allo allo

Welcome to the summery days of little peace. Last night K.Lo had a sleepover and I was smart this time about ending it early today on a good note, rather than dragging it out to the point of (my) insanity. They always wake up a little off-kilter and before you know it, not only is the puppy across the street with her eff-you-I-can't-hear-you ears on, but one child is being bopped by another with an inner tube and screaming ensues. Be kind, people, be kind. And wear shoes while bike-riding, and a helmet too. 

I feel like it's been forever since my last correspondence, although I continue to write you letters in my mind and wonder why you don't receive them. Have we not worked out all the bugs in our telepathy program yet? They keep landing in your eyes, I think! The dead ant was horrifying, by the way, and the whole peach-picking attack. What an insult! Kind of like the epic battle with fruit flies I've been fighting in both the kitchen and my car, not to mention the miniscule ants and that terrible winged thing I saw by the sink this morning. Oh, July. 

I'd say it's my least favorite month, and maybe it is, but not really. There' are always silver linings, such as an almost anonymous ninja's visit! Which rocked. Although I hope we weren't too grumpy for her. J.Lo's sciatic nerve is fully pinched and its pain and inconvenience continue to radiate through all of us. However, we all enjoyed a lot of downtime and some driveway fireworks along with water balloon target practice. And some mini-tours through town. 

The white and purple calla lilies are blooming and the brown-eyed susans have unfurled. But don't clip those and arrange in a pitcher, as they will soon become wilty and sad. Not unlike myself in the humid-blanket-like heat. We're drawing straws on who gets to mow the front yard (I think I lost). I'll be taking care of that at dusk. 

Also my shipment of succulents (THANK YOUUUUU!!!) has taken up temporary home on the back pork, where they're growing roots before planting. I have a location all picked out, on the previously overlooked side-porch, although I might have to play puppy police there for awhile. Because some furry creatures have destructive agendas toward new plantings. Their names rhyme with Loafie, even though she is anything but. 

I haven't been Listening. I know. I'm not sure it's for me, like I can't help feeling like I'm playing on a Ouija board, though I know you'd completely disagree. But my mind just can't accommodate its possibilities at the moment. Too full. Too worried. To which you'd say, duh, it's the perfect time then. But I have to go about it in my own way, right now. (Uh-oh, I can already hear you railing in response!) 

But I do feel like, in spite of my resistance to the marriage book, I'm learning some things or absorbing some ideas anyway, about love. The daily work of love-as-action, in spite of what you're feeling. Important not only as a spouse, but as parent, friend, teacher. And yet sometimes so hard to execute... 

I hope you spot your fish soon, little pelican. Let's phone-chat soon! 

xoxox

pen

goodness

chocolates. my favorite kind. from a northern chocolatier, which makes them taste even better.

n.lo’s new preschool folder. bright, happy. may his experience there be as such.

k.lo’s kindergarten folder. quickly filling. also bright, happy. full of knowledge. just like her.

candle with epically lovely wax spillage. formed during a viewing of better off dead.

up to season 1, disc 2. this is happening.

latest book club selection. my pick. meeting: sept 16, on the back porch.

stack of unread cook’s illustrated, provided by much-loved relative.

text photo of ew magazine, provided by friend. love exists there. I canceled my subscription, which hurts. but fall tv is coming, and that is good.

must find the time to say more,

hi friends. look at these two ladies. they make me happy. i met them both in chicago in the same year.

and now of course i thought they both had blue eyes... like a grey blue. maybe. but no. they both rather vehemently asserted that after 10+years of knowing them that no, no, we have GREEN EYES! whoops. of course i feel they've been lied to their entire lives but whatever. Green. Ok. How can I argue with those faces. i did admit its my narcissism that keeps me from believing them. there's a whole range of blues and greens- what we're talking about is being aware of nuance. but anyway it is perhaps because we have most of our friendship on paper as i had about 2ish years with cath and almost a year with pen. my two far away penpals. but i can only blame their lack of sending me pictures so much. i hang my head in shame. light sage maybe? i know they both have blonde hair though as they get older they argue with me more about the color it's turning. strangely i had a dream about accidently dying my hair blonde just last night. hmm.

i do like though that friendship is a constant discovery and because we haven't spent years asking every question of one another, surprising things come out even if we're just blinking at one another or yelling at one another from opposite rooms. i met them both when i was a grad student in chicago. cathy was working at borders with me and would come up and give me hugs in the kid section. it was as if i had always been her neighbor. she obviously gets high points for having been raised in southern california. we speak a similar language. penelope would sit in our seminar class and not say a word. 4 at least six months. unnerving but powerful. as i would always give her sideways glances and ponder her mysterious ways. and even then we were reading each others stories literally from day to day, so it translated quite nicely when email after email we built something lovely out of inanimate and electronic objects. words. circuitry. fused by snark, anxiety, and poetry.

i'm not sure what i would do without these women. sometimes yes i do think they might be figments of my imagination. but luckily i am reminded that i am not that creative. but mightily blessed.

