relativity

from the desk of penelope:

before i comment on the relativity of Loserdom, let me first say that my hands are burning with freshly cut jalapeno. though i have scrubbed them with baking soda, there it is, tingling away, and i must say i can't wait until i take out my contact lenses this evening. the voice of Alton Brown echoes in my head, telling the story of the freshly-cut jalapenos, the burning hands, and why it is he can now only wear glasses.

personally, i believe it is harder to write when one has nothing to do, "nothing" in this instance referring to the state of being temporarily without work. everything, in fact, can easily become insurmountable, as the days stretch ahead of a person filled with perhaps too much possibility. grocery store trips: what to buy? brushing one's teeth: what kind of toothpaste to use, and should the event occur before or after i drink a cup of coffee? finding a new job: what? where? how? the latter task, of course, not only contains the most possibility, but also the most pressure and fear. here Dr. Phil's voice enters into the brain with: "oh, you can a job, son. just go in and start talking!" to which my own voice responds, "no, Dr. Phil. you can just start talking." it is not that easy.

and if by loser, one means an artist struggling to find one's Right Path in life, in the world, in a city built upon the entertainment industry, well then how is it wrong to watch television for a few weeks straight. i did this for months in graduate school with Important Projects like a thesis hanging over my head, and i am not all ashamed. i wrote my entire exit exam, for instance, while watching a Nick and Jessica marathon. and i happened to pass with flying colors. TV can be inspiring, or provocative, or just a time-sucker, it's true. but maybe in certain instances it is also a Background Soundtrack of sorts to a turning mind.

i will defend TV to the death. of course it's not all positive. but you must never ignore the beauty and complexity of this Great Social Experiment.

sometimes i like to pretend i'm smart.

or that there is no pepper on my skin.

items purchased at Target today:
1. large bag Halloween candy, includes Whoppers, Heath Bars, Almond Joy, Reese's PB cups
2. makeup with which to play Makeup Game: shimmery opal powder stuff for eyes, waterproof mascara, glidey eyeliner, body glitter, shimmery eye stuff in Daylight Glow colors: can just use one color or swirl together all
3. contact lens solution
4. frozen meals
5. yogurt

items not purchased at Target today:
1. Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
2. pumpkin spice candle
3. Halloween headbands that would torture the dogs but delight the humans: probably would have gone with scarecrow and frankenstein. or halo and devil ears. or the wedding veil!

now will penelope come through and write her scene. Magic 8 Ball says, "Better not tell you now."

if only she wrote on the sly at work, fiendishly and with fervor, like it were this bad habit she just couldn't kick.