In lieu of

Current conditions: sunny, with a light breeze of optimism.
Done: Ordered my biscuit toasted, was delightful as i thought it could be. Also i shipped my amazon order. It cost me $7.05. I walked out thinking that somehow someway it should've cost less and that i could've made more.
Things out: Calendar (determined to get back to scheduling exercise after the great cold of '07.), 2 mugs, burts lipbalm, french flashcards, marionette.
Wearing: Hat, with flipflops.

Condition: Temperate A/C'd Office

Life is sort of dreary without Penelope. I'm almost done reading lady chatterly- which i had no idea was sort of what it must be like to watch HBO and skinemax. Pretty racy i must admit. But other than that life seems to be a bit dull (i mean, i'm not even near to getting what lady chatterly is getting) what with the working and the more working and then the thinking about suddenly not working. I feel that there's a big empty space where thoughts used to be and desires and passions. There's a faint apprehension about money and spending $171 on a new dress for a wedding. Despite the budget i just made myself. But my options were low i'm telling you! And who has evening weddings on a friday at 8pm? Silly people. That's who. So who am i to argue with a teal chiffon dress from nordstroms?

My friend and i have made $78.81 after expenses selling 12 vhs tapes. Pretty extrodinary but again not that interesting. Unless it inspires you to sell your stuff on Amazon. Which it totally should- because who knew. Or better yet your parents stuff. Because why not. Maybe spend the money on newyorksuperfudgechunk or chocolate bundt cake, maybe mcmuffin breakfasts or another 32oz diet coke, or a $6 car wash. Possibly a tank of gas... it's down to $2.95. Go see sunshine for the effects and hot guy chris evans but not much else bcs the script sucks.

And then after all that who knows. It's all a blur.

this moment in time brought to you by mendacious.

It's 75 degrees but it feels warmer. Slightly humid for LA. I look at my email to see if anyone has bought any more VHS tapes. They haven't. I'm thirsty. Every morning i wake up really thirsty. I used to think this was hunger, that empty nawingish feeling. But no. I flex my left foot to stretch out the soreness. I hunch my shoulders and stretch my neck. Crack my fingers. Work is rapidly approaching.

I dress. I think about reading HP7 with 2oo pages to go. I listen to sirius? something radio on dish- 6021. Smashing pumpkins sings 'i don't want to be alone...' A dream i had is swimming around out of reach but i can't shake that anxious feeling about debt being an incurable disease or plans for summer or how i feel i have nothing to say. Pen's on vacation. But i've gotta go. There was something else, but... there's no time.

Current Conditions

I'm in editbay 8 on the 9th floor of the Unical building in downtown los angeles. The climate is temperate. Hum of air-conditioner present. Barefoot and eyeing an unknown entitity's glass of water. Consider drinking it regardless. Time I have left trapped in here: at least 2 hours. What i'm doing: copying files. I am truth be told, a glorified file clerk, though just yesterday andraSay UllockBay and I and her two dogs and her very large sunglasses shared the elevator. It was for all round a transcendent moment up 3 flights.

I transfer information from server to drive to editor... the frustrating part, to ponder, as i sit here in dimly lit quarters is that - i can put it this way- someone is banging on the door. they are very busy banging on the door. i come up behind them and say, "oh here, this is the key you asked for." they say, "leave it there," and they continue to bang on the door. this is the most frustrating part of the job- no amount of verbal or written confirmation satisfies them: are the files on the drive? did you put them on the drive? where are the files? do we have them? are they there? when are they going to get there?

the words: they are there. do not satisfy them. and that is when i want to start weilding maybe a tazer gun or possibly find some way to give them shock collars. it is all in all a pointless exercise, maybe one i shouldn't take so personally but then again- that boy that cried wolf got eaten in the end didn't he? so maybe i'm the fed up townspeople? i can't be sure.

all i know is that it's friday. thank god. and i better find some way to find me outside of this dark room in the span of 2 days... or i'll just be here again, in a matter of no time, asking the same thing. why does it matter? what am i doing? paying for 'the edge'... for school... for ? something outside of right this minute.

Hola!

It's 7:50. I'm dressed in what I would call a cute peasant top and black skirt and sandals. Others would call it that too. Waiting for a rental car to come get me. It's 76 degrees. My roadtrip friend amber is asleep in the upstairs of the garage. The only place airconditioning is present. I don't want to wake her and make her take me. I think i'd rather be late to work. Not that late. I need overtime. Lots of overtime. 2 jobs maybe. And a new car... 90% sure. It's going to be hot today. Later there'll be some stories. Just a couple. Mostly there was just some driving and not even a whole lot of roadkill and more driving. But for now i'm waiting for a rental car to come get me. It is 7:58.

of the ages

here i am, cat crooked to my right side. drink consumed and satiated. anticipating strawberries, sleep, easter outfit. feet crossed, socked, cute shoed, scratch cheek, shuffle hair back-forth. crack thumb. think back to drive home. think mythical. fog low in the canyon but the road's not dark. winding down-thru the mountain. byzantine voices resound something soul stirring profound. last moment of a movie, something sad or dying off. become apprehensive about the lines, about cars approaching, about going too fast and the rounding curves in the road. i couldn't write a death better. a denouement. but beautiful, seducing to a stop awarness. as the world warps around me, calls me upward. the credits roll. now home, wanting warm-hot water, submerged and reborn. tv's quiet and arm itches, just waiting to break the moment, i set the computer down.