Tuesday, August 12, 2008

World in Focus Report: KURT NATION


The Kurt Nation has made recent changes in its commentary style that leave kurt readers wondering: What happened to the real Kurt?

Our sources report that there has been an increase in kurt-changes as far back as last year. Viewers of Kurt Nation began to talk about the Kurt and Kurt's impact as he was ushered into the lives of 2 bloggers, Penelope and Mendacious back in 2005. Penelope stated, "We didn't know who or what the Kurt was but it enriched our lives, gave us faith, and encouraged us to expand our blog circle. It kept us going through the really tough times." Following, Mendacious interjected, "I sort of had a thing for Kurt at first and it didn't matter the age difference, but then I read on some other blog that Kurt might have kids. That's really when the cracks started to surface. But my loyalty to Kurt has always been strong, except you know our relationship has changed. It's like I know that's not his real name, and I never cared and we developed this amazing rapport, but then it was like he was a different person. Not in love with me, no longer patently droll and sarcastic. He's just not the same Kurt."

Starting with the disappearance of the "Blog Excellence Awards," readers reported there was "really no reason for it." And then the virtual relegation of Todd to the background readers began to grow wary. Blog comments regarding Todd went virtually unanswered and then the Todd had an 'accident'. Further noting the photoshopped antics of the Kurt were now being replaced with baking tips and "flowers". The KurtBlog of OPE has always been a bastion of oddity and dry wit, hallmarks of Kurt's indelible style and humor- his life, his times. Our investigators sighted evidence that the Kurt has never denied the persona of being the Kurt, as far back as 2006, it was noted that Kurt was something bigger and more important than just an individual, a cartoonist, a political satirist.

His influence cannot be denied in all spheres of the blog world. Having noted his diligence and care of all the blogs under his "Explore Blogdom Banner." "You can tell the Kurt really cares," reported bystander and fellow blogger Horace, "but everyone has a voice, specific to them, even the Kurt, and people notice the changes, no matter how much you pretend." Penelope also noted more positively that, "the Kurt never misses a blog. People used to ask me where the Kurt came from, and we always thought he was a friend of Mendacious. Because he always commented on her posts, and never mine. But not so. I guess the Kurt belongs to everyone."

However, recent activity points to a broad change in style. For instance one post comment saying "Cute Bear!" "You see that's what I'm talking about, Kurt would never say that!" says Mendacious, "he's not the same person!" More disturbingly than vague unsubstantiated rumor was the Kurt's location shift from the mid-west to most recently New York and the Kurts seizing of all blog comments until approval, due to attempts at outing Kurt, and all Kurt related product, such as his actual last name. And on his last visited entry of 8/12/08, OPE ominously subjects readers to the idea that the Kurt and the OPE offices have only been around for 1 year even though it states its from the "archives". Leading this reporter down a rabbit hole of circumstantial evidence, that may substantiate Mendacious and Penelope's questions about the Kurt, since of course the blog itself has existed since January 2005.

But this is clear, despite all the hurt, pain, mistrust, deception and vague mysteriousness, the Kurt nation has impacted us all. Even if it's not the same Kurt, even if it's just some girl, pretending to be the Kurt, the Kurt's influence has reached and will continue to reach far after he's gone. Ashley of Kudzu says, "Kurt is just so mysterious. Who is the Kurt? Where did he come from? Who is he really? I want to know!"

We may never know Ashley, but it will never stop us from trying. the Kurt nation will outlive us all, all of our attention, focus, and resources. We have to go on living, more suspicious perhaps, more nostalgic for the old days, but still, the Kurt is good, and what he has brought, has been for the better.

8 comments:

penelope said...

It's true, we may never crack the mystery that is the Kurt, but his (her? their?) presence in Blogland is so affecting, so vital to us all. To Kurt!

Anonymous said...

m: you might consider changing your name to "AUDacious," young lady.

Andria said...

I have alwasy been intrigued by the Kurt as well and enjoy his witty commentary; thanks for this insight. I second AUDacious!

ashley said...

I'm pretty sure this is a lost episode of Scooby Doo - the one where the gang solves the Mystery of the Kurt.

Thank you for bringing this important issue before blogdom.

Kurt said...

Oh Mendacious. There is only one Kurt. The Kurt assures you.

Some attempts at explanation: he has lately been trying not to spend more than thirty minutes on his posts, which explains the dramatic drop in post quality. Also, he doesn't watch any of the same TV shows as Pen, which explains why he doesn't comment on her posts. Also, over time, people tend to change as their wants and needs change. Kurt is not immune to such human experiences.

He is touched by your post and hopes it is the first in a series.

Cue said...

I definitely think there's room for a series on The Kurt. Can I get an amen?

Kurt fan said...

I miss Kurt.

kurt fan #2 said...

I miss Kurt more!