penny blue light,

good evening to you,
mentally ive been laying on your couch all afternoon. for one brief moment when insanity overtook me i left the house and had to slam on my breaks hard twice averting being broadsided and then cut off. both on the way to deposit my check. i thought it was best to get my authorized frappachino and get the hell back home, casting prayers in my wake. i made it home without incident but i'm still wary.

also because last night i had some freakish experience more freakish than my average dreamings of evil. mostly because it involed this loud metallic noise right against the wall where i sleep, and a blue light coming into my window like a ray and the cat running in like it was being chased. it was so strange. maybe in the rain the cat ran down the roof, jumped on the waterheater shed and carried the moonlight with it. or something else. as constantine says, cats are half in and half out anyway. he, marley, stared at me strangely in the hallway when i woke up and didn't want to go outside in the morning. it was just the sort of thing to feel it wasn't a dream- which it wasn't, besides the dried muddy paw prints and the now closed and locked window...

anyway i'm uncertain. the hair didn't stand up on the backofmyneck or anything. but my heart was pounding lightly in my chest. i kept waiting for something else to occur as i peered outthewindow. but it didn't. and there weren't any signs this morning. it smacked strangely of the x-files and i haven't watched that show in months.

as it is the day has passed like a seige. waking up with bad thoughts chasing me. mentally doubled over about cutting up my creditcard at one point. saying shut up alot to various things. it doesn't seem safe to dwell below the surface of basic functions and tasks. the hot shower did me good though. but i can't say much for my productivity. and i would think more about that even but its not safe to do that either. let alone wonder about my sore muscles or that feeling of fatigue in my head. best get back to laying back down again. or making a music mix of sad sad songs.

maybe i will thank God for the rain, and for netflix, and for my bright shiny car, and for his great enduring faithfulness, or how i now an inheritor, once poor, once condemned am rich beyond measure. nothing else need be said about the day. (though i am craving breadpudding).

m.