To My Good Friend Sarah, by M

To think we didn't like each other when we first met. I can't tell you how awesome this girl is... cuz she's that awesome. I made this for her before I left and her latin phrase is: Alis Volat Propriis, meaning "She flies with her own wings". Because to me she is a creature cut from precious stone, unique, fierce, full of truth, wisdom and a little magic. And she is alike no other. So you know, I found it a little difficult which direction I should go, this girl of orange and green, cool and warm... but that's her I think, down to the mysterious white bunny covered in blue paint. Fly my friend, fly-fly-fly.

I need to leave more often, by M

I haven't felt so warm and fuzzy since the great winter warming of '88. Leaving was the best christmas present. I have all these awesome friends giving me travel things, and saying goodbye and it just reminds me to appreciate each and everyone of them. You guys frickin rock and blow me away!

Baby, by M

danica's patron saint: st. frideswide. a strong, take no-nonsense, truth touting woman of god.

My friends Cath and Penelope bore up admirably under all this baby shower talk, as did Grain of Sand and AA. I didn't blog about it much as the Mom to Be reads the blog... only cryptic references to trips "downtown"... I myself didn't really see the object, just the end result of my planning. So when I saw pictures of Danica getting misty-eyed or touched by sentimentality- I went oh yes, something actual and emotional is happening here. I was so tired from all the prepping, buying, executing of said event it hadn't really occurred to me. As I was thinking always: we were doing this for Danica. And since I've missed out on both of Penelope's kids- she has 2 so she tells me, and they're quite life-impacting I don't really get that all first hand. So I imagine that I view Danica's impending life changing event in quite the same removed light. What over there, happening to you? What's that about? I have no idea! Plus when Danica and I get together it's mainly story and not so much with the feeling of things. So I didn't even really write her a card to make her cry or wrap a gift so difficultly she had to use directions to get it open, or anything... But then well, the event, I suppose was the gift for her, but not for the bambina... and at that I can only hope she doesn't get too sucked into the moms circle. Though I suppose every mom needs one. Penelope really would know better than I. I can only conjecture at some of the moms at the party, and look at them and think, I don't want to be that kind of mom, maybe this kind of mom, or ... what? Who knows. But nevermind, that's all for another blog post. I just feel checked out about the mom-to-be thing. I can only hope my mom-friends don't mind too much. I care. Mostly. I really do. But I'll be able to relate there if our roads ever meet. Here's the result:mom-to-be, danica, awesome friend wendy, myself and my $10 Ross dress, with crosage, diva'fied and co-planning maven joanna. (above) and i have them all mostly hard at work making flower lapel-pins etc. some of the people did not make flowers. i secretly cried and tried not to be offended... but hello, these sorts of craft epiphanies don't come on too often. capitalize!

look at all those splashes of fabulous red. my goal was for the women to be the flowers amidst the sea of calm by deep mediterranean waters sort of thing. $1 a yard fabric. You cannot beat. $30 for the overhanging fabric. $25 for the tablecloths.

co conspirators- her sister, autumn, joanna, myself, tricia (the most excellent chef who made honey/ginger sorbet!, bruchetta etcetcetc.)

$50 on flowers- pretty good for 2 large bouquets, 5 table centerpieces-- basically 4 elements: thistle which i'm in love with, hoighty white china mums, dahlias and loveliesbleeding.

a lovely place.
joanna's backyard.
for a most lovely and deserving friend.
not that all my friends aren't deserving.
but here's to you danica.
you fabulous
person
you.

