Wednesday, November 28, 2012


Conductive hearing loss? Oh my. It reminds me of trying to get thru to my students the other day. I realized their ears just tune english out. Tune me out. It's remarkable our ability to tune things out. But anyway, I woke up with that feeling that it was Wednesday and then I looked at the blog and suddenly there it was, I went holysh*t it's Thursday! Wahoo. Look at me tuning the passage of time out. It's possible. It can totally be done. And me with only 8 1/2 wks- 59 days to go.

And the blanket- how good does that feel!? It must. Nearly epic right?

Ok but back to me, i've been remiss too- Everyday i wake up since I guess saturday and it seems much the same, so what is there to say but i mean it's not as bad as treading water. The non-stick coating on  my frying pan is starting to wear down and as much as i thought i liked lady grey tea i reject the burgamont enough to go through my ceylon and e.bfst first. But i do note I don't need sugar with it. Since i have no desire to enhance the perfumy flavor. So there's that.

I have managed to sort of cook for myself too. And am enjoying my cathy clothes. I parted with my much loved and comfortable pairs of cargo pants. Sigh. And am breaking the new pants in which are loose too. But not that ive lost any more weight infuriatingly enough. Because now that i want it and am looking at it- nothing is happening again.

I'm boring myself now. I just listened to a sermon on prayer and it was just as uninspiring. Perhaps not meant for me. And i'm sure there's something in it for me somewhere. So that my heart doesn't just slump itself forward on the table and shrivel with unkindness.

The stories to tell here, the flashy easy ones- aren't mine to tell. (Like Ms awaiting biopsy results- though living parallel to me) Or just to complain that the students again were in disbelief i bought yogurt and fruit and not stacks of meat at the grocery, seems insignificant, fits into a longer story or a list of how a teachers heart either turned to ash or gold. Or how my delinquint classes continue to pass notes and try to get me to say bad words on the board like i'm an idiot and i just give them more homework and shake my head because they can't pull it together and wonder why collectively they have such a mean careless spirit. To describe how I gave this glowing swirling orb to God that seemed like the entirity of my capacity to love and that Jesus took it- and we are sitting there together looking at -- takes concentration to tell, and how it gave me some peace. Or how it took 11months but the russian curmudgeon offered me grapes in this jarring and abrupt way just yesterday thrusting them in my face- do you want some grapes- but that we might now, have a peace together that surpasses understanding. I guess some things can change. Here's hoping. and persevering and trusting. Even in only 59days or today. Right now. IN the present moment. And not tomorrow.

I have a bus to catch.


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