side effects, by pen

I’m pretty sure it’s that fun fun FUN time of the month where I’m totally hormonal and surly and the whole world just seems like a bad place to be. In my mind, I’m the world’s worst mother, worst wife, worst friend, etc. I have NO patience. I have no patience for my LACK of patience. All thoughts are fatalistic, hyperbolic, and not grounded in reality. I’m mean. I could use a good cry. Etc.

I hate being a girl.

In addition, I’ve begun to pick up on a few other trends that seem to swirl around me during this special time, a little like Pig-Pen’s cloud of dirt-dust, except instead of dirt-dust, it’s bad luck, inattention, paranoia, and laziness.

1. I make errors with the banking. Typically it’s one little misstep in calculation that causes an overdraft, and overdraft fee, and a general feeling of ickiness, incompetence, and brokeness, none of which are really true.

2. I fail to keep up regular email communications, which I’m totally against in principle, so it makes me feel like a  big fat hypocrite. Some, like m, give me a hard time for it, feeling truly neglected. Others, like Andria, may tease me for not writing, but generally don’t mind. And Ash, well, I’ve owed her a good long email for about a month now, and she is ever-patient. What do I do while Not Emailing? I mindlessly, sluggishly surf the web for nothing in particular, and I eat chocolate.

3. I’m totally paranoid that I’m unlikable. And that people don’t want me at their parties. (Sorry, Lauren. :) ) Even when it’s completely dumb, and again, unfounded in reality. Which makes me feel overly-dramatic and more than a little self-centered.

4. I eat nothing healthy. Nothing. Not one thing.

5. All hope diminishes. Mainly this lack of hope is centered around the children, whom I imagine as grown-up and chock-full of resentful memories about their crabby mother. But other areas of life are not immune to hopelessness; I also think deep, dark thoughts about our nation’s future, Time Warner Cable, and Scrabulous. Which by the way, no longer exists.

It’s a tough time to sail through. A tiny bit easier once I realize what’s going on, and that it will be over in a few days. But in the thick of this hyper-emoting, it seems like the world will be As Is forever, and I’m so not digging it. Not one little bit.