Fall Splendidness

Ah, yes. Another adventure at Balboa Lake. Man made, but not unglorious full of interesting birds and rogue packs of geese. We biked the perimeter of the park, and topped it off with speeding thru sloped tunnel areas and stretching on the grass. A perfect saturday. One might almost say idyllic as we chatted and wended our way... discussing politics to why there's a park in the middle of the san fernando valley. I say, thank god for friends and flood plains.

mendacious: an astrological BIRTHDAY salute

My dear friend mendacious has a birthday today. Happy Birthday, m! With your travels and dreams and goals, it's set to be a banner year in the world of mendacious. To celebrate you today and the complex, intriguing, badass, artsy, FUN, unwavering person and friend that you are, I offer you and BlogNation a detailed look, ripped from various sites on the Intra-web, at the true mendacious: Sun in Taurus, Moon in Scorpio, Taurus rising. Love you, friend! xoxox, pen

SUN IN TAURUS: 

You are sensible, loyal, materialistic and possessive. You  have strong values and nothing can change your mind.  The  word stubborn doesn’t begin to describe your attitude once you  set your mind to something.  Nobody can make you do  anything, unless you want to.  You like to think of it as being  patient, and you are, but you are the most stubborn sign in the  zodiac.  [Hee.]

Actually you tend to take a perverse pleasure in being stubborn  and thwarting others.  You are not flighty and it takes some  time to gain your interest in things, but once you are, you are  devoted.  [Yup.] This can extend to ideas, people and material  possessions.  This can lead you to be very possessive, jealous  and selfish of what you are devoted to.  You love your luxuries.  You take great sensual pleasure in most of your undertakings.   Although your not the type to sweep anyone off their feet, you  have a definite romantic side- more of a wine and dine and  seduction-after-dinner style. [Yowza!]  You probably have never  experienced love at first sight, but once you love, it is a deep  and steady love and usually lasts forever.

You make a fantastic loyal and steady friend, lover, parent or  whatever you put your mind to.  You are slow to anger, taking  most things in stride, but once you do get mad- watch out  world.  [Oooo.] The home is very important to you because it offers you  stability- a place where you know just everything and how it will  be.  You don’t like to change and sudden things tend to upset  you. You like what is comfortable and familiar.  Security is  important to you and thus so is money.  [Money, schmoney.] In these matters you  are very practical and can save up money with seeming ease.   You are generous with loved ones, but when you don’t like  someone it is as if they don’t exist at all. [Hee hee, I like that one.] To you they don’t  because they have no value.  You can be judgmental.  
The lessons of a Taurus is to learn not to make value  judgments on others.  You tend to see value only in a material  way, ignoring the more spiritual aspects of life.  [Well, I don't see that, but okay. Clearly we're not foolproof here.] Other lessons of a Taurus is to respect other peoples will and to recognize  that love is not about possessing another person.  

MOON IN SCORPIO

While others may find security and comfort in material things, Moon in Scorpio people seek out emotional intensity. No matter what, there is something very intense about Lunar Scorpios. They are diggers when it comes to the world of emotion--they can see beyond facades and cut right to the core of a person. [Ha! So true.] This ability to "see" what isn't obvious to the rest of the world can be intimidating to others or wildly attractive, depending on the audience. 

Their deep-seated need for transformation and rebirth can manifest itself in the lives of Lunar Scorpios in different ways. Most have powerful, emotionally intense lives. Some feel like it is beyond their control -- these natives seem to attract emotional upheaval, and their lives appear to consist of plenty of dramatic ups and downs. However, when accepted as an emotional need, rebirth and change doesn't need to be so dramatic and overwhelming. In some way or the other, Moon in Scorpio natives seek out intense experiences. [Central America! 28 days!] If their lives are regular in any way, there can be an unconscious need to test their own strength and stir up emotional excitement. Self-awareness and acceptance is probably the best way to handle this deep need for emotional drama. [Word.]

Doing things halfway or having meaningless relationships simply doesn't fulfill them. Lunar Scorpios want all or nothing. [Yes.]

Moon in Scorpio people often have a strong fear of betrayal. They seek out commitment, and feel the need for a partner to give up something for them. Some will put the people they love through a series of tests, and these are not always conscious. [Wait--wha?] Their apparent suspicion can be trying for the people who love them. However, once committed, Moon in Scorpio people can be the most loyal and protective partners around. [Mm-hmm. Agreed.]

Even the shy ones have enormous presence. Their lives are emotion-driven, yet many Moon in Scorpio natives spend a lot of time controlling and mastering their emotions. Their intuition is enormous, although it is sometimes self-serving. 

