the way it is

Today I am: a shiny pool of green viscous liquid on a metal science tray on a black counter. The light of the sun is dappled thru the window and is hitting the corner of the tray.

I met with 2 friends before church at a place called the Alcove yesterday. Nice atmosphere even if tragically overpriced. My friends ordered: toast and the other ordered a scone. Completely exasperating. I mean come on, how is that breakfast? I should’ve perhaps asked if anyone would be eating with me but it seemed so you know- goes without saying. My bad. I had scrambled eggs with smoked bacon, spinach and gruyere with sourdough. I am an animaI. I hunch over the table waiting as they nibble on their breads. Waiting. Waiting. From what I can remember, whilst my blood sugar level dropped then battled itself back with the oh so tastiness of my food, of the conversation was how we all seemed to picture Jesus with us as I mentioned the color and texture of my days.

Joanna was talking about how over busy she was after a 4 year period of relative ease and that mentally she said she pictured herself in the (possibly rugged southern California hopefully not on fire) hills, on the footpath with jesus, and he was wearing red running shoes. Was he ahead of her? Yes, I can’t catch up. Maybe he’s setting the pace. Follow me, action Jesus said. Just follow me. He turns to her as she struggles with the pace and waves her on. Follow me. Really, red running shoes? Yes. That’s awesome.

We laughed.

I said, Jesus is still with me in a boat. Joanna said, he was with me on the ocean once. I’m on a river, I said… the boat is wading, the current isn’t very strong. Danica asked, does he ever suggest you get out and walk? No, never, I said,… and then mentally I continued, the banks are high; it’s dark. There’s no sign of a path through the green - it’s very quiet in the boat. Nothing very much is said, but we do seem to be going somewhere.

And its funny because this personal jesus of ours is always very specifically placed; once the questions are asked you realize how very real the picture is to you. And how the jesus we know is very close and never high up and remote. And it’s a comfort that the way we picture him is very much the way we feel and the way he probably is to us the most at the moment. But the fact that he is there with the three of us and we picture him is unifying and cool.

Just now I look back into my picture of Jesus and we’re still on the river, going slow, but he’s facing me and his feet are up on the seat and he’s got red shoes on. I try to picture him barefoot but the red running shoes pop back on his feet. He must be resting here with me- and it leaves me feeling secure. I don’t know why. And I must be smirking as I stare at him, but he kindly securely continues to stare at me- arms over his knees as if he knows about the shoes and everything about me but doesn’t seem to mind.