I'm stress eating a bag of butter popcorn.

Time! Where is it going! I also just ate a carrot and a pickle. All of it completely unnecessary. Except I didn't realize i could chew gum until just now? Or something. I'm watching old eps of the office and pondering my to-do for tomorrow. And previous to that I did just pay bills. Which I'm able to pay them so that's a plus. Minimums this time. Maybe double after that? Maybe? I mean sure I saw that it would take me 24 years to pay off one card if i just paid the minz, opposed to 3 years if i doubled the payment. And i know we've been having this convo for like-ever. It's old and familiar like the weather. One of my memories, you, me, luker sitting in a greektownrestaurant we probably couldn't afford and glibly talking about our debt. I'm not sure who always won or if we just considered a draw. But we all knew he'd grow up to be something responsible. But i was very dubious about me. And life is just life and we're learning right? Going through it and if we die still in debt will it really matter? Preferably not. I don't plan on being bitter about it when I'm like 75 and have just paid it off. if I live that long. I'd at least celebrate with some chocolate or a trip I didn't plan on living long enough to payoff. We might as well enjoy what we can in the meantime and stop buying crap we don't need. (Obviously the stuff we do need is necessary and therefore totally permissible. Like that book or 3 i just bought from amazon.) I mean i need something for the plane ride (hee!), and mom and me need reading material.

This morning, Danica and I, oh yes, i know i'm using it incorrectly and i'm going to do it anyway. suck it. Were praying through the basement and i started weeping over some 30yr old pretzels and there was that swastika sign i kept wondering on how to eradicate. Oh this basement. I really should photo all the rooms for you. They each have a story. There was a bicycle with a missing seat, toilets, chairs, boxes and old desks, and a largish circular sign, and the pretzels... the theme of this morning had a definite anti-hoarding sentiment, and that God can reach any-one. Any-one. Any-where. No matter what. Each room actually deserves its own story. But then I'd have to start writing fiction again... or well, creative non-fiction... what do you call it. Hmm. Fingers to a keyboard and eyes glued to the sky.

But anyway i want to tell you more about that and the lot beautification day and the tour guide named dave who told me about the 4,000 roses that used to be where i was planting the wildflowers, 100 years ago, but got torn up and hacked down because the land was valuable and it got parceled off to developers... And what a beautiful thought that was. Not the idiocy and greed of people part but the planting flowers where a painter and grower of flowers lived... reclaiming my past as Californias daughter. But I've got to go to bed. Just because I'm full of pickle and my feet are cold and i'd rather send you something than some imaginary perfect thing that will never be seen- so for now, take these half eaten thoughts and have a beautiful today. Because you're here living in it and somewhere the sun is shining.

m.