picture extraveganza!

the trip started quintessentially as we happened upon this french bistro for lunch in dana point. i had Le Poulet au Basilique: a spicy chicken basil sandwich with diced apple, celery and fresh spinach. twas zesty if not exactly spicy. the ambiance was perfect to the upscale american locals, the bread and jam and the authentically french owner... it was like being on holiday. after a driving diversion to a trader joes we made our way back and found our campsite. just one spot from beachfront. next time it will be ours! it will be a particular regret of childhood that i did not get to go camping all the time or stay weeks at some other place...
we spent our mornings eating tasty things like eggs and bacon.. and proudly i made a parfait and we ate it on the beach along with some tea. idyllic. yes. down to the fresh raspberries and blueberries. and the quiet and the break of the waves.

over all it was a strange holiday bcs we went out every day into town and sampled the food from san juan capistrano to san clemente. so i wouldn't call it a camping trip so much as a sort of mellow meandering vacation with a few scenic driving diversions which we'll never speak of again. we managed to get a blanket for mom after i uh, forgot her sleeping bag after a night of sharing... and a new fuse from the ford dealership after we blew our outlets and had to finish 'school of rock' as a 2 parter. besides finishing lemony snickets: 'the end' we also watched 2 excellent movies via the most excellent laptop in the car were 'all about eve' and 'the devils backbone' (a spanish thriller) oh and not to forget '39 steps'. one of my favorite early hitchcocks. and while we were not sampling the local eateries we bird watched... we think these guys are 'coots' but if someone knows for sure let me know! among these funny birds we saw loads of pelicans plummeting in the water for fish, egrets, comorants, gulls, mallards, sandpipers and little fastwalker something or others.



we also went kayaking... and the waves were calm as a lake- and the day was hot and the water looked inviting. we went tandem and i had an unsettled stomach and clogged sinuses. so i only lasted an hour. we decided to be 'cute' and try to propel ourselves onto the plastic boat launch. i scooched us back and mom torked us to the right but the kayak being just a hair on the plastic still... pivoted us into the water instead. instantly my malaise was gone and i was finding myself refreshed and very wet in the harbor. luckily we were laughing... and i chidded myself for being lazy and not docking properply but glad... and then regretted i didn't take the time to practice trying to get back in the kayak once capsized. alas. after the fauna are some flora and the place mom and i had our one english outing to compliment the french.... pasties and shepards pie... next time we'll order the champange brunch... after that we wandered around in an antique mall, and found a ladys home journal picture all about a girl eating nervous walnuts... we took walks on the beach and were generally relaxed and comatose. i found myself slightly restless at points though like i had to get back to something... as if all that driving reminded me of where i was headed next... which was my garden at home and 'the job' which i must blog about poste haste. the rest doesn't matter. it was all delicious. and much like being in another world. mom says who has to leave the country to have a proper outofplace experience. i say, this will do for now.

another weirdness

I save coupons for things I know I can't afford, even with the coupon, such as fancy-dancy hair products that I have sampled and loved. I keep them around until the expiration date just in case I should win the lottery and be able to afford said product. As though if I won the lottery, I would remain concerned about using coupons.

weird 6 by m.

it's like how weird do you get really? mwah.

1. i compulsively turn on/off lights. during dusk i turn on lights bcs i don't want to reenter a dark room, however i will go around the house after dark and turn off lights in certain rooms and leave them on in others. also i hate porch lights bcs it's light pollution and most street lights too. when flying overhead in chicago i imagined the city 1/2 lit. i loathe florescent lighting and would rather sit in a dimly lit office than have my retinas burned. and if i can i will turn them off even when the coworkers nicely say, oh but you don't have to sit in the dark... the strange looks i get when i say 'i prefer it' never ceases to amaze me. the presence of such lights also contributes to my dislike of superstores like walmart and target and i always tie that and linoleum together. i am constantly amazed at the heat candles give off, i love fire and when i have my mag flashlight and am walking in the dark when camping i wish i knew morse code so i could tap out something significant like a sonnet or maybe an ode. i do however love the glistening of sun on the water and the sharp light of winter. once at a temp job there was a light switch in a hallway that seemed not to be going anywhere. so i flipped it off everytime i went to the restroom. my boss caught site of me doing it one day and apparently i'd been plunging a hallway down the way into darkness. served them right for bad wiring. that's what i say. also the lights in my garage are wired wrong and and they don't switch off in order and it drives me nuts. but not in that specially certifiable way.

2. i very frequently used to have, and sometimes still have, dreams about casting out demons but not in people but in their ethereal forms. in the name of jesus, very fiercely and intensely, and very real in a dark empty space. i once woke up holding my bible.

