Synapses misfire, the mouth opens, and pen speaks. Even though she knows it's wrong. Sometimes, not often enough, wine can be blamed. Here's a (totally incomplete) list of verbal retardations:
pugnent: as in, The small, squashy-faced dog, who recently rolled in skunk-stink, smells rather pugnent today.
pohsh: as in, David Beckham married the Spice Girl whose name is Pohsh.
post-bachelorette: as in, Pen went to Chicago for a year to get her post-bachelorette degree in writing. No really, it was in the English language and everything.
Having trouble with just the "p" words? Oh no, not even close. Here are some favorite phrases that give me frequent trouble:
straight and arrow: as in, That guy really needs to shape up, get himself on the straight and arrow. (Because arrows are, like, straight...)
intensive purposes: as in, For all intensive purposes, pen lived twenty-some years before she realized it was "intents and purposes," and to this day, still doesn't really believe or get it.
kitten kaboodle: as in, Is that a box made by the Caboodles company with like, baby cat pictures on it? Caboodles were always in bubble gum colors like pink and purple, so that would totally make sense.
hit-her-to: as in, I read most of The Time Machine in the eighth grade before I realized the word was HITHERTO. No lie.
Okay, enough mortification for now. But I'll share more words and phrases as I remember them, and undoubtedly screw 'em up.