a (somewhat illogical) wringing of hands

dearest,

Understandably it makes no sense that I’m preemptively filled with trepidation over your departure to the Jejubes Island. I mean, we already live more than 3000 miles and 3 time zones apart. So what if now you’ll be waking up around my dinnertime. There’s an app to tell me that, and rather than working out the math like a monkey on my fingers every hour of the day, I can instantly know – m is awake now. Asleep. Going to work. Eating breakfast. Living in tomorrow while I’m still in today.

And I’m totally excited for you! For this spectacular adventure. For solid employment and a substantial addition to your resume. For a beachview apartment – what! New food and new friends and Canadian cohorts. Absorption of a new culture. And what you’ll think of working with littles. We already know that you’re awesome with mine. And I feel like you’ll be getting to know a whole other side of God, somehow, and I look forward to living that with you.  Because obviously we’re pretty established at this whole long-distance friendship thing. And so where you go, I go.

I think that must be it – that in spite of physical distance, our lives are fairly entwined. So I’m not just bereft at the idea of not seeing you until, like, 2015 or something, omg. I can’t think about that yet. But I feel vicariously the anticipation of so many unknowns, the sting of temporary separations in your daily life, the landing in a completely. new. world.

It’s big.

So from 3000+ miles away I sit here anxiously wondering, worrying, waiting, expecting. Cheering. T-minus 7 days!

To Jejubes Island!

xoxox forever,

pen

lost

In the woods. And was this picture really worth it? I struggle without a DLSR. I’m limited. Only as good as my tool, right? I totally shouldn’t complain, because I do love my camera. But to capture the moon! An orange, nearly-full fireball moon over the river (and through the woods). Flanked by the leafless branches of late fall. Reflected in the strangely still water.

Okay, so it was worth it to get a closer look, even if my picture sucked. I walked straight down the trail as advised – but let’s note, why was I even advised in the first place? Does J.Lo really know me at all? Mwah. Obviously when I turned around I wouldn’t find my way back so easily. This is penelope here. I turned one way, and then the other and then back again. At one point I was close enough they spied my flashlight beam. But then I turned around again. Happened upon the cabins and boat dock. Pondered the possibility of leaving my human life for a vampire coven. The skills I would have. The gaping hole left in my vampire soul over having to leave the children behind.

Also, it would have sucked to have run across a possum or a skunk. Or a bear for heaven’s sakes.

Or to sleep outside with no blanket.

Or worry about anything past that. True survival skills and whatnot.

But I emerged eventually. No vampire bites. Muddy shoes. A bruised ego. And nothing left of my earlier beer buzz, but we amended that quickly with some scotch and blue vodka. And campfire light.

what penelope does on her time off

So last month, I helped out my friend J, who works for OurFay-HAY in a rural county of our state, and I helped to judge an annual presentation competition. Whether I'm actually qualified to do such a thing is moot; the bottom line is that J needed help, and I can always use an excuse to get out of the house, away from the children, and so I agreed right away. A win-win. Besides, it might be kind of neat to say I was on a PANEL, in the manner of Simon, Randy, and Paula, who btw y'all, m had NO IDEA who I was talking about when I mentioned S, R, and P. We must harass her in the comments section.

Anyway, as far as I knew I wouldn't actually have to talk, just you know, score the presenters according to the standard criteria, and write down a few comments. Kind of like reviewing a piece for a fellow writer, right? The goal of effective communication is basically the same. So that day I actually only ended up scoring maybe 3 or 4 presenters? I remembered a landscaping presentation, jewelry making, and juggling. There are different categories and age groups for these presentations, but as far as ranking, it does get a little tricky with the apples vs. oranges conundrum. But we worked it out.

And I mean, honestly, it was fun! I did end up having to talk at the end as part of the group critique, where the judges and other facilitators offered general comments of encouragement and ways to improve. And the people ahead of me totally stole my ideas, so I ended up just reiterating what they said and feeling slightly like a jackhole--totally ironic in a public speaking competition, I realize. But anyway, it was fine.

So then, J asked me if I'd like to judge another competition, this one the district competition, or next level up before states. Some of the same kids would be moving on, but I wouldn't actually be judging them, I would be a judge for the Health&Fitness presentations. Again, qualified? Debatable. But I do know something about healthy eating and exercise, even if I don't always partake. And if we want to get technical, I have taken nutrition classes. Or one class. Years ago. But I digress. I agreed again, because weeee! Another excuse to get away from the children--er, take some time off from my job--and spend time with my east coast BFF that I don't get to see nearly enough.

Now, this presentation experience was quite a bit more involved: J works west from me, more out where my parents live, but then the competition was east, but yet not at all on the way for either one of us. So I ended up leaving the children with my parents overnight, and staying with J. We woke up at 5:30 AM, left the house before 6 AM, all to get to her workplace, which is about 45 minutes west, picking up one of the presenting kids on the way. I know. I'm lost right along with you. So then we all meet at around 7 AM, where the rest of the kids and J's assistant arrive, so that J can drive us all (4 kids, 3 adults total) in a 15-passenger van to the competition. We had Mapquest directions that were slightly off, and a GPS system that told a completely different story, so frankly it was a little hairy getting there. We were totally late, but it was fine.