3. speaking of the intangible more times than i can count people come to me with the phrase "i've never told anyone this before but..." and it usually involves them telling me about how they are being haunted or how their houses have been haunted.

4. i have a strange way of telling people things about themselves they didn't want to tell me and unfortunately usually flippantly and in 'what if' or 'at least your not' scenarios. it's made for a few awkward wide eyed revelations.

5. my mom reminds me that though she thinks the fact that i don't like olives is weirder, weirder still is that i have a hair birthmark- one patch on the right side of my head about the width of a quarter. it's jet black and apparently is greying faster than all the other hairs on my head.

6. and sadly i have a diminished sense of smell and one day will try to improve it with a nose job. i blame my father's second hand smoke, the smog of the 80's and asthma and a cramped womb for my crooked nose. good times. consequently this explains why salt in large portions has always been appealing. and i have a serious ear sensitivity issue. i myself i'm sure make noise while doing things like chewing, and since i compulsively fidget i know those things make noise- however my mother's noises drive me irrationally nuts- her cracking jaw, her loud yawns, the clicking her wooden knitting needles make.... the turn signal clicker in the car, people gulping water and gasping as if they were dehydrated and on the point of death, the sound of teeth against metal forks, ambient wirrring sounds, buzzing, audio feedback from a bad adapter, oh and mom swirling her ice cubes in the glass- sure i used to endlessy blow bubbles in chocolate milk, drain the cup like it was gold and mercilessly tap on pans... still. if the whole world would quiet down that would be great. did i also tell you i'm an advocate of decreasing noise pollution globally? oh and refrigeration machines cycling on. i HATE that!

fin~
i tag kurt, oh silent one. and cue oft gone one. just to perhaps rally them... and really enquiring minds want to know.
my love, mqa.

where i'm going

blogging! (mean it)
email?
decorating
laundry, more laundry
pre-shopping, finish master plan
catching up on dvr'd shows
bake cookies, various other holiday treats
dream of snow
enjoy temps in the 70s anyway
play with baby
throw ball for doggies
dust more
vacuum more
exercise more
pick out a Christmas tree
drink hot chocolate, despite lack of need
finish book
finish goblet
seek, tape, and watch enjoyably vapid&feel-good holiday movies on Lifetime, Hallmark, and ABCFamily channels
ponder place in the world

where i've been

eating turkey
not blogging (gasp)
reading a book (the time traveler's wife)
eating stuffing, sweet potatoes, mashed potatoes, green beans, pumpkin and apple pies
not watching dvr'd shows
mini-breaking w/ J.Lo at the beach
shopping tax-free
swimming!
driving
lots of driving
listening to goblet of fire on cd
more driving
declining (due to full stomach) turkey leftovers
kicking self later for decline of turkey leftovers
pre-Christmas shopping, i.e. the master-planning of, but not the actual purchase of all items
unpacking
cleaning
saying hello to doggies and sorry we left you!
saying hello to baby and sorry we left you!
laundry, lots of laundry

weird 6 by pen

1. Whenever I move someplace new (apparently), I generally don't speak for about a year. It's like I'm overwhelmed into silent observation, trying to take it all in and learn the new culture's rules. The worst was when I moved from upstate NY to Raleigh, NC after living up North for 18 years. I went to NC State and was by a deliberate (I'm sure) twist of fate paired with a girl whose licence plate said FARMGAL and who pinned a giant Confederate flag to the ceiling, right under the halogen lamp, which illuminated the thing quite well to a passing eye 5 stories below. Luckily, the fire marshall ruled this atrocity out about halfway through the year.

I also didn't speak when I moved to Chicago, which is sort of unfortunate because I moved back after just one academic year, though I was lucky enough to grab onto mendacious' friendship, and well, here we are. (Cheers!)

And then I moved to Wilmington, where you all know I was rather silent for at least a year, but my former boyfriend was also an un-fun, pessimistic jackass, so I blame him.

2. Every morning when I pick out clothes to wear, I feel a very strong pull toward one color or another. If I don't choose clothing of this color, I feel I will have a very bad, or at least a very uncomfortable day. I typically give in to the impulse, as it makes me feel much better when I do.

3. I'm allergic to scallops, but no other seafood. They make me heave violently, and every time I walk by them in the seafood section I hold my breath and cringe, like they're going to come after me. The allergy is genetic, as my aunt is also allergic to only scallops. Also, my husband questions the authenticity of this allergy, which infuriates me to no end, like I'm being busted for something I absolutely did not do.

4. I have a lot of vivid dreams, and many of them are apocolyptic in nature. I've had dreams about entire cities being either blown up or swallowed by water, and they are rarely in reaction to the particular news of the day. I've had a few dreams about this really insanely long bridge over blue blue water, and being on or under it somehow? while it was being engulfed and everyone raced to save themselves, in cars and on foot. Then when the Real World: Key West was on, I was like, OMG, that's the bridge. Even though I had never been to or seen pictures of Key West before. I don't feel the dreams are prophetic, just the product of an overactive imagination and an anxious personality.

