doldrums

You know how people get Seasonal Affective Disorder in the months when there's less light? I feel like I have that beginning in JUNE, because of the light. Or the heat. Or maybe it's just the moon. Maybe it's just a mood, and it'll be over in a few days or a week. I hope so. I seriously needed some more wine this evening, to go with my whine:
I despise the wall of heat that swallows you when you open the door. I like the sun, but I love a good rain. I hate seeing the plants all withered and crispy. I feel antisocial, and suddenly I hate shopping. The sheer plentitude of products in Barnes & Noble depresses me, mainly because they are all so fucking nice. And I'll read in my lifetime, what .02%? Maybe. And all the memoirs, blah, the memoirs! Like the stories these people tell that are so monumental and written in such an engaging way that (miracle of miracles) they were actually published, and now here they are, lost in the Barnes & Noble amongst so much other stuff. Just like people, the stories are lost in the crowd. Why is someone going to pick this person's memoir off the shelf instead of, say, a bargain cookie recipe book. Or a grow your own shamrock kit. It's depressing. I wish I could buy and read every one of them, even if more than half were crap. It's someone's life story we're talking about here.

And there's a sign up in the front of Barnes & Noble, too, advertising the reading of a fellow MFAer, a really nice person, and a good writer, and I hope people go to that reading, and I hope people read her book, and I hope they like it. But I won't be there, that I can all but guarantee. Socializing, ugh. MFA degrees, ugh. Now wine, wine is nice.

And fucking Verizon. I always feel like once a whole year passes, you're rid of an icky situation for good. (Although some situations take much longer, particularly for those who tend to obsess, consciously or subconsciously-who, me? And particularly, I will say, with situations that involve lots of guilt. Ah, guilt.) And I'm in a drastically, wonderfully different space than I was last year at this time, but still, there's a few months left before I'm completely out of the woods and rid of those abhorrent fucking customers from Paramus, New Jersey, and all their cellular problems. Oh, and the Vermont people, too. Their minute overages and equipment failures and lack of coverage and the incompetence of the company tabulating their bills. I've spoken with a few different cell phone companies over the years, not to mention the cable company, the landline company, and the insurance company. And the banks. And I have a sneaking suspicion they're all about the same, so, you know. There's really not too much I can say about Verizon Wireless in specific that wouldn't apply to any major corporation, being either their customer or under their employ. But I still hate those damn commercials, I hate the store that just recently opened next to Dunkin' Donuts, and the next time Alltel comes on TV, if that guy could go ahead and pop off Verizon Man's head for a round of bowling instead of the Cingular cartoon's, that would be great, thanks. (Actually, what would really make my day is if he could pop off Catherine Zeta Jones' head. Hee hee.)

And speaking of time passing. It's not been a year, but geez my head is spinning lately with how fast it all goes. It's downright stomach-churning, throat-tightening, how quickly the days and months and years tick away. I want to pin down each second and make it stay longer, make the people I care about stay longer, and--well, you know. Et cetera. It's an icky downward spiral.

Anyway, hurry up, September. Or even the end of August will do. But oh wait, you'll be here before I know it, won't you, and the summer that a year from now I'll be nostalgic for will be too quickly over and done.