My heel pain is acting up (brief internet search, name, suggestions to abate issue, cursing the Fall due to constant maintenance of body/space/time, stagnating weightscale) but Danica and I walked our 2.19 miles and capped the morning off with tea. I went home and unbirthdaypacked my tea gear and put it in a lovely wood box to honor it and make it easily accessible. I then found the strength to get rid of/integrate an entire large box of stuff i moved home from chi with. . . 7 years later. Hey, i know letting go is a process. Like the pair of thick flannel pants my mom made me. I probably won't ever be regularly cold enough to wear them again. And that tambourine i wrote morbid poetry all over... and that pretty glistening gift box that i'll never use. All in give away. (And today I even practiced going through facebook without multi-tasking with music and or various programming going on in the background.) What else was in the box you ask? um, Towels. Totally important obviously. A bottle of vodka and various kitchen supplies. I sorted through 2 other boxes but decided to keep those intact due to the now legend 'rental move out date (circa non-specified). Mostly so that I'm left with stuff and don't cry if mom takes her rightfully owned bottle of cinnamon and I even have my own flatware. It's not like i'm suddenly going to be able to go nuts and buy new everything. And should i? I might need to buy more for parities? uh, but still. So you know- p.r.o.g.r.e.s.s. Also I have a bag of stuff I'm going to use for project 'mega shadow-box' if i ever get to it. And sure there's like those boxes in the attic. Which really have got to uh, go... one of these.days. Maybe.
And now that you ask, no, i don't understand the copious amounts of spice to necessitate a drawer. Since fresh is best. And mom will hopefully forgive my allocation of the drawer to our gum supply. We'll see. It might be a coup. And of course something has to go in the space where the big box was.
Besides all that, and in itself, this act, really important to not sitting listless and defeated, doing work, work that wants doing and makes me happy. And that even the great mendacious can improve on what she excels at. I even emailed the EDD and was like oh hey, missing claimform etc. Whatevs. And shaking my head that panicking for 2wks (latent) was the standard MO for me for.sommmme reason? Why? Some things i can't explain. But i've been developing a little hope that the working of me will find its way out. The paralyzed jobsearch. The artistic quandaries. Lack of husband. Missing tiles. And for now picking flowers. and doing the things I can do. Even if they seem ridiculous or shortsighted or not enough.
Also, love the ponderance of coincidence v. providence. I don't think its lack of faith. Maybe its best expressed as faith at work in you? The fact that you go from one to the other. That you see after a healthy dose of emotional reaction/skepticism/oblivious and render a more solid and hopeful view of all things working towards Gods glory, which in itself is unfathomable anyway. Because we can see perfect timing, the web, the correlation of events, working against us too, and yet, we come out ok anyway. The whatever it is, resolves itself, and we see the good and trust and all of it strengthing us against the dark and time... and i don't know. On all of that, on a very simple note, it allows God to work. If there were no chinks, you wouldn't have to be shown anything. You'd be looking and you wouldn't see. There is something to eyes that see, and ears that hear even if there is a delay. Something about blessed are the forgetful... for they are constantly surprised at the awesome? ;)
Whozizzle, so before I go back to watching x-files/s8/ep19 and the 3 remaining strawberries and pondering what else to do in the 'closet' and various drawers, here is a pick of ash and me.
Hello us. I recognized her right away. And felt completely comfortable. I felt bad i made her talk so much and that i stuck her back in the car. But if her only experience of the beach was the LBC i'd die. Steve totally agreed with me (d's husband). But still. I mean i hope the margaritas and the beach were worth it, but you know. And ash was totally mellow and let me ask her everything with an air as if we'd had these sorts of conversations before, yes on our blogs, seperately, but never together. and that was lovely. And i bit my tongue about her needing to get her passport until she brought it up. And I can't wait to see her go.go.go. And look at that cool owl pendent she has there. Pretty fab. Anyway a definite success. I can't say that the blogging world for whatever anyone has said about it, has let me down, if all i ever did was meet ashley would be enough. And you and I and our letters. And my friends that you now know and the mysterious kurt, we talked about him too. These things are real even if they are just letters now worn away on my keyboard, they add up to something, a definitive impression, a care and concern beyond a blip and IPaddress, and that's beautiful.to wayfarers,
m.
10 comments:
I am trying not to feel displaced, to still feel at home in my house, sometimes there are moments when it's hard. Somebody is taking over like the passion vine in the back. The mess on the table is mine. That's all I can say about that for now. You must absolutely keep improving your environment. Straighten toss organize. You have to. Life is so much more than the stuff that threatens to overtake our lives. Travel, meet people, have adventures.
hmph. there is so much more thats yours. the whole mantel except for the zebra, the furniture, most everything in all the cupboards, the living room and the kitchen, all the plates on the wall, your entire room, all the pictures in the hallway, me, at least 1/2 the plants, part of lolly- it just doesn't look like it because its been arranged. its not like in so doing your identity has been consumed. it may seem like it, but its not true. if it was 'yours' what would it look like? why is a coat of paint a harbinger of hostile takeover from a too dominant personality? can't ownership work insynch and find compatibleness? why is messiness a sense of place for you?
loves it. you're still unpacking from chi.
but spices on hand are so... handy?
and i love the bit about the passport. :)
i have some pretty old spices, i admit. old. but if they still smell spicy, i figure they are useable.
and i finally filed away the chaotic pile of receipts and paid bills and letters from the insurance that's been growing for the last several months. it felt like such an accomplishment! i hear you about the "doing what you can" stuff. is it enough? i have trouble knowing...
Awww, I love that you and Ash finally had a chance to meet!
And leave us not forget the air that I breathe.
Let's not talk about the boxes I still have semi-unpacked from when I moved into my current place after college...seven years ago...
I so love that there are all these unpacked boxes in our midst.
I have nothing more than a vague idea what is in my cupboards, every day m organizes she finds something fun ie. four genuine Tupperware party giveaways from the 70's!
It's true, M, that it would've been catastrophic to only have seen the LBC. But seeing you was dreamlike and seemed like the continuation of a long conversation started in another lifetime. As soon as I have a guest room, we'll have to arrange for a visit to GA.
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