing- so you have to be honest. and honesty can be complicated. so which would be the least complicated truth, while in reality it's many that came to being in deciding whether yea or nay? and one person accepts the 1st response and the 2nd person opens the messy nugget center and i have to lay all the irrational rational thoughts on the table. and that takes sorting through and involves perhaps erroneous information and then it makes you think about the validity of your own thoughts- checking and rechecking your argumentation, lest you get deducted for straw man arguments or the very juvinille ad hominem attack. and that's when the overthinking begins and that's why you cut your bangs at 11pm with no supervision or why you had 4 oranges in one day or are currently biting your nails and refusing to be productive. and that's where such things like good books or a marathon of law and order save you bcs you can believe in them and it doesn't matter so much if you're insane or have faulty arguments or whether "they" will ever respond, even though you're still waiting- at least, something else is filling up your head, barely but it's there- and you have a whole box of oranges to go through.