Saturday, November 3, 2012


ok i love pro run-allstars. but of course peach it's like you know- anyway. It’s like why?
and what else. and that first challenge was just heinous i felt.

this weekend was good. slightly restless, the kind of days that remind me it's good to rest but then also remind me that i have nothing to do here. And regret not bringing my jewelry supplies. Whatever!Self. Get over it. And if I come back then I think well? And then?

And i don’t know I’m a little freaked out by 2004 us. Like who are they?! Though you do look really cute... I’m not so sure of me, flashbacking on the hideous uniform and of course will always remember our kiefer encounter. OMG. I felt like such an asshole. And I didn’t mean it that way.

Today, someone asked if i thought teaching was a profession i liked and i still STILL can’t make up my mind. It doesn’t inspire me. It’s something I can do. But what flew out of my mouth after the uhhh, was, let’s be honest, i don’t want to work. (In the professional sense and then) I want to be a wife and a mom. I keep stopping there. And then i doubt that it flew out of my mouth, because it seems made up and maybe i'm just being counter-cultural. And i think about it for like an hour afterward. I mean i would settle for not working at all. I guess? And then? And so? And i add in the tag about the artist part- but it’s like i don’t want it enough. As we’ve brought up before I don’t feel any ambition brewing. Still. And motherhood shouldn’t really be an answer to that. And then going through life with this attitude leaves me thinking i really will be an expat on some island somewhere fucking around for the rest of my life... but more like I’m skipping out on debt and I’ve changed my identity. I feel slightly pathetic? And ok, nervous. Not trusting. I’m sure God has something more interesting planned. Right? Like even at the end of office space that guy found some peace and he was all, fuckin’ A. And it all ended ok. If I can go to Vietnam with Jesus I can certainly find the rest of the way with Him also. I just need to remember that. I live in a different world and a different place that won’t be conformed to anybody or anything even if i really want it to.

Anyway i'm going to go sit in somehotwater and zone out somemore and then watch some tv or listen to that audiobook that cath put on DB. Tomorrow... work. Maybe i'll go for a hike up the oerum or I dont know. My next question is about getting a wardrobe handmade for me in vietnam and if i should wait to buy underwear of buy it now when i have a job. So far that's the sort of list i have going.



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