Working on it

I've got a goal to get to Nicaragua by the end of next year and possibly Oxford. So it's really rather imperitive I work. Even if dually imperitive that i pay off my creditcards, get a car and begin to pay off my education... but one must prioritize. Surely as Kudzu reminds me, roads traveled less often are much more important so I'd welcome any of you wonderful east&west coasters with me- it's $1500 for 15 days + airfair. COME WITH ME... that's what i'm trying to say. And while i've previously posted on its many advantages, and will again before i go (so you have time to think about it)- i really came here to ponder work.

I was- i guess- feeling positive about life or "better" and so went into my interview at B------with a certain levity, almost perfectly at ease and chatty... that I didn't even ask how much they paid or what the hours would be until i'd already gotten comfortable with the idea of being there after a long and probably preferred absence from the retail industry. The answers sunk into my head but were trapped in a web of optimism and have been trying to make their way into the more cynical parts of my brain with some effort... they may be succeeding. But the man was so nice and he offered me the job on the spot and i accepted... against all my previous history and judgement. I don't know what i was thinking.

cynical grey matter: $7.50 an hour. 6am-2pm.

even as the obvious, repellent truth stands above, which on most days would be enough to curdle my brain and make me drop into unconsciousness, i feel almost calm about accepting it as my inevitable fate. my only possible salvation from working would be that i have to go camping and will be gone for 5 days... this should almost be enough to make sure i don't get hired since it's right before thanksgiving. but as i said, i forgot most things - and i certainly forgot that. so compelled by my conscience i will call the person who hired me and with cringing reluctancy mention the fated absense and if he relents i will acknowledge my fate and look forward to the silence of the store at 6 in the morning, and the discounts, and the paycheck no matter how meager, bcs something is still better than nothing? And if he declines then i will be released and continue to collect my $61 EDD check, and go to my mandatory "how to find work" meeting and look and look and look. Which you know I'll be doing regardless... in this unseasonably hot weather... and waiting for a way out... to get a job i really want... sort of like looking for love.