Pencomplaint,

This was not the day to be stranded at home as the power is going to go off in an hour or so. (mom took the car) And my phone is flipping out and i'm getting messages from my hotmail. Maybe that's a good thing. I don't know. But chime-chime-chime as i'm trying to sleep...? eh. Yesterday I maxed out my CC trying to buy a bathing suit from target just so I could have an alternate, though as I looked at it later its almost too fancy for its cheap price. And am I going to swim laps in that? Which doesn't matter anyway bcs the pool is closed until the Friday and the other pool that I love in Pas is closed until mid-june. Whatthehell. Obviously I need to schedule in a beach trip. Not that I can afford the gas but whatever I have like 3 new beach dresses, which despite my effort at some modesty still spill a little bit comparatively speaking, and they're totally cute. But anyway I had my debit card with me and I also bought some fancy dental floss. I went mostly undaunted after that to yoga where I felt productive, and then met amber at sharkeys. Though I felt pukish after lunch and slightly like I'm fighting something off toward bedtime. Which may explain why I find myself feeling like a failure. Non-specified. Or that vague apprehension like i've forgotten something. Roving anxiety. My finished book, and oh! after 2 1/2 yrs juryduty found me again. I'm wondering if i want to make it my job. Get a long trial if I can? Eh. Beats trying to rehab a resume geared solely to a career in an industry I can't become employed in. Which looking around at my home group- 1/2 of us are unemployed or hate their jobs and in various degrees of disgruntled so. At least i'm not alone.

I need to take a shower but that's currently impossible and brush my teeth but I don't feel like it. I think maybe after I plant all the baby plants I'll shower outside. It's more possible than it would seem like doing other things outside, which really I don't mind doing because I'm that sort of person. As a side note the only worry i have about the bathroom is the shittylooking tub that we're keeping and i'm worried that the vanity which I think we're also keeping needs some massive overhaul before it looks anywhere decent... oh and the 80's industrial window my parents are refusing to replace. I know all of these things will look like crap against shiny new tile and a sparkly new mirror and more bathroom lighting, is all I'm saying. And it just means that I have to stare at something when i go in there and huff and think SOMEDAY. And by that I mean some mythical day when I have money? or a husband? or what? to be able to replace a shittywindow and buy a new vanity. ? Never. Anyway.

I'm a tad cranky. And everytime I sigh the muscles around my ribs hurt because of yoga. Whatever I'll sign off. I'm going to start reading our book again and I'll pick another alternate so i don't get too far ahead. What with the no power coming my way in a minute. Sure I could meditate but thats only for an hour and I'm boycotting that right now. I did however give myself a really kick ass looking pedicure and manicure. And there's a chance my benefits might get extended again. So there's that. And tanning. And I don't know what else. Oh and yah, what a weird season finale for the office. I almost liked that there was no really big cliff hanger. House was good though it seemed a bit rushed. Maybe I'll bump up my netflix to 2 at a time now. Though I only have 30 things on my que... so then what? Nevermind.

xo,
m.