must find the time to say more,

hi friends. look at these two ladies. they make me happy. i met them both in chicago in the same year.

and now of course i thought they both had blue eyes... like a grey blue. maybe. but no. they both rather vehemently asserted that after 10+years of knowing them that no, no, we have GREEN EYES! whoops. of course i feel they've been lied to their entire lives but whatever. Green. Ok. How can I argue with those faces. i did admit its my narcissism that keeps me from believing them. there's a whole range of blues and greens- what we're talking about is being aware of nuance. but anyway it is perhaps because we have most of our friendship on paper as i had about 2ish years with cath and almost a year with pen. my two far away penpals. but i can only blame their lack of sending me pictures so much. i hang my head in shame. light sage maybe? i know they both have blonde hair though as they get older they argue with me more about the color it's turning. strangely i had a dream about accidently dying my hair blonde just last night. hmm.

i do like though that friendship is a constant discovery and because we haven't spent years asking every question of one another, surprising things come out even if we're just blinking at one another or yelling at one another from opposite rooms. i met them both when i was a grad student in chicago. cathy was working at borders with me and would come up and give me hugs in the kid section. it was as if i had always been her neighbor. she obviously gets high points for having been raised in southern california. we speak a similar language. penelope would sit in our seminar class and not say a word. 4 at least six months. unnerving but powerful. as i would always give her sideways glances and ponder her mysterious ways. and even then we were reading each others stories literally from day to day, so it translated quite nicely when email after email we built something lovely out of inanimate and electronic objects. words. circuitry. fused by snark, anxiety, and poetry.

i'm not sure what i would do without these women. sometimes yes i do think they might be figments of my imagination. but luckily i am reminded that i am not that creative. but mightily blessed.