Lately my apocolyptic dreams have been limited to my entire aquarium dying from an obscure fish plague (the name of which I can never remember after I wake up) while I watch helplessly. I don't know if the scaled-down version is more or less alarming.

5. I've never broken a bone or had stitches. But I get bruises all the time and have no idea where they come from.

6. When I was little, I loved each and every one of my stuffed animals, to the point where I wouldn't get rid of any of them, ever, and as a result still have many squirreled away in various attics and storage places. (Though to my credit, I've been making a concerted effort of late to break this packrat habit, and have sent many off to goodwill, telling myself that it's time for someone else to love Gav the Christmas Bear and the bunny with one button eye.) I remember going through a phase where I arranged every last stuffed animal on my bed before going to sleep at night, for fear that one might feel left out. Except for this one, a pink poodle named Cindy. I hated Cindy with every fiber of my being, and used to beat her up regularly--but then felt deep remorse afterward and tried to talk myself into liking her. It never worked.

I could go on all day--seriously, this topic was fantastic. Thanks, Kim and ashley! I tag mendacious, daniel bruckner, cue (if you're out there???), t. (triple now, at least), sarah, szu-hua, and the sick cookie.

check

must blog. stop. say something.stop. keep going stop. without me. stop. working early. finally raining. much needed. crops. harvest for next yeaR. stop. tough winter?.stop. must go. stop.

who's that girl!!

i'm back you guys. turns out the wifi available was available at a charge. totally criminal. so i was without and i suffered... and so must to catch you up post haste. i have to work blackfriday and black saturday so we'll see if i get any posting done at all. for now my checklist reads:

1. dust
2. mop
3. laundry
4.clothes
5. bills a.forbear? b. huge att bill c. payday? when? d. paperwork on desk
6. paint
7. order photos
8. dye hair
9. plant flowers
10. quilt
11. clothing repair
12. iphoto and eTSy (money?)
13. get paints from blick
14. take back dress? a standard for weight loss or a waste of money.
15. eat turkey and stuffing

give me a poll idea

Since I'm lately tapped, I could use your help with a new poll question. Please leave ideas in the comments section. Be imaginative, but not dirty or mean.

xo,
pen

PSA: don't store your honey upside-down

You might think it's a good idea, when your bottle of honey is running low, to turn the thing upside-down, and therefore get all the stuff to go to the top. Like ketchup. But let me assure you, it is not a good idea, and if you don't believe me, come check out my globulated kitchen cabinet shelf. (Which, thankfully, has not yet attracted insects.)

slump

i've been in a blogger slump lately, with both commenting and posting, and i'm not sure where that's coming from, but there it is. i can't even think of a good new poll. and i do have blog post ideas, but when it comes to actually sitting down and creating them, eh. not so much. i just don't feel like it? and i have to say i've been kind of the same way with email, which is terrible. i feel like maybe i just need a break from all things computer for awhile. maybe. maybe. it might just be hormones, or the weather, which is real yuck today. and mendacious is like, off camping, or else stocking shelves at the bookplace, trying to guard her creativity from being sapped by the evil corporate forces. she's not going to do the endcaps, just get over it people. i can't even think of what to say about survivor, although part of me wants to backtrack two episodes back and discuss nathan's assertion that they (he and his alliance) could cut up another tribemate like poop. who says that. what does it mean. and how i'm kind of rooting for ozzy now, i'm committed, or at least i support the aitu underdog. but i still like candace and feel sorry that she keeps getting sent to exile, even though her island boyfriend is such a frat boy.

and i wanted to also discuss the pros and cons of caridee, including her performance on one tree hill, which was... i can't decide. sassy and impressive and yet?
and i also had this idea for a post about perception, and how when you're hormonal, it feels like the day just won't ever be right, despite small victories. you feel like you're karmically (karma-i-cally?) screwed. but i didn't do that, either. and i should have wished j.lo a happy anniversary via the blog yesterday, too, but at least we celebrated right otherwise. two years and already a house and a munchkin in tow, yaaaay for us! but what a whirlwind--see, these are the things i should discuss.

maybe we just need to change our colors? because i think of posting to brown-black with halloween edges, and i'm feeling the drag-down. so maybe i'll ponder that.

it's abby morgan

I have seen the movie While You Were Sleeping approximately 72 times. I could probably recite the movie for you. Aside from the obvious draw of a Sandra Bullock romantic comedy, I love this movie for its Christmassy-ness, for Peter Gallagher's eyebrows, for the catchy soundtrack, the character of Joe Fusko Jr, and the fact that for a split second in the beginning, you can see the building where I lived for 9 months in Chicago. I love particularly, too, the hilarity contained in all of the Callaghan family dialogue, it is so fantastic. These mashed potatoes are so creamy.

