thanks, and have a great day!

penelope thoughts:

so what it is is that i have this job that pays the bills, and that was all it was ever supposed to be, see, this Something that Paid the Bills. and in the meantime, i am Writer. Always Writer. it took months to find this job, and i'll be honest, every day i am thanking my proverbial lucky stars that i have the thing. and it is not so bad, this environ, other than the fact that it pays approximately three dollars an hour more than i made ten years ago at my first job ever, at mcdonald's, before graduating not only from high school but college and then graduate school as well.

I AM MAKING EIGHT DOLLARS AN HOUR.

but i am okay with that, really, because in this town that is something--believe me, that is something. even though it barely does pay the bills, which was the original goal, there is some money leftover after the rent to shop at Target, which is all i ever really wanted. dear proverbial lucky stars.

at this job, there are fun people and free bagels for all on fridays. now that i have got the hang of things, too, can more-or-less successfully coordinate all the perky phone answering and file-pulling and sorting through of data, et cetera, it is mindless enough so that In Theory, at the end of the day enough energy has been reserved, particularly in the Creative Realm, so that i might write. and there is time, let's be honest there is time.

but can i tell you how much easier it is to catch up on the digitally recorded television shows, like gilmore girls and scrubs and survivor (and now lost!) rather than to sit at another desk looking at another computer screen and writing down these words. and what about dinner? have i mentioned i love to cook. cooking takes time, even when planning and executing a relatively simple meal--the shopping, the chopping, the watching and screaming while a pan burst into flames. it is all very hard.

and yet i know that if i do not write, the weight of that lousy job in Customer Service (motto: Because I Care!) increases philosophically and metaphorically and all of that, and here i am feeling worse. not only is nothing written, not only am i not executing that so-called Career that is supposed to be a given next to this Job that Pays the Bills, but i have all this pent up malaise and inspiration and defeatism wrapped up in a little ball that would so easily be unraveled if i would only go back to this computer, this one here at home and, diligently avoiding the new site showcasing Crate & Barrel's new outlet store (who knew such a thing existed!), return to the page.

that is all.