I feel like the Health&Fitness room was actually waiting my arrival so they could begin? So that was slightly awkward. But I right away sat down and judged presentations (again, all age groups) on teeth brushing, sports playing, eating right, and exercise in general. And this time was prepared to be more vocal, wrote some notes down throughout so I'd have my thoughts together, and then, unlike most of the kids presenting, delivered my own thoughts without the crutch of my notecards. Which, again ironically, were the majority of all the judges' comments: notecards should not=crutch.

And the other two judges, I should mention as an aside--one is J's coworker who orginally proposed that I ride with her in the morning to this far-out county, this lady whom I never met? Freaked me out. And then I found out later that her original-original idea was for me to stay at her house the night before, since we all had to leave so early. Omg! Thankfully J talked her down from this insanity. The other judge was a colleague of hers that now lives in Ohio, and they were perfectly lovely and pleasant, but I did feel some pressure to go to lunch with them? A little weirdness there. I opted out in the most charming way I know how. And then later, while J and I were trolling around for some sort of ATM to buy lunch with, they came rolling up to us in their car, and paid me a few bucks for my efforts. Which was entirely unnecessary, but seriously appreciated, and kind of funny in a cosmic way, that an ATM of sorts would just roll up, just as one was requesting one from the Universe?

And so the kids were enjoyable as well, clearly all in the throes of those weird and uncomfortable teenage years and it was interesting to see the differences between them all. One was happy-go-lucky but rolled his eyes a lot at his mom, but not in a mean way really. One was pretty angry all day, but is generally self-deprecating... she needs some time I think, to kind of come out of that dark place. The two brothers were quiet and well-mannered and yet totally goofy and random when we took pictures. Another girl was composed and lovely and yet you know she was mainly more well-behaved because of our company, which I found amusing.

I called J.Lo to try and get us some more clear-cut directions back, but in the end we sort of concocted something else using the GPS again and J's own knowledge of how to get back to her office from another county office. Anyway, if you're still here, I felt this need to share my randomness and show you What Penelope Does in her Free Time. Things that in the past I may not have been drawn to at all, but now hold a certain appeal, since they get me out of the house and yet keep me off the street. Random, and yet entirely necessary.

Arkansas River: Royal Gorge Tour

Have you been there? Done that? I think you should. Because it's gorgeous if nothing else. The rapids were not a thrill every minute but on the other hand I'm not in shape for that. 2 hours on the river was enough manual labor for one day. Enough to make my side ache and the cramp to work out of my leg, which by the way happened after a day of walking in chicago. Before me like a mirror of what is to come i hobbled out of the car like an old injured woman in need of a cane, everytime we got out of the car... A class V, a couple 4's, a few 3's and mellow mellow mellow was all i needed to make it totally and completely worth it. Gorgeous rocks vaulted into the sky, sprayed in lichen and red walls. A fawn. 2 herons, and melodic rushing water.


Before I figured out how to ride side saddle every difficult rapid i found myself hurtling into the center of the boat. Drenched. With a big chip in my paddle from the rock my side of the boat hit. After that i was leaning back and engaging my abs and saying obnoxious things like, can i work the left side? my right obliques are tired... Amber and i quickly diagnosed the weak links in the boat but since we were guided we didn't have to hurl anyone overboard or yell at Charlie in the front to be a better pace'man. It was fun hearing about a newlywed named Tiffany complain about Lousiana and her husbands plot to move her out west. Her fear of getting clobbered by the rapids. And two guy BF's bonding on their adventurous adventure.


Half way thru they moored us at a narrow point of the river, fairly deep and calm. They said, just swim across the current to the eddy and then from there, climb up and you can jump off the rock. If you miss the eddy just keep swimming to the right, make your way to the shore and climb back upstream. If you miss that, keep going and we'll pick you up downstream. But not too far. I mean what if we hit rapid by then? Don't try and stand up. That's how you get pinned under a rock and drown. And you probably can't breathe underwater for the 30minutes it'll take to get you unstuck. Got it? Got it.

I watch a few people make the swim across. I think, ohfuckit, I'll do it. Then I hit the water. Louisiana girl follows. Paddle with arms. Feel current. The current is strong. Adrenaline kicks in. Read, swift. I will notfuckingbewasheddownstreamAHHHHHHH. Swim Mendacious Swim! Kick those legs. (Thank god i took up swimming). I make it. I see out of my periphery louisiana girl getting swept down stream, panic and confusion in her eyes, like how can i not be making it right now. I arrive at the ledge in shaky breaths. Two guys try to help me and I feel bad. It doesn't work. I eventually shimmy up on the side and lay there for a minute. Get up still heaving breaths, and thinking oh fuck. Fucking altitude. Fucking river. But I made it. I think, this is enough exersion for one day. I will not jump off the rock. I lean. I pant. I catch my sorry ass breath. I see Louisiana girl bedraggled appearing up the ridge. She says, some guy wouldn't let me on his boat. He said, I was on my own! We laugh. She's not jumping off the rock either. I glance across the river to our boat. The wheels turn. Hmm.

