well, well, well

so the reunion...

expectation fulfilled:

1) it was dark and unfortunately noisy.
2) it was small.
3) the senior video lives (why aren't there more pictures of me?)
4) no streamers or silver balloons, sigh with disappointment.
5) amused by guy with guitar playing in the corner, think, is it for us? or was he already there?
6) ask waiters if events like this freak them out. they say, yah, were watching. were taking notes. i believe this will end up as a short monologue or at the very least a comedy routine.

what happened:

1) deep breath up flight of long, long stairs. balanced with grace in high heels, later that evening took to slouching or casualing leaning against chairs, people, anything that would eleviate said foot crushing pressure. i lean i lean. i babble. i think, yes it's time for me to go.

2) that long island hit me a little fast. encouraged people to "sit down" and eat with me. (thanks wendy)

3) forgot 2 peoples names. i swear given time i would have remembered! jennifer says: nice try karen. (dammit, she used to hang out with a michelle) and well really doesn't she remind me of janine(?) gerafalo (yes, yes she does)

4) a girl threw up. that was bewildering and hilarious- looked ascance at the action unfolding... not repulsed. thought, there's a story there.

5) wondered at my risky top- i mean pink and brown horizontal stripes- what was i thinking-fashinada, possibly? daring, yes. will i wear it again? who can say...

6) note blonde bastard who belongs muscling on venice beach. note: he is not paul carlson. note later: he has taken off the name tag. party crashers? uh huh. not. cool.

7) take 37 pictures. i think this will be the wierdest scrapbook collection ever. a series of flash-photos- me on the left. victim: said curious, said captured in time on my right.

8) laugh to myself after i grab natalia and blind her with a flash. she blinked. she actually shook her head. the power i have amazes me. think later, for looks, LIGHT and OPEN would have been better for pics. think, at the 20 yr. we should have a photo booth.

8) surprised: two people blew me off- i think, what did i do to deserve that one? think: okay i know. but get over it. i mean 10 yrs. is 10 yrs. and that one guy in the corner, it's okay to be different now. you looked fantastic.

9) dismissed: one was ambivilant, another was a snob. think to self: self: i used to be friends with her in 1st grade. think: huh: i wonder why her parents hated me.

10) happily: did i mention, that in the very last months of my senior year a sort of bliss washed over me. and i looked at all these people and didn't hate them, didn't feel angst over the popular people or what could have been (as in i never learned french or took woodshop)- thought, this has been a good time. did not look back with regret. enjoyed all the people i talked to. think: these are cool people, laid back, chill people. and didn't they all look fantastic? yes. think: the fact that i grew up with half of them IS SOMETHING. mental note to cherish other people despite circumstance- after all, they have memories of you that you don't even remember. contemplate that. wish we had time to talk more. think about redemption. people can change. think, maybe throw up girl will one day change.

11) sadly: think of marginalized people. think: in such a small class, the outcasts were really the outcasts. shrug. think: i was an independent. how many can say they were: independent. think: am glad to be me and wish more people would have come. (more unscripted thought)

the script:

"so what do you do?"

"as in...?"

"yes."

...well i'll be jobless in 2wks. but i. then i. chicago. 3 yrs. no single. yup single. is that your better half? good answer. congratulations. kids? wow. no. i feel 24. well school was a long time. it was infinite. good job. congratulations. that's fantastic. aw, you remember that? you rock. that was awesome. seriously? nu, uh. okay! cool. hey, let's get a pic.

internal dialogue: why do i keep bringing up the single part. novel, must write novel. look at those 2, they slimmed down. glamour! wow, still a bitch. she's nice. kim, stop shouting. shh. hey, i didn't get a pic of...wow, he's really nice. i don't like his wife. i can't believe they... cool. these people are really cool. is it hot in here? it's really loud. damn my feet hurt. why don't i stop talking.

----
say, HEY! GOODNIGHT YOU GUYS, SEE YOU IN 10 YRS!

(mean it. yah, you bet.)

sincerely yours,
mendacious.