a few days past

greetings from the land of those that have done their civic duty. i know, you never thought you'd hear from me again, and if you did it would be to inform you that my whole life had been shifted in one defining moment and i was now going to do what those in my youth had suggested for people who are argumentative and articulate... go into law. yes. you say it's not too late? career change at 31? sure. why not. except for the interminable boredom and the inherent slavish insistence that we follow the law, the codes, the idiotic defense attorneys, the stuffy suits, the metal detector and the utter lack of snacks. also judges don't even like colloquial language that steps outside the bounds of succinct description... for instance the defense said: "If something smells funny, you'd have a possible reason to doubt"... judge: "for the record the jury will not be instructed to identify any smells." (scathing i assure you.)

the first day a cute boy named dimitri helped me assemble a puzzle in the jury waiting room. and a jewish girl mumbled her hebrew prayers. tres annoying. the other girl eating her doritos loudly, left and dimitri and i were allowed to make snarky comments about the protestors below, and ponder about the missing pieces. after lunch he was called to service and i weeped for my lost dimitri, with his sparkling almond eyes, sweet grin and swarthy black hair. a duller boy sat down after he left and offered to help but just then i was called to the 13th floor. room 124 of the los angeles superior court criminal justice bldg.

the key trick of getting out of jury duty is to ask for a sidebar when questioned and start crying. plead bias, emotional agony, impossible ability to focus. this worked for at least 3 women. my number was thankfully never called because had i been questioned it would've been discovered that i lead a rather protected and ordinary life but that given enough digging i know a few scandalous people, drug user/runners and psychotics- but nothing that has happned to me personally: like armed robbery, petty theft, burglary, muggings, shootings, dui's, deaths/near deaths, arrests and felonies and gangs and loads of turmoil. i stopped taking notes after the first 12 questioned. it was impossible to keep track. and the judge dug and dug and if you at all appeared to be evasive she went plying on even longer. do you know anyone in law enforcement? what experience have you had with the court system? will this impair your ability to remain objective?

the key to having a miserable time is to have a longwinded judge and a rambling defense attorny that asks silly and even longer questions and had courted the abhorance of the judge. and thus i sat thursday, friday and finally monday... inching toward death by disgusted restless boredom.

the key to having a good time is be in a place you don't get to explore very often and an 1 1/2 lunch. free entry into our modern museum of art (moca), have access to afternoon concerts, the grand central market and a few very lovely old buildings and of course your best kept secret subway and loads of reading time . so all in all how bad could it have been...except for the scarring waste of time- i guess i wouldn't mind doing it again. maybe.