the sound of... whatever's on mtv

"Until more research is done about the effects of TV on very young children, the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) does not recommend television for children age 2 or younger."

For more on this, and other reasons to feel bad about yourself, please see here.

As K.Lo becomes more aware, I have tried (I have) to cut back on my TV viewing. I've taken audiobooks out of the library, I've started listening to more music, I read. But I have to say... after weeks and months of this, I still feel like something's missing. It's like, too quiet around here. Even when I read, I kind of like the TV on in the background, just because. And the audiobook thing is cool and all, particularly when it comes to Harry Potter, and it's great for escaping into a story while accomplishing something. A craft, or cleaning, or whatever. But for the most part, if the TV's not in the background, even if I'm in another room, I kind of feel like... depressed.

This all started in college. I watched TV when growing up, sure. I watched The Cosby's and Seinfeld, and 90210, and way before all that I watched Electric Company, Sesame Street, and 3-2-1 Contact. I watched Pee-Wee's Playhouse and Saturday morning cartoons. (After these messages...We'll be right back.) Whenever I could get away with it, I watched Nickelodeon and the show with the slime--You Can't Do That On Television. But I also did lots of other things. I checked out stacks of books from the library and plowed through them all. I played kickball and pickle and caught frogs in the pond. I think I was your pretty average kid, and I don't feel like TV took away from the "enriching" experience that childhood is supposedly supposed to be. If anything, it added to it.

My first two years of college, I had about the weirdest fucking roommates I could have been paired with. The first girl owned tight Lee jeans in every color of the rainbow, called me THe Yankee, and changed her voicemail all the time to different versions of, "I'm out huntin' men." The second girl was a Bible Beater (I mean like, the bad kind) who sang opera and wore old lady perfume. It was lose-lose until I met my third roommate, who actually became a good friend and stayed as my roommate through senior year.

But I'd still get lonely. My college was huge, and I've always had trouble connecting with people, being socially retarded and all of that. That's just me. So the TV is like, there. I don't know why, just having it on kind of soothes that gnawing edge of silence, the edge that makes you think just a little too much. The part of silence that makes you feel sorry for yourself. When I lived in Chicago, I ate dinner every night with The Golden Girls. When I was in grad school, Felicity got me through, man.

At this point, keeping the TV on is just habit, but a habit that, quite frankly, makes me feel better. Better than I have been, listening to the sound of refrigerator hum. It makes me feel more like me, just doing how I do, which puts me in a better mood for, guess who? K.Lo.

I think it's whatever makes you happy, whatever's you. It's just, me being naturally inclined toward guilt, I tend to internalize nasty little warnings like those above, issued by the freaking AAP, for cripes sake, and they eat at me. Like my kid's going to turn into a zoned out, unthinking couch potato if this continues. Sorry, but no. I think she'll be quite well-rounded, thank you. With a little luck, anyway. Now if only she'd eat her green beans.