long long ago in a galaxy far far away i was an actor. burnt out by too many days consecutively spent in a small dark box i opted to explore the dark box of the mind and went to school again for writing. since then its been a dry spell, having not quite bent myself back into the world of theatre. but i do miss acting. and i say that in the back of my mind, wondering if one day i'll eventually make the switch and act again- there are a couple privisions however. it used to be that i'd only audition for a part i thought i was right for- not just anything- but now it's i won't audition for anything while i'm still fat. However there is little freedom from stereotypes in Hollywood acting and even in Hollywood theatre, I always wonder what I'd audition for anyway- which goes back to the first provision- and to the important hope that I will write parts for real people and not hapless types. But behind all my anti-desperation type, pride protecting provisos i do desperately want to act again. but not enough apparently to do anything about it- unless God, in his infinite wisdom- puts it right in front of my face. not that extra work is that, in any way. but it is a reminder. and maybe that's the next script i will write- to all the extras, getting paid $6.75 (because they haven't made it into the union), killing their entire day so some director can make reality exactly the way he wants it. so just think about that the next time you watch a show- and all those countless faces, breathing in a tenuous space of anonimity. you take them for granted.
i got a call from Central- which rarely happens and only when the director is searching, searching, searching- to no avail. i took a horrible pic for central, and i think that picture was exactly was what the director was looking for when i was summarily cast as "midwesterner" in a new show entitled "....." (as in that flag across the sea who shares it's name with the depiction of the democratic party). gold stars for anyone who guesses the title.
so my immediate fear was that i was being cast because i was fat. as i told them i was now a brunette and no longer blonde- and she said that didn't matter. and i was right- they used the term heavyset midwesterners... who perhaps are wearing "colorful" ill-fitting clothing. luckily i had nothing so tacky in my wardrobe. but i was nevertheless made to wear a hideous denim vest in a very uncute combination with an dark orange top and a pink skirt. sigh.
so you call in, get your location and time and who to report to- then you show up, check in, get your voucher (aka timecard), and if your lucky you make it to wardrobe and finally 'get permission' to hit up craft services for your breakfast/lunch. and you wait, and wait, and wait- knowing this i brought a few books and made sure my phone was charged. it did not disappoint. i had an awesome day- of blue skies and non-boredom on the "..." lot (the bastards who cancelled AD).
the other types were hispanic car washers, plastic surgery gone too far, brittany hookers, and anorexic models... i kept wondering which type it was worse to be. once we got in front of the director i was immediately knocked out of competition with a polite "Stand Aside Please"... even if I had the perfect midwestern outfit i don't think it would've saved me- i was actually less fat, less squat, more ethnic, and gloriously tanner than the other 2. and did not fit at all with the two other men there. this saved me from hours of standing, sitting and waiting with purpose. and so i was free to enjoy my captivity unfettered (not that anyone told me so or came back to get me). At dinner, I got to know the other 2 fat actresses - for the funny they totally are. The one girl had to eat a donut (the lord spared me, of this I am sure, bcs i wouldn't have) and the other girl just had to stand there and was glad after the fact that there was no donut for her. But we laughed about it- and said, well we're fat because fat people love donuts, that's why we're fat.
i was finally put to use at 7pm after being there since 935am. I was general airport ambience. And perhaps my elbow will be in frame, but for that moment i was arriving at LAX, w/ everyone else- having just come from some far away place, my luggage having been lost (which explained the hideous clothes), but thankfully my cellphone still working- and on my way home, and after 40 minutes of the most pain-free shoot i've ever been on- i did. and hopefully the next time my whole face will be on frame, fat or no- with all the hopes and dreams of making it- getting into SAG, saying a line, drawing attention and finding the man of my life, and walking into another world with no regrets.
3 comments:
this here is some excellent blogging, i must say.
Tell me more.
Has being ill these past many days had you storing up words.
I watched a bunch of extras wearing police uniforms standing, standing looking at the ground in the damp. Standing in great grids of yellow caution tape. It was for CSI NY. Imagine that. Filmed in North Hollywood, not a mile from the North Hollywood shoot out.
I passed by a movie production on the way to the bank. The wind was blowing, whistling right in my ear. The temporary no parking signs flapping wildly. Still, I was able to make out some talking. And though I might be mistaken, I'm pretty sure I heard them say, 'Mendacious to the set." But again, it might have just been the wind.
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