loser baby

I've noticed lately that I don't pay as much attention to my own appearance, i.e. clothes, hair, etc, these days. I just don't think about it as much--not like I was ever a hot sexy and well-dressed bitch, but I used to, I don't know, check myself in the mirror more often, shop for new clothes on a regular basis, and...care? It can't be a good thing that I don't think about it much anymore.

I don't know if this is part of being a new parent, i.e. my persistent state of distraction, or if it's that I've been officially out of paying work for a year now and don't need to dress up regularly, or maybe it's my age, like I've self-actualized out of caring so much? (Ha.) Or is it my state of mind. It seems like I've finally crept out of that post-grad school purgatory where you want to slit your wrists all the time because the real world is like, low-paying and no fun. Maybe the low budget and lack of me-earned paychecks has finally hit home and thus inspired my lack of interest in the clothes racks at Old Navy and Target. It's just not even an option anymore, really, unless there's something I really "need," and I certainly have enough clothes crammed into my closet and drawers to get through and not feel like a total frump.

There is a line, a Frump Line, that I do refuse in most instances to cross. That's got to be a positive. And I still hate when my hair needs to be cut; for instance the past week or so I've noticed these dumb sticky-uppies in certainly places along my hairline, and I'm like, where the eff did those come from, and why can't they be tamed by product. (And I do still use product--cheap product, but product nonetheless.) But then--whereas Before I might not have settled until the sticky-uppies learned their proper place on my head--I now just try for a second to smoosh them down onto my head and then when it doesn't work, I'm like, whatever, Igottamoveon.

I have another theory that even if I could buy new clothes as often as I used to, I wouldn't know what the hell to buy. Because a) why--where am I going that's so special? and b) my body's still recovering from the baby, or something. It's not that I'm still a size-up--I am, on some things, and not on others. I'm working on it... It's just that nothing seems to fit quite "right," even if it's the correct size. Nothing lays right--shirts are too short, too tight, not tight enough; jeans are too baggy and too tight in all the wrong places. I just kind of go with the Best of the Ugly and try not to think about it too much.

And then there's rediscovery of old items previously shoved to the side for Another Day. Another Day has apparently arrived, and again--good, bad? Frugal, smart, or totally checked out of society in the manner of George Costanza and his sweatpants. Either these old sweaters and shirts and pants and things have gained new life from being unworn for so long, or I'm just so pleased that something sorta fits. Or I'm too oblivious or preoccupied to care.

I guess I'm just kind of worried I'm going to hit that age or stage where you wear what you've got in your closet Right Now, what's popular/trendy/acceptable at this point in time--but then never progress. Like that subset of women and men who still wear mullets? And stonewashed denim, oversized eyeglasses, and really poofy scrunchies? It's like they took up permanent residence in 1986 and didn't notice that the world continued to evolve around them. And you know these people go out shopping, they're inundated with the media just like the rest of us. It's not like we all have to be cutting edge, but for pete's sake--they know that stuff is out of style. Hair, clothes, everything. And some serious effort has to be put into finding more of it.

And you know, you also have to dress your age. At a certain point, even if they're in, short-short skirts and shorts on a girl=not cool. Don't do that. And I'm sure someday when I'm a grandma, I'll be putting on comfy track suits with the rest of them. But in the meantime--What to Wear, What Not to Wear. Paging Stacy and Clinton... except not really, because how mortifying. I just don't want to ever qualify for one of their hidden camera sting operations. Although, the ginormous shopping spree and trip to NYC, that'd be nice...