I guess every time you notice something new, and I can't figure out quite why it took so long for me to notice, being such a hardcore Dawson's Creek fan as well, but Mary Callaghan is totally Abby Morgan. Mean, caustic, bitchy Abby Morgan, who gave everyone (particularly Joey) a hard time, and ended up biting it one night after getting drunk with Jen Lindley and landing herself in the water.

Anyway. It all makes sense now. But the next mystery remains: is this really Mary Callaghan? I guess we've been introduced the wonderful world of collagen injections.

random.

right now i'm avoiding the heap of clean clothes that's practically blocking my tv view and watching mtvcribs instead... which reminds me i've watched a few eps of my show and it's hard to say but i get this feeling that it's like a clip highlights reel or is it that bcs i know what's left out... anyway blah. i do get a slightly gratifying feeling watching my name race by near the end of the credits.

i had these weird dreams last night- the dragon which was red was good, and the rainbow that broke rained down as sharp cutting glass... but the dragon melted it with its fire- and it turned to rain. so that's awesome. and there was a guy holding an umbrella for me so i was mostly pretty well protected.

otherwise i'm leaving for camping tomorrow am. and the campground has wi/fi. so hopefully we won't kill the battery like last time and i'll try to post from the road... or uh, beach as it were.

things: hopefully the plants won't die while were gone and the animals will survive without us, i'll kite fly and get a tan.

SatNov 18
Sunny
78°/52°
0%
78°F

SunNov 19
Sunny
81°/53°
0%
81°F

MonNov 20
Sunny
82°/51°
10%
82°F

TueNov 21
Sunny
76°/51°
10%

defending the night

I have this deja-vooey sense that I've written about this before? But I can't find it in the archives, and really it bears repeating anyway. Although... at what point does one cash in her blog chips on account of repeating herself all the time, I ponder.

Then again, writers are known to write more than one book on a certain subject, even (it's true) highly questionable subjects such as osprey. But I digress.

Anywho, I wanted to write tonight to defend the night coming early. Every fall at Daylight Savings Time, after luxuriating in their extra hour's sleep, people grumble. It's the general consensus out there that it sucks, the world falling dark an hour early. I can understand it, totally. But secretly, I love it, and always have.

The general argument is that when people leave their jobs after fall DST begins, it's already dark, therefore emphasizing the irritating point that one's day is officially gone--because it's dark now, and it's not like you have any daylight left to enjoy. Tonight it was getting quite dark at 5:30, and so I could really see how, if you were a bigger fan of daylight, the fall and winter months would be not so happy times. But the way I look at it is, night=relaxing time, TV time, cozy, curled up on the couch eating dinner time, and more dark-time means that it starts all the earlier. Yes, you have less day, less sunshine, but the tradeoff is more mandatory hibernation. And even when I did have a job and left after dark, there was something magical about spying the moon on the way to the car.

So here's to the early dark, the moon, the stars, flannel pj pants, and maybe some seasonal beverages, like hot chocolate or cider or snowflake-labeled beer.

xoxo,
penelope half-full

continue

i was
as i am
now.

but constant
contrasted
in the small
but rapid wakes
seceding in their
difference
to the shore

the same
wave
call it so
was a start
that quaked
into being.

a passion-
with variance
where it went
over
time
still was
& is.

but call it another name.

time reckons it
with favor
and dissipates
it kindly
it wants not
as it moves
but must with
season remember.

speaking of retail...

But I'm so not trying to sell anything here. I DO NOT GET A CUT OF THE PROFITS! Think of this post more of a holiday shopping/gift-giving PSA, merely a compilation of Must List-type sites hit upon this morning and currently being drooled over by me, penelope.

*****

Ask.com Gift Finder: This is your gift finder, the search engine where you can sort by personality type (fun!), occasion, age, interests, etc. I've used a few gift-finders before, and although I especially like the Curiosities section on amazon.com, I have to say, I'm impressed.

Although for myself, I'm still puzzling, in an amused sort of way, whether I'm really "Domestic Diva." Since they have a TV/Pop Culture Fan "interest" section, I wonder why this can't transfer over to personality types? Although do I wish to be so pegged? But Bree Hodge/Martha Stewart I am not. (I swear.) Unless Bree Hodge watches Survivor and subscribes to EW.

*****

Uncommon Goods: One of those random, quirky sites with a little bit of weird-fun-everything, kind of like Rare Cargo or Blackbeard's Bryde downtown? Except you don't have to leave your house. Nice...