Moon in Scorpio people radiate strength. [Yuppers.] Even in the absence of experience, they seem to "just know" things. It would be difficult to shock or scare away Lunar Scorpios in the face of emotional honesty and power. Some people instinctively want to lean on them, and other less brave folk run a little scared. [Don't run guys! Stick around, it's worth it!] Lunar Scorpios have exceptional "radar" that allows them to size up a situation--and a person--quickly and expertly. This ability to understand human motivation and nature can be too close for comfort for some, and enormously comforting for others.

Many Lunar Scorpios are intelligent and astute. Those that use their enormous powers for intimacy and honesty are the happiest, and they make the most interesting and rewarding friends and lovers.

TAURUS RISING

Keywords: Impatient, Tactile, Opportunistic, Wants beauty and value, Appreciates all the senses

Slow, steady, and capable are adjectives that we can safely attach to individuals born with a Taurus Ascendant. These natives have tremendous stamina and staying power. They're often quite loyal to those they care about. Although they generally don't come on strong, they have personal presence; and they fairly radiate stability.

The sign on the Ascendant generally reveals how people start anything new. Taurus, by nature, is resistant to change. It can be difficult to sway Taurus rising natives--they're often rather stubborn and fixed in their ways. Their first responses are to feel things out, not in the way a Pisces might attune to their environment [wha?], but in the realm of the five senses. [Yup, yup.] They have well-developed sense of smell and touch, and respond to the material world. Theirs is a practical approach to life. Security is one of their foremost considerations before undertaking anything new.

Taurus rising natives are often quite cautious and careful. With a fixed sign on the Ascendant, they are not known for their flexibility. Rather, they possess determined single-mindedness. [No...]

More than most, Taurus rising prefers the "good things" in life. Self-indulgence can be a weakness for many with this Ascendant. Often collectors in some way, Taurus rising natives place a lot of value on their material possessions.

Taurus rising individuals prefer to dress in quality clothes with a comfortable feel to them. They are rarely ostentatious in their presentation. Many have strong and sturdy physiques.   

Often rather possessive in partnership, these natives won't easily break up their relationships. Although they are not particularly jealous, they view their partners as their personal property. [Huh! That's funny.] Intensity and loyalty are especially important to Taurus rising natives. [Yes.] These are highly sensual people who prefer the comforts that a one-to-one, stable partnership offers. Although Taurus rising individuals value harmony and calm, their partnerships may be on the passionate side.

Taurus rising natives are often very comforting to be around. They have a stability about them that is soothing, and an inner harmony that is attractive.  [Awww. So true.]

HAPPY 32!

you guys ROCK. (for heaven's sake!)

So, like every time I do a negative friendship post, I seem to inspire feelings of paranoia in my dear, lovely, sweet, cool friends? It's so sad! I'm only philosophizing out loud, and trust me, if it were you, you would totally know. Wouldn't you? No, you would totally pick up on the cues, because you are not oblivious. I hope I show enough that I'm appreciative of our friendship. I hope I'm not so passive aggressive that we would break up over a blog post. The person or persons I speak of don't even read this blog. And anyway, in spite of my snarky shell, I am just not a Mean Girl! And I love and appreciate my friends. My blogger pals, my playgroup cohorts, my writers' group, my email buddies, my fellow neighborhood mamas. My girls who live here in Wilmy, and those who have moved away but have kept in touch. My mendacious out in Cali. The gals I've never even met in person. I love you all! You are absolutely invaluable to me and my everyday experience. The humor, the snark, the sweetness, the advice, the idea exchange, the support, the stories, the outings, the endeavors, the (mis)adventures. I'm totally giving a sickly-sweet pseudo Oscar speech here, but I totally mean it. Invaluable! Love you! Would never break up with you through a blog post! That is all. xoxo, pen.

Mendacious Apparel

As we all know I have a very detailed book on all my friends. Why they annoy me, certain phrases and topics to avoid while in their presense, how many years they've been in my service, what I like about them, how many presents I've failed to give them... and on rare occassions a row of gold stars for service above and beyond.

Amber is one such well documented friend. There was a small incident of not speaking to her for a year but I have hopes that we'll last at least another 10years before another meltdown. (detailed recordings to be found in the book). She's going to vote for Hilary for instance. Yikes. And she's nearly a socialist on some things and a despot in others, but luckily a sharp wit and the same sense of logic and sisterhood are the ties that bind. She is one of the best, 'hang out and just live' friends I've ever had. I can very easily talk to and or see her every day and only want to kill her every 5th day or 95th hour, depending. Anyway she borrowed some paint clothes and devoted 12+ unflinching uncomplaining hours. She just willingly unbegrudgingly toiled away with me. And then came over the next day to finish the job. I can only hope we continue to rise together to the calling of sister. And she totally knows I'll have to help her move now, again, when she does, again. I am such a sucker. Amber and I having been friends for so long, makes it easy. Because she's become family and understands and wants to aid me in my restoration of the house, my need for a job, my projects, my desires...in such a casual dead on way when offering help, advice or a sarcastic remark.