Wait, how am i getting back there? OH, that's right. Huh, I guess I am going to have to jump off a rock. We go 10ft upstream to the end of a class 2/3 rapid and I jump in first. My logic here was a. i don't want to go in feet first. Read, sink like a rock. The stream will already be carrying me the minute i hit the water, making it harder for me to return to the boat. b. dive? hmm. dive? no. c. sort of jump flail combo. yes. yes. That sounds perfect. So for comedic amusement (ahem, apparently) I bear tackle the arkansas river. Essentially one might call it a belly flop but i was up and swimming and not in pain pretty quickly. The guide watches me make my way and i hold onto the boat, making my way around. I say, I'm going to go ahead and beach myself right here. He laughs. I smile and look up into the big blue colorado sky.

Then after, we became part of the amusement ride. Royal Gorge trains with cartfull camera toting tourists. We are in somebody's camera, somebody's trip memory. We pose. We say, you should be down here! We are waved at from there and from lookoutpoints. We crane our necks up to the suspension bridge. We watch a tour chopper go vertical on a cliff wall. Then we hear silence and rushing water then still, then trees dipping into the glossy liqued, then ducks and quiet and occassional forward 2, forward 1... then like the cool kids we are the last on the bus- in squishy water shoes and dripping hair- figuring how far we have yet to go till home, and by god, where are we stopping for food?! I tip the tourguide, look at pictures of us going down the rapid like a true amusement park experience and grin and walk on out into the hot afternoon, the sun still warm on my face and the motion of the rapids just to the right of the road.

Water, Water Everywhere

yes, i went whalewatching! i'm so psyched. and more than that, so glad i have friends who were willing to brave the cold and the possible seasickness to do it with me... for a 4 hour tour!! (since it was suppose to only be 2 1/2) sure we got our monies worth but i will next time take a more luxurious boat that has an inside area and can go really fast, bargains be damned... i'm not sure. first off i forgot my camera, stopped to get lunch later than i should've, but thought i had all the time in the world- got a disposable camera, then got side-tracked twice and we almost missed the boat! with less than a minute to spare, we ran, shaking and fumbling our money- and once on the boat realized i had 1) forgotten the disposable camera 2) that i hadn't taken the dramamine yet. . . and i'd lost my glasses and was like seriously confused when my friend handed them to me. it was like a wacky parlor trick. my friends bore up under this happenstance with good cheer- whenever i pull people into my insane fancies- i am mortified with the thought that things will go wrong or that it won't have been worth it- so i hope for them it really was. but alas i did get seasick- sort of green- and when concentrating really hard on not puking i become quiet and less inclined to chat so it was at most points on the voyage, every man for himself. though i did point out that the national bookstore chain (of which i am under- employ) has enabled me to stand for vast hours- so since sitting made me really ill i was able to bear up and lean over the boats edge onto the horizon. but that's about all i was able to say, except for bearhugging them to keep us warm, and commenting idly about things like the weather...and yes how i couldn't believe the sun didn't come out and yes, my toes had lost all feeling.

the good thing was we actually saw 2 whales. but too bad it was early on in the voyage. we had 3 sightings i think of the same 2 whales- and 2 of the times one of them flipped his tail at us and dived. awesome. it's hard to realize i wasn't hallucinating. the first time was closer, about 20ft or less from the boat- and again i wasn't quite sure i wasn't imagining things. then it became a long long long wait- and more waiting, and more looking on to the vast stretch of water and being really really bored and trying not to get seasick and wondering when the hell we'd be turning around. or bemoaning the fact i didn't bring liquer with me. alas!

so then the captain got on his horn and told us there was a pod of 1,000 dolphins going at break neck speed somewhere and by god, he was going to try to catch them even though we were already running late- and off we took, water breaking over the bough and leaping up and down the swells- the dolphins which stretched for a mile before us- meer specks... got closer and we could see them breaching over the water, so many we couldn't count and almost breathless as we saw them appear closer to us, breaking
over the waves, and running under the bow of the ship... we cheered and leaned close into the water to see these amazing animals zooming in front of the bow and by our side, catching our wake as so many of them chopped up over the water. i almost cried. and wished we were in a boat that could catch them- and as they continued to cut fast to the left of us the captain said we were so late out we couldn't follow them any longer but that he was glad we got to see them. i think the chase was the best part and the dolphins, so many of them- glorious. the whales sure... if i actually did see them... and then i was pretty sure we had an hour to go and it was a long and sulky ride back- more dolphins! more whales!, we cried. but no. and so cold and hungry we were set to shore and feasted on some fresh halibut (they chinced us on the fries) and wended our weary way home, but not without a as i say, tai chi latte (i'm dyslexic) and a rice krispee square that smelled like coffee.

thanks guys. it was AMAZING.