*****


Perpetual Kid!: My personal favorite. Just see for yourself. And know that you may shop for penelope here.

testing

sunday i got in a discussion about why people respond to people who dress professionally- my friend said that as humans we logically respond to it, like thus it's inherently good or reasonable... i sort of think it's social programming. also we love shiny flashy things... basically what we're doing is a snow job on people. sort of like that milgram experiment about why the nazification of germany happened- bcs 66% of humanity will infact compromise their individual wills to "authority". which you know, keeps society afloat, i guess. i mean what is that line btw professionalism, acting our age...acting like an adult... what does that mean? does it? why does donning a suit or some conformist attire dictate our status or our authority and age. when really so much of it is a disguise. . . why does slouching against a counter behind a cash register convey negativity or non-professionalism? why would that convey a "bad experience"... i think about conforming at work, and in life, but i find most of it pretty laughable. the small petty rules that dictate a work existence. where peeing after you clock in basically amounts to cheating the clock... or selling the book is more important than being honest or making sure that every minute is accounted for.

well anyway i'm okay with it for the moment and i'm not quite sure why- there is a faint hammering in my heart. but i remain undaunted though the lack of funds rapidly encroaches... but then the hammering awakes something that i'd forgotten. i'd like to think i've changed and become a calmer and more patient person that the person that used to work in retail... that's for another post but the 2 have to reconcile... bcs the facts have not changed. my world is still opposed to the one i'm currently working in. and i find all the contrivences outrageous and yet. and yet. and yet. why?

I LOVE Winnie Cooper!

Y'all, in case you were not aware--as you might not be if you don't frequently watch Lifetime TV or Lifetime Movie Network--Danica McKellar is coming back to TV! I mean, I know she's been here and there, but this movie and subsequent series looks really fun, and I'm so going to watch it.

Inspector Mom! Let's hear it for Winnie Cooper, woohoooo! I certainly hope the show lives up to all the hype.

me vs. the inevitable

dear mendacious, i'd like to inform you that you currently do not meet the psychological qualifications necessary to be employed here. however, do to our desperation and your sparkling presence we're going to forgo our usual cautionary procedures and hire you despite all the signs that indicate that you should work far away from the retail industry...

dear B, i sorta kindof already knew that but um... it made it all worth it when i got a peek at the last page of my application. i would've asked for a copy but i had the feeling you wouldn't have given it to me. my psych profile. well okay, B, i mean i looked and then you left and I uh, kept looking you know. and then you kept staying gone so what else was i going to do but copy it all down in my emp. handbook so i could blog about it later. i mean, come on, B- it's priceless. like if i get fired for it- it'd be worth it. like no matter what goes wrong... and something will go wrong, it was worth it. sort of like when cartman kidnaps butters so he can go to casa bonita and when he jumps from the waterfall and they ask him if it was worth it, he turns over in the water and he says, "totally."

so like i said, that's what i'm going to do:

there are three catergories: three colors :three precentage scores...and a whole lot of dash marks.

1. Customer Service: 25%: Yellow
"Less Likely To..."
-maintain a good mood
-show patience instead of frustration
-spend time with customers instead of alone
-consider customer's feelings and needs
-listen carefully, understand and remember
-cooperate with co-workers

(okay, like seriously, they have me pegged... in a worst case scenario situation, except for the alone part, that would be like all the time.)

2. Dependibility: 71%: Green
"More Likely To..."
-usel logic to draw sound conclusions
-use time efficiently
-motivate and inspire employees
-give work a lot of energy
-form effective work relationships
-actively listen to others
-show personal stability and responsibility
-manage own stress well
-persuade and influence employees [to do a (good) job]
-make oneself easily understood

(so i'd be good at world domination right? awesome.)

3. Sales: 45%: Yellow
"Less Likely To..."
-keep busy and sustain energy
-be friendly, sociable and outgoing
-follow thru on commitment
-show resistence to rejection
-maintain a positive outlook
-learn quickly and show good problem solving skills

(wow, thanks. mainly because oh i don't know, selling things to people is stupid.pricks.)

heh. so yah. i'm working... 3 days in and i feel i've been there for a whole lot longer than that. but oddly not- for instance i don't have my electronic time card yet: so they can't meticulously clock my comings and goings. YET. and i dont have my company mug or a locker... but whatever. they keep talking like i'm going to be staying. like i've been permanently hired though i'm really just under the heading temporary/seasonal- and let's not forget only making $7.50 an hour... and they gave me the run of organizing the entire kids section, and the inventory manager really likes me, but guys you know... the shoe's going to drop. bcs regardless i can't live on $7.50 an hour for 7 hours, 5 days a week, after taxes. No matter if you suggested i could make supervisor or if we watch ANTM, VM and UglyBetty on our lunch breaks. I mean, you saw my psych profile. it doesn't lie does it? i mean it's like a self-fulfilling prophesy. how could it not come true. I'm sorry it's just not going to work out... which makes me feel sort of bad, but you and i both know, well- it's a moment and maybe, after it's over we can be friends.