I don't really like asking people for help, and I usually prefer to plod along the field, and if others join me I'm contented. If not, I am sulky but still I rarely impose. I need to get better at asking for help and unbegrudgingly giving it to others. But it comes with time I think and a certain inclination. Once my friend Wendy (who I've known since kindergarten) was over and we were 11 or 12 and I had to wash the dishes before I could play. I asked her to help me and she said no. At the time I must've been shocked and didn't have the tier level grading system in place, or she wouldve been downgraded immediately. But at the time I was impressed she actually stood up to me, but in another I remember her saying, I have to do that all time time too. And I think that's what stuck with me the most. I hated washing dishes. Why would I want to subject anyone else to the same thing.... etc. Except you see, we both wanted the same thing, to go play. Why wouldn't a friend want to help you achieve that end? You can see, it's all post-traumatic even stress and what not.

Anyway GrainofSand came over on what turned out to be another ill-fated car weekend, and on my dad's bad recollection at that- as in a 40min +gas and time drive over the hill for the mechanic to be closing at 1 instead of 4 as my father stated. Tragic. She came in despite the bad start to the day as a pinch hitter and did some spackling and saved my life on 2 of the windows and the meticulous trim. Because really that's what takes the longest and is oh so annoying. She is also wearing some improvised mendacious approved painting clothes. She and Amber have some errily similar attitudes toward things, both not liking strangers, have mostly reddish hair, and a strong sense of justice, as well as the very specific need for strict hygenie rituals which I ignore, and fair skin.

My life is richly rewarded because they're in it. And for that I thank thee. (Thee meaning them.) But if you're reading this and a friend I thank thee too. Special merit badges to anyone who has helped me paint, sand, build, level, dig, demolish, tidy, move straighten or haul anything.

The end result foth coming... in photos.

Social, by M (bonus post)

Usually I'm pretty reluctant to go places and do things, that I have no interest in, but sometimes without warning I've agreed to too many things I do have interest in. It's an all or nothing sort of thing. Saturday I embraced the do everything, anywhere, in an all out leisure adventure. First hiking with GrainofSand, and Amber. She says, that reading the blog would be like getting a recap on what she's already experienced, so she doesn't, since I tell her most everything. She's like the more snarkridden, more sarcastic, critical, more pragmatic, less artistic, more driven conservative side of me, who also watches bad movies and is less adventurous with food.;) But anyway she powered us up the hill at a fabulous place but did not enjoy the flowers by the narrowed path, or how the valley stretched below, or how the cool mist ascended on us but it was a good time. As Sarah humored my musings about the flowers and the weather and was slightly less annoyed by the dogs then Amber... So then, Danica made tea for me. I have fabulous friends. There's no denying. We watched prehistoric birds at the Arboretum, observed all the cherry and fruit tree blossoms, got misted on and walked and walked and walked and did not feel the time past one bit. Then Kerry called me and I made way to meet her at the Opera. Free tix yo. They're having a series called, Recovering Voices, of artists who were "repressed" during the Nazi regime. Pretty interesting, and a fairly entertaining evening. Though at first Kerry didn't think I'd be interested. I'm like girl?! do you KNOW me! I go to the symphony and do other slightly pretentious things all the time. She thought though that I didn't go out at night and somehow aligned my disinterest in one activity as a broad hatred of all activities. No, just things I'm not interested in. I think that's pretty common. There's a balance between friends pushing your 'what you like' boundaries and finding things in common to do together, or doing things just because you want to spend time with them. Obviously. I am constantly tormented by this balance. When to be a recluse, when to grasp at activities, when to say, hey let's do it because I know it's important to you... being okay with saying no, but not alienating, sometimes the perfectionist side of me says, You're going to stay home and watch tv and not worry about any of it... and then the other says, You're gonna do it all and right now. But when, and how to fit it all in I don't know. But at least this day I can say was a success- everyone working together, being in the moment and enjoying life race by one minute after the next. Exhausting.