As I had,

just today thought my dog Bodo was on the verge of death. Turns out he might just be dizzy. Mom and dad just took him to the vet. And they're keeping him overnight. I see this as an highly appropriate to my own life. I mean he may still die soon. His hips are bad. He really was not getting around well. And he's still victim of the natural law. I'd like him to die in his sleep. Pass peacefully. NoneofthisheartwrenchingSuffering business. That pathetic and heart rending look from those dark, soulful eyes of worry and not quite rightness and no language but common emotional searing to tell me. I am allowing myself to grieve the short terminable life of dog and mankind. It is after all tragic. Even though I know we are subject to frustration in the hopes we will be set free from bondage and decay. It SUCKS. So I am grieving. It's all very lenten.

And his dizzy muddled decaying condition I still can look out the window and call it lovely. Call him lovely. The sky, the rain, the fragrance of flowers snatched on the wind- as i myself feel carried in the choppy waters will try not to speak death upon myself and life. I will simply look out and up and call it lovely. Because inside all is internal chaos and churning- threats of cliff jumping, failure and unpleasantness- heavy handed upon my heart. But outside of me,  it doesn't seem so bad.