#14, Habba

Right so, let's get back on the train penolin. I feel our mutual harassment of each other waning. And i notice some day gaps that went unobserved, and you know how i appreciate wry commentary and photos superimposed with pithy captions. I'm at the coffee place. It's exceptionally good today. I suspect made with love. Or at least she seems happy, because sometimes so sad or overworked seeming. Also I'm wearing clothes that fit me, courtesy of our bestie cath. Pants that fit, tops that fit. It's pretty lovely. I may even climb mt. halla since my pants wont fall down. Conquer that extinct volcano just to say I did. The usual.

And not to drastically switch topics but just a day or two ago, it's confusing from the future, Daphne was born. They are going to be formidable sisters is all I know. FORMIDABLE. The scorpio and the aries. Nevermind the ridiculous D, D, D, D naming. Daphne and Delilah. Good Lord. Novels are written about such parrings. And just now my Grandma died. Such is the pull of time and the internet informing me. In the past what? How many days would pass of both letters coming toward me across the land and sea. As a joy replaces a sorrow or the two so close together just stand in contrast. And isn't that what books are made of really. I don't know if my grandma got my last two postcards since the first one was the most important thing to say- about the Glory of God and the coming of Christ. She got that one. Dad said she liked it? The 2nd was pondering life, a Rilke poem: are we falcons, are we storms are we the great and beautiful song- I need to send you the translation i have. It's lovely. The 3rd was about reaching eternity:  Time is rushing toward me, at the waters edge, the clouds sweep over of all the infinite places my mind and heart have gone- we have traveled far but cannot stop here- and the water- a road to the horizon- behind me, my life lived- before me, unfathomable (endless, deep) on the brink. I step. It will hold me. I will keep walking- to the hills, just beyond the dark road, to warm and welcome. I say to myself, yes, then i will rest, and the Lord will tell me all the ways in which he loved me- keep walking- I know that much.   

What else is there to say. I don't know. I didn't really know my grandma and I think everytime she saw me she saw judgement. I radiate it for good or bad for people who need convicting regardless of how much i smile or what i talk about. And possibly everytime she thought of me too I stood in inditement of her choices. Perhaps I was the argument in her head- maybe i'm placing myself too highly. I don't know. But I'm glad I was able to at least find something to say before she died. Time and distance. And then there's my grandfather to think about. He's the last elder I never knew.

And not to swing back to the here and now- but there's another what must be a regular. She never stays long but she wears these lovely grey wools, and has this amish looking cap she wears and a very subdued but colorful scarf and brown leather boots. She's fashionable in a quirky, home praire referential way and i love her quiet observing eyes and her pea colored quilted coat she wears. She's not quite the normal jeju-ite.

Anyway todays prayer before work,

Lord, today let me walk and be assured of your love and care for me. Let that sense of place and safety radiate to a gentleness and discerning eye for my students, and for compassion for those I work with and for. Put time in its proper place Lord. Don't let it run riot over my mind and heart. Let the proportioned hours be in their place and go by with peace and clarity and without grumbling fatigue.

;...

ok penolin, that's all for now.
xo,m.