There are no Stanley Trees

here to stay

I haven't watched Survivor yet, so in the meantime we should talk about The Office. So, the Scranton branch isn't closing after all! No one, aside from Jim's Stamford boss, seems to be leaving! Jim and Pam will be reunited! With, of course, the introduction of Jim's new chicky...who I like, there's nothing wrong with her, but she's not Pam. And I realize there must be tension in the plot to make a good story or whatever. But writers, please take note that this is a comedy, not a dramedy, so even if you must drag it out for a year or more, Jim and Pam must be together in the end. Thank you, and that is all.

I so, so look forward to Jim's return to Scranton, and his new position as Michael's second. I have so missed his live and in person torturing of Dwight K. Schrute. And even though faxes from Future Dwight to Present Dwight will likely cease, other amusements will take its place.

Any other thoughts?

***

Dear Jeff Probst,
I have to confess that The Office might now be my favorite show. Maybe it has been for awhile, and I just didn't admit it. Survivor remains, however, a close second, and my number one favorite reality show. I'm still sorry, though, if your heart is a little broken.
Still your fan 4-evah,
penelope

warm and fuzzy return

Along with my feet, I too am feeling warm and fuzzy this morning in the company of my Old Computer. For after a long and treacherous battle with Other Computer's security settings, I gave up. And this makes me very happy. While I appreciate that Other Computer will over time become J.Lo's jukebox, and while I was able to make myself as at home as possible in the new environ, I couldn't handle it anymore. I really want to catch up on Ugly Betty. I want to see all the pictures when I visit such sites as Target and ebay, instead of little x's in boxes, which annoy me. I want to see our OMGWe'reSoPopular counter when visiting Pen&M. I want to view my library account with ease. As well as amazon.com. Oh, and I really, really, REALLY want to stop losing blogger posts mid-post. Watching Pure Genius vanish in a puff of cyber-smoke hurts.

Dear Other Computer,
I realize I just made you sound like crap. But please know that I fully realize it's me, not you. You had a fancy, newer version of the firewall that I just couldn't figure out. And frankly it was probably better that you were closed off to all those evil cookies or whatever. For now, though, as my patience has all but disappeared, I choose the evil cookies and the security settings just the way I like 'em.

XO from the WILDside,
pen

Dear MaryJaneSlipperSocks (available at Target),

I love you, and I want to buy you for everyone.

XOXO,
Warm and Fuzzy Penelofeet

more on today tomorrow

try me

i spent the day waiting for the hiring guy to call me. and i could not, try as i might, get fired. i said- i'll be gone on these days but if i can (i hemmed and hawed)... tried to soften the blow. then i escalated the impact by saying- 5 days. i'll be gone all of these DAYS right before thanksgiving! and still nothing. he, thought about it. i could hear him shrug his shoulders. that optimally i shouldn't be allowed to go but he made every excuse for me- no one else asked for these days off (that's because you're not allowed to, technically they're industry "black out days"... as in no one leaves bcs we need the entire staff working for the holidays kind of thing)... and so that's okay, he explained, it'll be fine...

what?!

so yah... report to work 6am. alright and um, yah, i'll uh, be there. uh.okay.

and i thought about what to do on my last day- as if tomorrow i was going into the army or, i don't know, dying or something... so what i did was go thru my 'life scraps' files, just to solidify the innate feeling, and realized i'd become completely calloused to memories (about a 1 1/2's worth). i ripped out about an inch worth of photos and old papers from existing albums and reluctantly posted photo after photo in my current one. i even caught myself thinking what a waste. i was horrified by my attitude. but it is an unpleasant reflex after spending a couple years with my grandmothers albums, when deducing someones life is a business and trying to figure out what to keep and save and still keep some semblence of them despite your harsh distillation... and then you know- i knew that i didn't want to par it down to nothing... so that there was just a series of random photographs- i think if i ever get back to doing something with the old ones, i will want it to tell a story of sorts... and it seems worth telling. i guess? and then i turned to look at my blog and was so grateful for the random story it seems to be telling- neatly, well-formatted and wonderfully present... and even though i'll die and someone may or may not care i have to say that it's a story worth telling to me- long after i've forgotten. it seems to be so, always after years pass, how much.

