interim

So, I'm just waiting for the next step. You know, the actual baby? All other energy and interest remains at a low. I find myself sitting around a lot, just staring at the fish. Hi, fish! I need to clean your tank...

I realize logically that this is a colossal waste of... something, but it's all there is room for at the moment. I picked a book to read (see sidebar), but haven't gotten very far. I'm a little behind on the DVR stuff, because the stuff I really like I watch right away, and the rest is just *eh.* I'm even mildly bored by the concept of sleep. I've done a few chores today. I've considered resuming my writing project, but oh, that takes such a different kind of energy. I'm on the brink--I could. I have a l o o o n g list of sections to fill in (it's a pillow book), and it would probably be so easy to sit down and just do it already, but.

In the meantime, I'm trying to enjoy the last few moments of whatever. Being responsible for just one little person rather than two. Enjoying K.Lo for who she is as Not a Sister Yet. Watching Baby N.Lo jam his heels into the belly (it's actually quite riveting). Imagining what he will look and act like and be like someday. Savoring the last weeks, days, hours of this routine, which I am comfortable and happy with. Not giving birth just yet. Not nursing yet. Not being (that) sleep-deprived yet.

I feel like, in spite of the odds, that if I concentrate hard enough, I could make my water break. It doesn't work. So then I'm left to wonder what in the hell it is that inspires the body to start labor. I mean, aside from the obvious, scientific explanation. I realize willing the right hormones to kick this thing into gear doesn't work, but I hope that focusing on it doesn't delay the process, either. Yeesh.

Overall, though, seriously? It's time. Come on, kiddo. Mommy can barely get up off the couch anymore. Time to face the world!