Arkansas River: Royal Gorge Tour

Have you been there? Done that? I think you should. Because it's gorgeous if nothing else. The rapids were not a thrill every minute but on the other hand I'm not in shape for that. 2 hours on the river was enough manual labor for one day. Enough to make my side ache and the cramp to work out of my leg, which by the way happened after a day of walking in chicago. Before me like a mirror of what is to come i hobbled out of the car like an old injured woman in need of a cane, everytime we got out of the car... A class V, a couple 4's, a few 3's and mellow mellow mellow was all i needed to make it totally and completely worth it. Gorgeous rocks vaulted into the sky, sprayed in lichen and red walls. A fawn. 2 herons, and melodic rushing water.


Before I figured out how to ride side saddle every difficult rapid i found myself hurtling into the center of the boat. Drenched. With a big chip in my paddle from the rock my side of the boat hit. After that i was leaning back and engaging my abs and saying obnoxious things like, can i work the left side? my right obliques are tired... Amber and i quickly diagnosed the weak links in the boat but since we were guided we didn't have to hurl anyone overboard or yell at Charlie in the front to be a better pace'man. It was fun hearing about a newlywed named Tiffany complain about Lousiana and her husbands plot to move her out west. Her fear of getting clobbered by the rapids. And two guy BF's bonding on their adventurous adventure.


Half way thru they moored us at a narrow point of the river, fairly deep and calm. They said, just swim across the current to the eddy and then from there, climb up and you can jump off the rock. If you miss the eddy just keep swimming to the right, make your way to the shore and climb back upstream. If you miss that, keep going and we'll pick you up downstream. But not too far. I mean what if we hit rapid by then? Don't try and stand up. That's how you get pinned under a rock and drown. And you probably can't breathe underwater for the 30minutes it'll take to get you unstuck. Got it? Got it.

I watch a few people make the swim across. I think, ohfuckit, I'll do it. Then I hit the water. Louisiana girl follows. Paddle with arms. Feel current. The current is strong. Adrenaline kicks in. Read, swift. I will notfuckingbewasheddownstreamAHHHHHHH. Swim Mendacious Swim! Kick those legs. (Thank god i took up swimming). I make it. I see out of my periphery louisiana girl getting swept down stream, panic and confusion in her eyes, like how can i not be making it right now. I arrive at the ledge in shaky breaths. Two guys try to help me and I feel bad. It doesn't work. I eventually shimmy up on the side and lay there for a minute. Get up still heaving breaths, and thinking oh fuck. Fucking altitude. Fucking river. But I made it. I think, this is enough exersion for one day. I will not jump off the rock. I lean. I pant. I catch my sorry ass breath. I see Louisiana girl bedraggled appearing up the ridge. She says, some guy wouldn't let me on his boat. He said, I was on my own! We laugh. She's not jumping off the rock either. I glance across the river to our boat. The wheels turn. Hmm.

Wait, how am i getting back there? OH, that's right. Huh, I guess I am going to have to jump off a rock. We go 10ft upstream to the end of a class 2/3 rapid and I jump in first. My logic here was a. i don't want to go in feet first. Read, sink like a rock. The stream will already be carrying me the minute i hit the water, making it harder for me to return to the boat. b. dive? hmm. dive? no. c. sort of jump flail combo. yes. yes. That sounds perfect. So for comedic amusement (ahem, apparently) I bear tackle the arkansas river. Essentially one might call it a belly flop but i was up and swimming and not in pain pretty quickly. The guide watches me make my way and i hold onto the boat, making my way around. I say, I'm going to go ahead and beach myself right here. He laughs. I smile and look up into the big blue colorado sky.

Then after, we became part of the amusement ride. Royal Gorge trains with cartfull camera toting tourists. We are in somebody's camera, somebody's trip memory. We pose. We say, you should be down here! We are waved at from there and from lookoutpoints. We crane our necks up to the suspension bridge. We watch a tour chopper go vertical on a cliff wall. Then we hear silence and rushing water then still, then trees dipping into the glossy liqued, then ducks and quiet and occassional forward 2, forward 1... then like the cool kids we are the last on the bus- in squishy water shoes and dripping hair- figuring how far we have yet to go till home, and by god, where are we stopping for food?! I tip the tourguide, look at pictures of us going down the rapid like a true amusement park experience and grin and walk on out into the hot afternoon, the sun still warm on my face and the motion of the rapids just to the right of the road.