Working on it

I've got a goal to get to Nicaragua by the end of next year and possibly Oxford. So it's really rather imperitive I work. Even if dually imperitive that i pay off my creditcards, get a car and begin to pay off my education... but one must prioritize. Surely as Kudzu reminds me, roads traveled less often are much more important so I'd welcome any of you wonderful east&west coasters with me- it's $1500 for 15 days + airfair. COME WITH ME... that's what i'm trying to say. And while i've previously posted on its many advantages, and will again before i go (so you have time to think about it)- i really came here to ponder work.

I was- i guess- feeling positive about life or "better" and so went into my interview at B------with a certain levity, almost perfectly at ease and chatty... that I didn't even ask how much they paid or what the hours would be until i'd already gotten comfortable with the idea of being there after a long and probably preferred absence from the retail industry. The answers sunk into my head but were trapped in a web of optimism and have been trying to make their way into the more cynical parts of my brain with some effort... they may be succeeding. But the man was so nice and he offered me the job on the spot and i accepted... against all my previous history and judgement. I don't know what i was thinking.

cynical grey matter: $7.50 an hour. 6am-2pm.

even as the obvious, repellent truth stands above, which on most days would be enough to curdle my brain and make me drop into unconsciousness, i feel almost calm about accepting it as my inevitable fate. my only possible salvation from working would be that i have to go camping and will be gone for 5 days... this should almost be enough to make sure i don't get hired since it's right before thanksgiving. but as i said, i forgot most things - and i certainly forgot that. so compelled by my conscience i will call the person who hired me and with cringing reluctancy mention the fated absense and if he relents i will acknowledge my fate and look forward to the silence of the store at 6 in the morning, and the discounts, and the paycheck no matter how meager, bcs something is still better than nothing? And if he declines then i will be released and continue to collect my $61 EDD check, and go to my mandatory "how to find work" meeting and look and look and look. Which you know I'll be doing regardless... in this unseasonably hot weather... and waiting for a way out... to get a job i really want... sort of like looking for love.

stand.walk.sit.go.stop

today i'm restless. and congested and fatigued. a horrible combination which involves wanting to do things that clearly i'm not capable enough to do. i decided to leave the house under our 'fall' heatwave which is somewhere in the mid 80's and go to church. it proved to be too much as once out of the car i felt my hands tremoring just a little bit. i became perfectly decadent and got a bottle of water at the corner gas station, made it thru the sermon and after a trip to the bathroom i left, as my conversation skills involved making a whimpering noise and a pouty face.

anyway i'm home now, watery eyed, coughing, sniffing and wandering the garden which is about what- 30ft of visual entertainment and i've about had it. and i have to lounge like the ailing flower i am. of course i was laying there in my bra when i hear over the fence, dave, dave- which is my dads name, and luckily i had a shirt to slip on so i could go on over and tell them that he was upstairs... i hope i have more relevant things to say come my interview tomorrow at b------: for the inventory team... possible seasonal hire extrodinare?

(cough.whimper. sigh. close eyes...)

BECK!!!

Beck's new music! The band "playing" at the dinner table!! Puppet replicas mimicking the entire thing!!!

YOU MUST WATCH THIS.
Beck, Saturday Night Live performance, 10/28/06

while asleep

i've had a running conversation with myself. i can't say what about. really, bcs i don't remember. but i wake up feeling like i've been chattering away all night. probably the effects of nyquil... does it really let you get the best sleep ever? or more for you to just not wake up? it's like the unfortunates who must take pills to sleep- the side effects are sans dreams and deep sleep right? rested but not refreshed. that's where i feel i am. resting but hovering consciousness. last night i was wrapped up in a flannel blanket, 76degrees in my room, and my legs were still cold. i took a really hot shower and i think i felt thecold drop to my chest... does that happen and will ben/gay really help? why is it that you can breathe thru one nostril and not the other? and then they switch sides... i woke up around 3 and found some lavendar stuff but couldn't smell it- felt moisturized but wondered if one day i'd recover from a cold to find i'd lost my sense of smell... i would say i smell breakfast and thus have to sign off, but really i just hear a rustling of bags.

out of control

Paxilback - Gray Kid

Totally with the YouTube today.

But it's so worth it, promise.

See ya, Roller Girl

I guess I'll miss the unruly hair and good-times vibe of Jessica, or "Flica," as she's called, on Survivor. Truth be told, though, I wasn't that attached. Probably she'd be a cool person to hang out with in real life, but on Survivor, eh. It always kills me when someone shows up on Survivor under the mistaken impression that it's all about living like they're on a happy-go-lucky commune, rather than competing for a million dollars. Like they've never seen the show before, or their being there, in it, is all some weird and funny mistake. I mean, I guess Jessica could have flown under the radar, had she chosen to shut her yap a little more. She might even have made it to the top few, had she played her cards right--or had she chosen to play a hand at all.

