me vs. the inevitable

dear mendacious, i'd like to inform you that you currently do not meet the psychological qualifications necessary to be employed here. however, do to our desperation and your sparkling presence we're going to forgo our usual cautionary procedures and hire you despite all the signs that indicate that you should work far away from the retail industry...

dear B, i sorta kindof already knew that but um... it made it all worth it when i got a peek at the last page of my application. i would've asked for a copy but i had the feeling you wouldn't have given it to me. my psych profile. well okay, B, i mean i looked and then you left and I uh, kept looking you know. and then you kept staying gone so what else was i going to do but copy it all down in my emp. handbook so i could blog about it later. i mean, come on, B- it's priceless. like if i get fired for it- it'd be worth it. like no matter what goes wrong... and something will go wrong, it was worth it. sort of like when cartman kidnaps butters so he can go to casa bonita and when he jumps from the waterfall and they ask him if it was worth it, he turns over in the water and he says, "totally."

so like i said, that's what i'm going to do:

there are three catergories: three colors :three precentage scores...and a whole lot of dash marks.

1. Customer Service: 25%: Yellow
"Less Likely To..."
-maintain a good mood
-show patience instead of frustration
-spend time with customers instead of alone
-consider customer's feelings and needs
-listen carefully, understand and remember
-cooperate with co-workers

(okay, like seriously, they have me pegged... in a worst case scenario situation, except for the alone part, that would be like all the time.)

2. Dependibility: 71%: Green
"More Likely To..."
-usel logic to draw sound conclusions
-use time efficiently
-motivate and inspire employees
-give work a lot of energy
-form effective work relationships
-actively listen to others
-show personal stability and responsibility
-manage own stress well
-persuade and influence employees [to do a (good) job]
-make oneself easily understood

(so i'd be good at world domination right? awesome.)

3. Sales: 45%: Yellow
"Less Likely To..."
-keep busy and sustain energy
-be friendly, sociable and outgoing
-follow thru on commitment
-show resistence to rejection
-maintain a positive outlook
-learn quickly and show good problem solving skills

(wow, thanks. mainly because oh i don't know, selling things to people is stupid.pricks.)

heh. so yah. i'm working... 3 days in and i feel i've been there for a whole lot longer than that. but oddly not- for instance i don't have my electronic time card yet: so they can't meticulously clock my comings and goings. YET. and i dont have my company mug or a locker... but whatever. they keep talking like i'm going to be staying. like i've been permanently hired though i'm really just under the heading temporary/seasonal- and let's not forget only making $7.50 an hour... and they gave me the run of organizing the entire kids section, and the inventory manager really likes me, but guys you know... the shoe's going to drop. bcs regardless i can't live on $7.50 an hour for 7 hours, 5 days a week, after taxes. No matter if you suggested i could make supervisor or if we watch ANTM, VM and UglyBetty on our lunch breaks. I mean, you saw my psych profile. it doesn't lie does it? i mean it's like a self-fulfilling prophesy. how could it not come true. I'm sorry it's just not going to work out... which makes me feel sort of bad, but you and i both know, well- it's a moment and maybe, after it's over we can be friends.