some weird (and sometimes bad) things about me

1. I steal food from K.Lo. Pretzels, in particular, like the poor kid needs her snack stolen by The Prego Vulture. Worse, though, is that I feel very little shame. I justify the stealing with: the other baby needs food, too! I'm feeding both my babies, so. And I do always give K.Lo more pretzels, if she still seems hungry.

2. I can tell just by listening how to fill the container. As in, I don't really need to look when filling a glass with water to make sure it doesn't overflow, and I almost always fill the measuring cup to the needed amount without checking. I do check, just to be sure, but yesterday, for instance, I filled the container with milk to exactly 2/3 cup : Look ma, no eyes!

3. I've had Marie Antoinette out from Netflix for 3 weeks. This is about a week past my Watch It or Lose It Limit for movies; if I haven't watched it by 2 weeks, clearly I am not in the mood, I can rent it later, and in the meantime will get something else. But lately, I kind of haven't been in the mood for movies, period. I've been reading books. It's weird.

4. I find myself overthinking my responses in conversation, which of course makes me feel more awkward. Like, would I really say that? I seem to know exactly who I am on paper, i.e. my writing voice is my true voice, in all its many colors. But not in person, so much, at least when I think too hard about it. I guess it's like anything else: don't think, just do.

I guess when I write, I have time to think about what I'm going to say, and how I want to say it, whereas in person, I'm on the spot. I rarely do good with on the spot. And then, with writing, someone can read it and you might never know (and therefore never care) what they think. Whereas, when you're trying to make friends, how you are perceived and received is so much more tangible, immediate, and you might care more what they think. In a lot of ways, you can't care, because you'll drive yourself crazy trying to please everyone. But in other ways, it's impossible not to care unless you have skin made of steel. On some days, my skin is made of paper. On worse days, it's like I'm standing in the rain.

5. Every evening after running the dogs and letting them back in for a drink, I send Bender back outside. Bailey can go out or stay in, whatever she wants, but Bender has to go back out. It's the way she pants and gasps and sputters, I can't stand it. I feel like it's kinder to just make her stay outside for a little bit until she calms down, rather than having her stay inside, soaking the floors, and inspiring violent feelings. Plus, she does love it outside. Was that one justification too many? Okay--done.