Secretly, I was glad to see Ozzy stick around, even though clearly he's a big threat. He's likable, he's kinda hot, and he's a huge provider of not only fish, but coconuts--which he climbs all the way up the limbless trees for, and even a big bird. Although, the bird was kind of sad. I am and will forever be a carnivore, but man, the poor thing was sleeping when Ozzy grabbed him. Ozzy's contributions are also quite key in winning tribe challenges, or at least putting forth a valiant effort. He's likable enough as well that should he go far in this game, like say to to the Final Two, I don't foresee that the vote for the mil would be hard. At this point I'd venture to say that I'll be rooting for him in future eps. Provided he doesn't do anything stupid.

I was pleased during Tribal Council at the response to the question Jeff posed regarding the remixing of the tribes from racially divided to a mixed bag. The general consensus was that in the end, people will bond inexplicably based on personality, not race, that you just never know who you'll have chemistry/connection with, or why. Go figure. Common sense is so oddly refreshing these days.

Also "refreshing" must have been the wicked storm Adam was stuck in during his stay on Exile Island. Luckily the guy was smart enough to fortify the pirate ship prop and hide as well as he could. I'm definitely not so opposed to Adam as in previous weeks, despite his big, dumb frat boyness, though I'm not sure why... he hasn't seemed as attitudinous as he was previously? I guess we'll see.

random early-childhood memories

ages: unknown

• Playing with my Weeble Wooble treehouse.
• And other toys: cash register with big plastic coins and a return drawer, shopping cart full of plastic groceries, toaster with styrofoam toast.
• Vaguely, being in the hospital once with croup. Received: Woodstock and Snoopy to keep me company.
• Wandering idly through a basement store of fabrics.
• Swallowing a button.
• Playing Hide-and-Seek with the neighbor kids (or was it Tag?).
• A balloon received at an ice-cream social or somesuch, tied to my yellow dresser and deflating over the course of a few days.
• Taking flying leaps from the chair into the beanbag down in the den.

update

COLD = 1
MENDACIOUS= 0

NANO

NANOWRIMO ... oh god. i don't know what made me think of it. i haven't seriously considered such a task since grad school, and yet there it is, willing me to do it- it must have been that old letter from my self, which in reflection almost made me cry. so i'm going to do it even if i fail horribly. i'd like to have some buddies to do it with though...just asking. the site is super sluggish, which shows my determination that i actually signed up for it... it's so silly i feel like i'm standing here in my underwear and the cat is watching me completely disinterested. . . but i won't delete the post. there it is, it's out there. no going back now.

user name = schu

things

give away bag: ukele, necklace, lavendar sweater, basket, glass trinket, crap...
thrown away: negatives, bad photos, boxes, papers, apple core
emptied out: raspberry/apple sauce (ew), thai peanut sauce, sugar jar
things cut: zinnias, dahlias, roses, bad thoughts.
cups of tea: 4
old letter to self: 1

wile

woken up
sore throat
shuffles
and the ear aches
tea soothes,
oatmeal, warm sun.
pill popped
chapping lips and dry cuticles
cat cries
dogs wag
a shower
a breeze kissed face
a morning over
yesterday
and many flowers

You must sing for your supper.

Last night, J.Lo and I were visited by 54 trick-or-treaters, most of them delightfully polite and seemingly pleased that we chose to hand out regular-sized candy bars. (I got a deal at Costco.) What kind of disappointed/irked me a little this year, though, were the surprising number of kids who came to the door sans costumes. Like, that is so not acceptable. And if I were a more confrontational/extroverted/brave person, I might have denied them candy. Just on principle--I mean, we are kind enough to make a special trip to the store to buy candy, as well as disrupt our regular TV-watching, dinner-eating schedule on Halloween Night to give out the teeth-rotting treats to the children. The least I require in return is to see some costumes.

Now, I fully expect a disaffected teenager or two to mope up to my door and sullenly, wordlessly hold out his Food Lion bag for a candy bar. Whatever. But last night, there weren't just disaffected teenagers, there were more than a handful of little kids, preteens, and teens without costumes. And having no money, if that is the case (which I am suspicious is not), is just not an excuse. There are ways to be creative without spending a dime, and many times a costume made out of the cardboard, poster paints, and coffee filters you found around the house are a lot more fun and impressive than something you could buy already made at the store. Either way--don't go trick-or-treating around the neighborhood costumeless, or encourage your kids to do so. It's pretty tacky.

In conclusion, even if you see the ritual as a stupid/commercialized/boring/weird product of culture, you could at least try to get into it. And if you're going to go so far as beg free candy off of your neighbors, the least you could do is plop a collander on your head, maybe fashion a cape from some Brawny paper towels, and tell me you're Captain Kitchen. Seriously. I don't ask for much.

That said, there were some good efforts put in last night by the neighborhood munchkins, and to them I say, witch-hats off.